Wednesday, March 31, 2010

#299 FAQ

Almost time to go back to the resumes.

But first this. Thanks for the global support here on the blog. We have readers in about 12 countries now.

Yet, we need your help. All of the links here are to crisis lines/centers that have PTSD trained people who can deal with both women and guy survivors. But if you know of others, please post a comment.

Also, as far as we know, we're the ONLY PTSD blog with a global perspective. Lots of those other progressive blogs and sites are using the same tools:

A Paypal Donate now button
An online gift shop
Links to lots of other progressive sites (and some MSM ones as well)
Fundraising events with (fill in the blank w/a famous name) for $_________.
Have a house party to publicize our site/blog. But, we know that most of you are working long hours. So who's got time for houseparties?

If they want this, that's up to them. Here, we don't have that. All of the content here is for free.

In return, we only ask for two things:
(1) If you quote us, credit us as the source.
(2) Link us where you can (without outing yourself in the process).

Can those OTHER sites/blogs say that they respect your boundaries the way we do?

Enjoy your day.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Really Exhausted(Contains Graphic Content)

Fighting really hard against a lot of body memory and lucid dreams. No, we don't wanna get raped again. But part of it is your worst fear. Nobody is going to help you.

You have two choices. Fight back or die.

Now, fight this all day long. AND, do everything else.

How do you cope with this? How do you cope with others who think they mean well. But frankly they don't know when to shut up to stop triggering others?

Protect yourself at all costs.

Triggers Are Everywhere

Be really careful when going online. Everywhere you look it's death and destruction. And, depending on where you are in your overall healing, this could really backfire on you.

Edit everything. If you don't have to watch/listen to/read something, turn it off. This might lead to really quiet stretches during your day. Then again, that's much better than dissociating all day long.

How's your healing process? Feeling really raw? Ours is. And you have to protect yourself. Because nobody else will.

Monday, March 29, 2010

What Helps You to Cope? (Contains Graphic Content)

Just finished lunch. Which means back to the resumes and cold calling.

Do you still have problems with body memory? The sources that we trust all say that it's normal for it to come out. But it's frustrating when you feel like you have to constantly fight off some psycho rapist. If you don't, you feel like a piece of meat and totally empty.

For some reason, in that scenario it's like it get worse and worse. And despite all that NOBODY is going to help you. One minute these others might say, oh we care about you, you matter to us, etc. But when push comes to shove, it's f**k this guy survivor s**t. YOU fix it. We have better things to do with our time. Then they laugh and they walk away.

How are you supposed to react to THAT?

The answer? You have to fight back. Even if it feels like you're going to black out. You can't just roll over and die. It's terrifying, but what else can you do? It seems like not all but much of the world wants things nice and neat. You say this soundbite, people react with the appropriate response. And then you're put into a niche that allows everyone to go home early.

It's kind of like when the President speaks before Congress. He speaks, they stand and applaud. They sit. He speaks. Repeat the cycle. Almost like robots in a way.

Do you ever get the feeling that maybe someone else blames you if you don't fit their nice little niche? What are you supposed to say then? Well sorry if I totally f****d up your day by being stupid enough to get repeatedly raped?

Protection and survival come first. Set your boundaries. And, you're not responsible for what others do and say. Do you really have to be plugged into everything 24/7? If they say they want nothing to do with you, fine. Go elsewhere. But you can't have it both ways. One minute you care about me. Then the next it's f**k off. It doesn't work like that.

Have a nice Monday.

NOTE: As much as possible, we try to never intentionally trigger anyone in this blog. But at times the content can be hardcore to be able to get our message out. Hope you understand.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

How Do You Focus?

Nice and sunny today. The prefect time to finally hang out at the pool. Get some takeout. And turn everything off.

How easy is it for you to turn things off? If you go out someplace (and if you can), leave the mobile at home. Do you ALWAYS have to be connected? Most people don't.

Why then do you feel guilty about it (if you do)? Is it conditioning? Is it the "I must be available 24/7 to save the world" idea? That's Obama's job.

At times, set your boundaries. Protection comes first.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Pacing is the Key

A little overcast. But we're doing our best to keep our balance.

We still have to fight to focus in the morning. You can do some tai chi exercises to warm up your chi. But still you have to scream and fight to not feel like you're in dual realities. On the outside, you look cool and calm. But on the inside you're this close to snapping.

Anger at times is still a big problem. We had a period where we were punching out different stuff (and literally beating ouselves up as well) to try and cope. But we're getting better at trying to get it out in other ways.

Does crippling despair still hit you at times? How do you deal with it? For us, compartmentalizing is still a good coping tool. Take things in small segments. Set boundaries. If people don't respect them, leave or cut them off. You're not responsible for what others do and say. Therefore, cover your side and move on.

You can't singlehandedly save the world. Instead, start with small segments and deal with those.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Helpful Tips for the Day

Almost Friday. Unless you're eating breakfast Friday morning as you read this. If that's true, then this is a rather silly opening.

But having said that, we're still getting bombarded with triggers everywhere we go. How do you protect yourself?

Set your boundaries and stick to them.
Edit everything if necessary.
If you have to, walk away from a situation.
You're not responsible for what others do and say.

Anything else that helps you? Post your comments.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A Question for You (Contains Graphic Content)

How's your day? Here, a little calmer now. But rough earlier in the day.

How do you react when someone else tells you you need to get help. But if you're just not capable of holding down a job (due to PTSD from trauma that's not your fault. And which is a pre-existing condition that could potentially make you uninsurable), file for disability?

Should you be:
pissed off
incredibly insulted (because it's like being raped all over again)

Your comments on this.

Triggers are Everywhere

Be very cautious today. It seems like triggers are everywhere.

Try looking at the news. And what do you see? Anything positive right now? Probably not. Almost all of it is if it bleeds it leads kind of stuff:

psycho pedophiles running around
governments using terrorism to stop terrorism
and much more

At times we just shut everything off to protect ourselves. Your fight-or-flight mechanism is stuck. And you fight to get your balance back without blacking out. You can't just sit back and "go with your feelings". That doesn't work.

Be very careful.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

How to Cope with Body Memory(Contains Graphic Content)

How's your balance today? Are you coping with symptoms pretty well?

Part of our battle is fighting off body memory. Many sources that we trust keep saying the same thing. Body memory is a normal part of trauma flooding out. It differs according to your situation and healing rate. But it can't be avoided.

That's true. But here's a question. How do you cope when you feel like you have endless replays of beign raped? How do you cope with endless lucid dreams? Really sick and twisted things come to mind. (We won't go into details and trigger you).

Instead, think of it this way. You have to fight this stuff all day long. Plus, go to work and deal with the usual daily things that come up. At the end of the day, you're totally exhausted. But you know you can't just roll over and die.

Other than the fear of falling apart, what helps your balance? For us, it's diet, exercise. And the refusal to just fall apart.

Post your thoughts on this.

What's Real and What's Not? (Contains Graphic Content)

Onto new applications and more on a nice sunny day. But also, we're still having lots of dissociating and violent flashbacks.

Sometimes, do you have trouble knowing what's real and what's not? Do you get stuck sometimes in flashbacks and have to fight your way out of it? How do you cope when flashbacks happen at the worst times?

What keeps you from passing out from exhaustion as you fight back? How is your setting boundaries going?

We're really sticking to boundaries and protecting ourselves. Does someone else really need our contact information? Why do you need this? Do they really need to know about being a trauma survivor? There's nothing worse than someone saying, go ahead. Tell me about it and you'll feel better. Then you do and they say, why the hell are you telling me this? It's the words and the body language. And then you think, what's the point of EVER talking about this to ANYONE?

We still have to edit all the time. Triggers come out of nowhere. And then if they do, how do you look cool and calm on the outside when you think you're going to snap on the inside?

Do you ever feel like going on a rampage and killing all the assholes that laughed at you and treated you like shit when you were literally screaming for help? How do you cope with the nightmares (that still happen to us)?

Post your thoughts. Or email to ptsdsurvival at

Monday, March 22, 2010

It's Not "Reform" After All

Just checked with some sources on Obama's "health reform". And, it turns out that it's NOT reform after all:

Govt. subsidies to help people buy coverage don't start until 2014.
Pre-existing conditions aren't eliminated also until 2014.
Drug prices won't go down.
There's no immediate benefit for trauma survivors getting proper treatment.
There's no element in this that gurantees market competition. Instead, it's the usual Wall Street "let the market forces control it" line.
Many key Congresspeople that passed this bill are large shareholders in many health care firms.
Health care corporate dividends continue (and will continue) to rise. Does Obama have any health care shares?

This also means that people will continue to become homeless and possibly die from lack of health care. Meanwhile, no govt. employees will have to worry about these problems. Because they have the best health care that money can buy.

They'll never get stuck waiting in a ER. They'll be able to see any specialist that they want. Members of Congress get UNLIMITED sick leave at full pay. How many people outside the Beltway get that?

Why do they get that? Is it because since they're rich, powerful and got elected that they're entitled to this (and we're not)? In the Senate, excluding Bernie Sanders of Vermont, name one other person that's not a millionaire? Answer, you can't.

Prove to us that this isn't evidence that the gap between the rich and poor isn't the widest it's ever been. If a Congressperson is diagnosed with PTSD, they get the best treatment money can buy. If we go for treatment, we can be laughed it, treated like dirt. Or, told to just shut the f**k up and get on with it.

Does this ever happen to members of Congress?

Now, a prediction. Despite this happening (and the facts being right in front of your face), there wlll STILL be millions who will vote for Obama in 2012. Why? Because there's really no one else. Why wouldn't I vote for him.

Millions of people will vote on American Idol (and make Simon Cowell even more bloody rich than he already is). But when it comes to the health and welfare of citizens, can anybody be bothered? No.

If we're wrong, prove it.

It Did Pass. Now What?

The House approved Obama's "health reform" bill. Now the Senate votes on it. If they say yes, Obama signs it into law.

Is it really everything he says it is?

If it does at least these three things, then maybe it is:

Eliminate ALL pre-exisiting conditions for everybody. (And not just our kids. And their kids. And then their kids as well).

Gives trauma survivors the proper treatment they need.

Stops all health coverage firm subsidies and tax breaks.

If not, then this is just as bad as bailing out the banks.

But here's another view. The whole purpose of the old system is to deny you health care. Therefore, it's NOT health care. Any person overseas that has national care can tell you that. Why then would any sane person want to stay under that?

Just like we said. If you have the money and the power (and see a threat to it), you'll do literally anything to destroy that threat.

Now what's next?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Time for a Backup Plan. Or Two. Or Three...

Later today Congress votes on "health reform." We all know that every pundit in the States will be analzying this today. But nobody will take our angle on it.

If it does pass, is it "reform"?:

It continues to allow pre-existing conditions. They're supposed to be phased out. Which means that the usual political football (our kids and their kids) will be used. But as for the rest of us? Same stuff.

The health coverage firms will continue to get richer.

There's no negotiating of drug prices.

If you have trauma, you still have a limited number of therapy sessions to deal with it (anywhere from 20 to 50).

There's no national power for state insurance commissions to crack down on firms.

There's no national madate for states to implement all of the parts of this. Tons of loopholes that will be exploited.

Now, what if it fails?:

The same rubbish that will only get worse.

What are your options?

One (that more and more people are doing) is to go abroad for health care. Or, emigrate for permenant national care.

Most propaganda here in the States is a cheap shot at the NHS in the U.K. Yet, nobody menntions many other countries national systems (Australia, Spain, Mexico and others).

How do you get in? Most of these countries have point systems. The more points you score, the better your chance at getting a visa.

If you literally can't get health coverage anywhere in the States, what are you supposed to do? Stay and hope that things will magically change for the better?

Unless literally everyone that's pissed off about this acts to cut into these firms profit margins, NOTHING will change. They know it. Congress knows it. Obama knows it.

If you don't act to change the system, then go to another system. There are other places in the world where you can live and be quite happy. Everyday, people all over the world emigrate for a variety of reasons. And, you're being denied a basic human right.

Now, can you file for refugee status? We don't know.

But, in our opinion, the two party system won't work. Do you stay in a system that's broken and nobody seems to want to do anything about? Or, do you protect yourself?

You've heard this a billion times before. But we'll mention it again. You can't outsource protest. You can't just make a phone call and say, right. I've done my bit. Now to hell with them.

We're not perfect in our activism. But we try to be as aware of options as possible.

We've lived in two countries and traveled to at least nine. If it's a global economy, think global protection. Why? Because the bottom line is this. Despite the Nobel-Prize winning public speaking from Obama, party power and profit comes first.

If that's not true, then how come he refuses to fight to implement single-payer care? He's lived abroad. So for him to say that it's "practical" for other countries to do it but "impractical" to do it here is just a lie on his part.

More options means more power.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Pre-Vote Comments

Coping ok tonight? Before the vote tomorrow on "health reform", feel free to post your comments here. Talk about your concerns, coping with symptoms. It's all anonymous.

Really, it is.

Tomorrow's the Big Day. Maybe.

In case you don't know, tomorrow Congress votes on Obama's latest "health care reform." Depending on where you are in your overall healing, here's our suggestion.

Be very cautious if you're going to watch any of this stuff. Because really, from what we've seen so far, it's all about outspinning the other side to win in November.

Another point. Not ONCE in all of the "debate" has anybody answered this question. Why is PTSD a "pre-existing condition"? In the current legalese, that implies somehow that it's your fault (due to something in your lifestyle). You caused it. Therefore, you fix it.

PTSD comes from some type of trauma. Does this mean then that if you're a rape survivor, it's your fault for being stupid enough to get raped? If you're a vet, does this mean it's your fault for being stupid enough to sign up in the first place?

Obama is using sick people in the hospital as political footballs to pass his plan. Under his plan:

Pre-exisitng conditions will still be allowed. The health care firms will get even more money.
Drug prices will still be astronomical for the public. For govt. employees and vets under Tri-Care, this never happens.
Obama says that govt. employees get great deal because of the number of people in the pool. But he doesn't talk about the power of govt. employee unions (and their lobbyists).

If we have to go back on a state high risk system, our new premiums will go up almost 300%. If we work for a large firm with group coverage, they can still go up.

Yet, Obama keeps saying that "it's not practical" for the States to have national care. Then how come other countries implemented it and are doing fine?

Because while we have Medicare, Social Security and other govt. services, this would be "evil socialism". And Obama's pissed off about being labelled something that he's not?

The Democrats are terrified of pissing off the anit-single-payer lobby. Then they'll lose millions in "campaign contributions". They'll get voted out of office. And then (if they have 20 years of service) they'll have to tough it out on their pension, govt. health care. And various other gravy train sources of income. How rough can it be?

The bottom line is money and power. If someone has it and sees a threat to it, they'll do literally anything it takes to stop it. And if someone else becomes homeless and dies because of lack of health care, to hell with you.

If you want to watch this, be very cautious.

Friday, March 19, 2010

How's It Going?

Friday night, and we're staying in. Money's tight, so you do what you have to.

How's your balance? We're really working on taking things in tiny segments. Another part of it sticking to boundaries.

Is there one specific thing that's causing the trauma to flood out? My multiples and little kid say no. Yet, at times it's crippling. Not suicidal, but at times it feels close.

How do you cope when this happens? You scream, punch things out. And feel like you're going to black out. Yet, what other choice do you have except to fight back? Just going with the flow doesn't work for us.

Then you're totally exhausted. Yet, you have to keep going. What keeps you going?

Usually, we're fighting about 50 lucid dreams a day. Also, body memory and dissociating.

Any suggestions on this? Have a nice night.

Working for a Balance

It is Friday. Much of the same weird stuff is happening worldwide. So stick to your boundaries.

Many things still feel raw. Which means everything still has to be edited. But despite that, we're trying to be as proactive as possible.

If you have those rough periods where you need to take a break every five minutes, go ahead. If despair is really bad, we turn everything off and go for a walk. Don't give into the urge to check your email every 5 minutes. Obama has to do that. But we don't.

If you don't set boundaries, what can happen? Instead of enjoying your day, you're preoccupied with your inbox. And really, unless you're a CEO of a major intl. firm, what kind of way is that to live?

Enjoy your day.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Protection is the Key

Just had a nice light lunch. And now back to the applications. More openings are happening at different companies. Good thing we have the Skype number.

As for the bad news everywhere you look, protection is the bottom line. If necessary, try a media fast:

Only look, read, listen to or watch things online that you HAVE to deal with. All the other stuff? Stay away.

Try it for 24 hours and see how you feel. Much of the corporate MSM operates on a 10-minute-segment-then-5-minutes-of-commercials system. Turn off the news and the spots. If it's all depressing, what's the point?

If you can, try it for one week. And see how you feel.

Odds are the White House won't be trying to reach you on some critical issue. Again, set boundaries where needed. And see how you feel.

Back to the applications.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Time for a new FAQ:

Do you really have an office staff?: No, unfortuately we don't. We're not an LLC, corporation, non-profit, or some other legal catagory. Instead, we're just one source getting a message out that needs to be heard. The MSM doesn't want to pay attention. So we'll build our own network.

Will you sell out for the big bucks and the fast lane Hollywood lifestyle?: A lot of rumours have bee flying around about Murdoch or somebody else trying to buy us out. Would we then end up like Bill the Cat in "Bloom County" (still a very cool cartoon strip)? Not a chance. We won't post ads here or a Pay Pal button. Because profiting off misery may be cool to others. But not here.

How do you cope with no single payer health care in the States?: Our intl. readers still ask this. The best thing is to deal with it in sections.

We're not responsible for saving the world from the Evil Neocons. Instead, protection comes first. We know firsthand that national health care works. Also, if necessary there are other places in the world where you can live and be happy. It's all individual decisions. Can you emigrate on a refugee status due to no health care? It IS denying one of your human rights (under the U.N. Charter on Human Rights). On the other hand, at Immigration you're always at the mercy of whoever reads your file.

That's enough for now.

It's All a Big Sellout

Allow us to deviate for a second into the new "health care reform" that the Democrats are trying to push at the last minute.

In case you haven't heard these, here's a summary:

The anti-single payer lobby is spending $1 million A DAY to kill this.
There are actually people who want to keep paying higher premiums for "coverage" which isn't coverage.
By the time you finish reading this, one person will either be bankrupt or dead from lack of health care.
Obama's using people who are sick and became bankrupt (due to high premiums) as political footballs for the midterm elections.
Key Democrats who swore they would NEVER stop fighting for single payer are selling out. Today's winner: Dennis Kucinich.
Not one member of Congress will become bankrupt, homeless or die due to lack of health care.

All that matters is winning in November. Outspin the other side. And then tell the voters, we had "reform". But the Other Side stopped it. Blame them, don't blame us. And please vote for us in November.

Do any of the "power players" involved in this lack the best health care money can buy? No. Has Howard Dean ever been denied care because of a pre-existing condition? No.

Yet, the rest of us are supposed to say, you take what little you can get upfront. And then fight for years to get the next little peace.

Translation: Inside the Beltway, all that matters is maintaining the status quo. All threats to our money and power must be stopped at all costs. And if people die in the process, screw 'em.

We seriously wonder how these people can live with themselves.

Feeling Really Battered

Almost no sleep last night (due to dissociating, body memory and lucid dreams). Now, after some lunch we feel like we have some balance again.

We're still staying away from the news. Too violent and too triggering.

Protect yourself at all costs.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Turn It All Off(contains graphic content)

Sitting here enjoying our iced tea before going back to the applications.

Right now, no noise. No Blackberry and no news whatsoever. It's way too violent and triggering. Instead, we're focusing on balance. In the diet, exercise. And in paying attention to the effects that different things have on you.

Part of it is keeping your I-can-singlehandedly-save-the-world impulse in perspective. Protection comes first. Then, focus on a section of something that's not a threat. You care. But more importantly you care about your protection first.

For now, we've hit a wall regarding extra help with symptoms. Most people are telling us stuff that we already know. One person still hasn't rung back. And, some areas (like the role of diet in treating PTSD) nobody has any clue about. We would sit and write our future bestseller on this. But without an advance that doesn't pay the bills.

At times, why are we still getting bombarded with billions of images, sights, sounds and body memory all flooding out? Not always, but at times you feel like you're this close to snapping and turning psycotic (for lack of a better phrase). Most mental health support here is geared towards battered women. Almost none of it is for guy rape survivors.

We're still waiting on the universal health care. In the meantime, we can't afford to go to a live therapist. Which means we have to continue with our network of help lines, sites and others for continuity.

How do you protect yourself? Do you have national health care in your area? Does anyone not believe you when you talk about symptoms? Do you still have nightmares where it feels like the whole world is beating you down into the ground?

Thanks for the support. And we hope you feel safe enough to post a comment here. As the map tells you, our audience is worldwide. But, we have no secret database on anyone. The map is only there to hopefully add to the overall look of the blog.

In a good sense, please link this everywhere it will help. Think of it as global holistic guerrilla marketing.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Time to Focus

It's Monday. Day 3 of staying away from the news. Sports scores is the only thing we're dealing with.

Also, we're really trying to stay away from lots of acidic food all the time. Lots of sources seem to say that too much of it acts as a stimulant (which can then make symptoms worse and cause other problems as well). If you keep a good akaline/acidic mix in your diet, it can help. And, magnesium. Lots of acidic stuff depletes your body of megnesium.

Can we survive on 2 glasses of juice (for our sugar fix) a day? It's only 11:27 a.m.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Hanging On

A rough day today with symptoms and despair. We won't hurt ourselves. But it's tough to keep our balance when it feels like we're getting bombarded with billions of triggers, flashbacks and endless despair.

Protect yourself at all costs.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Today We Chill

A nice sunny weekend. Also, more horrible nightmares last night. We won't go into specifics. But, we called a crisis line and that did help.

Today, it's chill out day. Stay away from all triggers. The Blackberry is off. We haven't looked at the news today. And have no desire to.

You have to set boundaries. And right now healing is all that matters.

Enjoy your day.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Fighting Thru the Bureaucracy

It really is Friday. A nice sunny day here. Soak up the chi, drink some lemonade. And stay away from Bernanke and Geithner.

How are your symptoms? Are you getting the help you need? We're trying our global sources to see if there's something else that we can add to our holistic routine. And it seems that literally there's nothing else.

All therapists worldwide have some restrictions they have to deal with. Yet, we're really trying to stay away from the anger and frustration of feeling ignored. You don't want to admit that we exist. Yet, we're supposed to get help.

How to cope with this? Set boundaries. Stay away from all triggers as much as possible. Cover your tracks online. And if you have to, leave a situation. It may not be worth it to give others there an in-depth seminar on the effects of PTSD.

The other tip of the day? Get a Skype number. From what our sources are saying, it's a great tool. Especially for trauma survivors on hold fighting the bureaucracy.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Keep This in Mind

Normally we don't give out free links to just anybody. But check this out and keep it in mind. It applies in many ways to trauma survivors fighting to cope:

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Sometimes This Stuff Writes Itself (contains graphic content)


The number of US female soldiers sexually assaulted by their male counterparts and superiors in Iraq and Afghanistan has jumped by 25%, official US data shows.

According to the latest Pentagon figures over 3,700 women were sexually assaulted in year 2009, which is close to a third of US female veteran population.

This is while the Pentagon estimates that 80 to 90 percent of rapes don't get reported for fear of retaliation.

The Defense Task Force meanwhile found that only 8% of those military rape charges that have been reported result in prosecution, and astonishingly, about 80% of those who do get convicted are honorably discharged from the army.

"There are a few serial rapists over there who get away with it, because of the way the military law is set up," Lori Manning from Women's Research and Educational Institute told Press TV.

Some women who join the military to help fight in Iraq and Afghanistan say they are more likely to be raped by a fellow American soldier than getting killed by enemy fire.

What percentage of rape suvivors in the military are guys?

Some women survivors say they have no recourse against their attackers. What about the guys?

The suicide rate in the military is the highest it's ever been. How many of these are rape survivors (both women and men)?

If Obama really cares about vets like he SAYS he does, why this stupid double standard?

How come much of the progressive media NEVER talks about guy survivors?

If a guy survivor comes forward to press charges, will he be dishonorably discharged?

What if a rape survivor is attacked and killed. And then it's disclosed that they were gay or lesbian? Would anybody pay attention?

What Works and What Doesn't

Is it Wednesday? Time for lunch and to catch up on some news. But everything has to be censored. It still feels like everywhere you look it's earthquakes, pedophiles running around, and no accountability by anybody.

How are your boundaries working for you? One big part for us is our contact information. We only give it out if absolutely necessary. Some govt. offices automatically ask for it. And lately we've been asking, do you REALLY need to know this?

What happens when you speak out and NOBODY pays attention? You try calling different people in Congress. And NOBODY EVER calls back. You call them and it feels like the intern who answered is reading a script and trying really hard to get rid of you. And they wonder why so many people hate them?

Do you still have nightmares? Ours still happen. And lately we're still waking up in the middle of the night.

If we go out we still take a weapon with us. Lucid dreams still happen at the worst times. And even though it's a dream you still have to fight back.

Everyone has to decide for themselves whether to go public or not. Aside from here, we literally can't do it without having lots of huge problems. Just because of something that isn't our fault.

Instead of obsessing about it, keep your self control and focus in a positive way. It's the positive karma idea.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

FAQ #2

More latenight applications. But no snacks after 6 p.m. We'll see if that helps with the nightmares.

As for other stuff, time for another FAQ Section. Hopefully this will help to clarify what we're trying to do with this blog.

How can I post my thoughts here?: Post after one of ours. Or email to ptsdsurvival at

How many multiple personalities do you have?: 25 (as far as I know). And my little kid.

Is anybody monitoring all of my comments here?: Unless we didn't get a new memo, the govt. continues to monitor ALL communications in the States. The reasoning: to protect us from "terrorists". If you have nothing to hide, then don't worry about it.

Frankly, does it worry us if some NSA person is reading all of our posts for "dangerous content"? No. That's just sad.

Our advice? If you cover your tracks, no worries.

What's the hardest part of being a survivor?: Tough to say. Maybe the crippling despair that comes out of nowhere.

Hope this helps in your healing.

Coping With It All

4:39 a.m. our time as we write this. Had more nightmares last night. We won't get into specifics and intentionally trigger you. But it just feels like everywhere you turn it's nothing but trauma.

This in turn makes you ask, is there ANYTHING we can look at safely today? Everything seems terrifying. And on top of that, nobody wants to admit that you exist.

Will Obama's Health Care pass? The long term plan (in our opinion) is this:

He's going to Australia in about ten days. There, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is trying to reform the Aussie health care system as well. If both were to be done by the time they meet, can you spell intl. photo ops?

Obama criticizes the anti-single payer lobby. Then the Democrats take millions from them. And now he's criticizing them again. And, trying to get the public on his side. If it passes, see, we have REFORM. If it doesn't, it can spun to make the Other Evil Side even worse. The public wants it. And you're pissing them off. Please re-elect the Democrats in the mid-terms.

What can be done here?

The for-profit health coverage firms make money off of death. It's not coverage.

This to us sounds like a form of "terrorism" (terrorism being "a threat to the American people").

Obama keeps saying it's my sworn duty to do EVRYTHING necessary to protect the American people.

Yet, in this case he's not. But so many Obama supporters still say he can do no wrong.

What he should do is use the Patriot Act to declare this a National Emergency. Then implement single payer coverage for all.

If he does (n the current political climate), what will happen?

Some will support him. Also, his political career will be over.

Why won't he do this? Because if he dares to fight back, he'll be labelled as just another "uppity" black politician? If that's wrong, then what is it?

They're ****ing with people's lives. All to maintain their money and power.

But you already knew that.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Equal Time (Contains graphic content)

Happy International Women's Day. It's a time to talk about lots of important issues that affect women (and society overall).

Yet, we're dissappointed by a big double standard. There's lots of talk about sexual assault. Protecting women survivor's rights in school at work and in other areas.

But NOT ONCE does anybody talk about guy survivors.

They know they're there. So they can't use that as an excuse.

Instead, what's the excuse? "According to the latest national studies from (fill in the blank), the percentage is extremely small".

What the **** does THAT mean?:

It's too small. So who cares?
We just don't talk about stuff like that.
If a guy gets raped, what's his problem? It's HIS fault. So why can't HE fix it?

How many times have all guy survivors heard this before?

What's the indirect message? We don't like you. We don't want you here. So go away. But, you know you really should get some help.

But don't expect us to acknowledge that you exist. Don't expect any Congressional hearings. Don't expect any stories on (fill in the blank with a famous news show). Because you won't get it.

So piss off and go away.

Since I started this blog, only a few friends know that I write this. If I were to out myself, many things could happen:

I could be denied jobs.
I could be denied health care.

All because of something that's not my fault.

How come I don't count? I have many of the same problems as a woman survivor does. Yet, just because I'm a guy I'm not allowed to be human and have the same emotions that she does? Because she's a woman and guys just don't show their emotions?

If a guy vet has PTSD, he'll get a Congressional hearing and time on C-SPAN. But if he's a guy rape survivor, we don't want you here.

The suicide rate for vets in the States is still the highest rate ever.
In Australia, 6 people nationally kill themselves every day.

Question: How many of these people are guy rape survivors?

All trauma survivors deserve to be heard. Both women and men.

Keep Your Self Control

Back to it. Have a nice weekend? Ours was fighting a lot of symptoms. And many times just turning everything off.

These days, it's depressing stuff everywhere you look. The economy's falling apart. Earthquakes, droughts and blizzards in February. Unechecked torture and nobody seems to care. And, at times you feel like you're the ONLY one that sees all of this.

Many sources that we trust say that's common for trauma survivors. A sharper intuition. Picking up on what seems to be the obvious.

How do you cope when it feels like the world won't pay attention to you?

First, you have no control over what others do and say. We know that we didn't ask to get raped. We didn't ask to have PTSD and be treated like dirt everywhere we go. So instead of dwelling on that, concentrate on boundaries and your healing.

Protect yourself online.

Guard your contact information.

Be selective in who you talk to about trauma.

Even if the health care system denies you coverage because of being a survivor, try to have some type of backup to protect yourself. It may mean out-of-pocket costs for you. But there are ways to do it.

Don't give into the urge to punch out your TV when you see these idiots talking. You'll feel even more depressed because you can't afford a new one.

As for those times when the world will never admit that you're there, we're not always sure what to do. The despair can be crippling. You say you care about me. But we want nothing to do with being raped. Because that's just TOO weird.

If that happens to us, many times we just cut them off. Getting pissed off at them won't change anything.

Instead, build your own network to be heard. Fortunately, Murdoch doesn't have control over the Net yet. And, nobody else will do it for you.

Which means you can feel good about yourself. Despite it feeling like the world's trying to beat you into the ground.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Not Backing Down(contains graphic content)

How's your weekend? Symptoms are still hitting us hard at times. You scream and fight to stay grounded. But at times you think you're going to black out.

Another frustrating thing is seeing others who say they want to expose a lot of wrongdoing in the world. You try to tell them about the hypocracy that a lot of trauma survivors have to put up with. But for whatever reason they can't be bothered.

What does this say? Even in dealing with trauma, there are just some things that we don't talk about in polite society? And if you don't like it, just piss off and go away?

It's a stupid double standard that could cause you to get eaten alive by the anger and the frsutration. But instead, we're still choosing to go in a positive direction.

If yo don't want to listen, fine. We'll build our own network to be heard. It seems to be part of the old thing of selective activism. Take parts that you can handle and work on those.

Does this help you in your healing process? If you have other ideas, post them here. Or email to ptsdsurvival at

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Fighting to Be Heard

Into the weekend. A nice sunny day, a giant glass of lemonade. And we don't have to wait forever while surfing online.

What we do have to keep in mind is this. How to cope when it feels like the world doesn't want to admit that you exist.

The MSM will NEVER admit that guy survivors exist. And, much of the progressive as well. When they bloody well know that we're there.

What do you do if you decide to speak out? Many instantly label you with PTSD. You can be denied health care because of something that's not your fault.

What are you supposed to do then?

We try not to get eaten alive by the anger and frustration. Instead, we're working on building our own network to get the word out (without hurting ourselves in the process).

You can use a lot of the common tools (podcasts, the PayPal Donate Button, and others). But, another part of it is consistent content.

Others can laugh at you, treat you like dirt. And if they're really bored, they can hack your site. But one thing they CAN'T do is silence you.

It's dog-eat-dog in many ways. But we choose to do it in a positive way.

Back to the lemonade.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Time for a Question (Contains Graphic Content)

It really is Friday. All of the usual political rubbish is still happening. But at least you know happy hour is now about 4 hours away (depending on where you are in the world).

Speaking of global stuff, maybe a lot of this is happening to you. Maybe not. But go thru this list and see how you fit into it.

You're a guy survivor that didn't ask to be raped. You have PTSD and try not to intentionally trigger others. You have all of the usual symptoms. And it feels like everywhere you turn, nobody wants to listen.

Many therapists think you're lying. Many think that PTSD is a joke. For vets, it's a draft dodge. People that you thought you could trust and help in some way laugh in your face and say it's your fault. We want nothing to do with you. Just shut up and go away. But you really need to get help.

Hang on a minute. We don't exist. Yet we need to get help from people that won't help us.

Human emotions (especially for trauma survivors) are not like a light switch. Saying shut up and get on with it doesn't solve anything.

If you're in this situation, what do you do?

Post your comments or email to ptsdsurvival at

Thursday, March 4, 2010

How's Your Balance?

Lunchtime on a Thursday. Lots of applications to put in. And lots of stuff online to stay away from.

We still have the feeling at times that we're 4 steps ahead of everybody else. Which can save you lots of money (no need to buy any newspapers, magazines, etc.). You have to keep in mind work on something in segments. It's not our job to single handedly save the world from the evil neocons.

The diet is a real challenge as well. 70% akaline/30% acidic. Yet, there are lots of things that have three different effects all at the same time.

Gluten is bad for you if you're gluten-intolerant or have Celiac's Disease. It depletes your seratonin and can cause depression and possibly cancer. So how much water should you drink to counterbalance the acidic stuff? Most people say 6-8 glasses a day. But what if that DOESN'T work? What do you do then?

We're checking a lot of our global sources. An so for literally nobody has seen or heard of any information re: diet and it's effects on trauma survivors. How much money do these various national institutes of health get?

Let's assume these are two standards you should stick to:
Salt: no more than 500 mg. a day.
Sugar: no more than 50 grams a day.

In the typical U.S. diet:
One jar of salsa: 1,500 mgs. of salt.
1 can of soda: 40 grams of sugar.
Potentially, one meal could be double what your daily limits should be.

Trick question. How come not once is this mentioned in Obama's Great Health Care Summits? How come not once is the proven effectiveness of holistic treatments never mentioned? Keep in mind that govt. employees have universal care. Literally the best care 24/7 that money can buy. If they're using holistic treatments and getting reimbursed, we'll be REALLY pissed off.

Blissful wishing on Obama's part for bi-partisanship will never solve anything. But apparently, his spin team is telling him stick to this line. And we'll clean up in the mid-terms in November.

And that's all that matters. Maintaining party power and profit.

In our area, many doctors can't be bothered with dealing with health coverage. And, now many are also saying if you have Medicare, Medicaid or some other low-income coverage, don't call us to make an appointment. For the universal coverage here, you have to go thru a govt. office to make appointments with approved doctors.

Do any politicians have to go thru this? No.

Would they willingly give up their universal coverage to show solidarity with the voters? Don't make us laugh.

But apparently this crap will keep right on going. Because we're not yet at The "Great Turning Point in Society". Whatever the hell that means.

Back to job hunting.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Delicate Balance

Time to catch up online.

Are you feeling as bombarded as we are? You try to look at stuff online. And you literally feel like there's no point because you're the ONLY one that sees the whole picture. And do we really need to see the usual racist posts about Obama? No thanks.

Focusing righ now is a real challenge. We're trying a new approach. No tomato-based foods or drinks. More water to try and have a better acid/akaline balance. Imagine trying to focus non-stop all day long. Now stretch that over a really long time. We're staying off stimulants as much as possible. We still do the other holistic stuff as well. And yet, we feel like we have to fight all day long to not black out.

There's nothing medically wrong. All the sources who we trust say the same thing: it's trauma flooding out. And not one specific thing. This leads to really exhausting and debilitating days.

We put in our universal health care application. It takes three weeks and then we'll see. At this point, no commercial coverage firm knows that we have PTSD. If it comes to applying with them, there's a very high chance that we could be uninsurable (unless we luck out and get into a corporate group policy).

Opportunites are still coming up to speak out on a broad intl. platform. But unless we absolutely have to, we won't. There's no point in outing ourselves and then potenitally being denied health care because of something that's not our fault.

If we did have to emigrate, many parts of Europe and Asia have great universal care. Does the anti-single payer lobby realize that many people in the States are online? And, that they're getting much of their information from abroad? Apparently not.

A source in Paris says if you're on a work visa, no problem in getting coverage. Private is available. It's just more complicated if you're self-employed.

Do we still have crippling despair at times? Yes. On the other hand, we refuse to give in and give them the satisfaction.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

FAQ #1

Greetings to our global audience (now in around 13 countries). Thanks for the continued support.

We were on the phone all day trying to find out if we can get victim compensation. Here in the States, each one has a victim compensation program. The usual statute of limitations is three years. In some cases, you can get an extension. But in our case, so far almost no one is calling back.

If we do pursue this, it means a police report. Also, a possible trip to where much of this took place, testifying/facing one psycho who did this, and more. The down side: if we did do this, it becomes public. And if we don't get universal care, we could be denied by every commercial health care firm (unless we got into a group plan).

Diet is a real key part of healing right now. At times we have to fight to focus. It's not the usual just getting tired. It's literally having to focus to not snap.

Have you tesitfied against those who raped you? If yes, was it worth it? Post your thoughts if you want.

Now time for a short FAQ:

Is this a totally anonymous blog?: Yes it is. We keep no database of names, numbers and more on those who check us out.

What's the best way to protect myself online?: Basically, think like a hacker. Leave no obvious trail as you post. Mix up your user names as much as possible.

Why don't you go public?: There's no reason to. We've done a few radio interviews re: being a guy survivor. But in many cases it was naturally exploited for ratings. And nobody cared.

Which means selective activism. Take sections of something and work on those. Odds are us going public won't change the global taboo about being a guy survivor. Instead, we're creating our own network to get the word out. And, unfortunately much of the progressive media has the same attitude as the MSM. They just can't be bothered to deal with the fact that guys do get raped.

You could be pissed off about that 24/7. But what good does that do? Instead, say fine. I'll go in a different direction. And concentrate on that.

For many survivors, at times you have to face hard realities and make a choice. In our case, almost everyone who we thought would care and try to help us didn't. And they never will.

This means you either stay in a disfunctional system. Or, you go in a positive direction. And that's what we did.

Will I have to pay for content here?: Absolutely not. Odds are Murdoch, Steve Jobs or Bill Gates won't be offering to buy us out. And even if they did, we'd never agree. Because if we did, it's literally what the hell's the point of continuing something with people who have no clue about it? You can't outsource trauma (hope that makes sense).

Enough already.

Screaming to be Heard

Finally there's a sense of balance. We still have to fight to wake up and not dissociate in the morning. Several sources that we trust keep saying that it's trauma flooding out. Which is true.

Yet, overall it's still really debilitating:

You try to go to bed early. And you wake up every two hours. Then, you can't go back to sleep and it's 3 a.m. What do you do then?

You feel like you're getting assaulted with stimulus. And you're this close to blacking out (sometimes while driving). How do you not black out? If you do, what happens when you come to and you don't know what's happened? How do you explain that to others who might be screaming at you?

We're still going to apply for the local universal health care. In many ways it's like the NHS in the U.K. At this point, we'd be shocked if the govt. did pass a health care bill this year.

It won't happen for several reasons. (And if you know all of these already, please don't smash your laptop or desktop as you read these):

The necons literally live for blocking every single thing that Obama tries to do.

The Democrats first say they need 60 votes to pass something. Now, magically it's gone down to 51. If you only need 51, then why didn't you use this "extremely complicated process" earlier?

Because both are as always exploiting the other. The necons are filibustering right now. And look at the ramifications. No unemployment benefits or COBRA coverage (short term health coverage for our intl. readers). Medicare payments are being stopped. Infrastructure is being affected. All because some neocons think that "unemployment benefits encourage people to be lazy and not find a job."

Does this also mean that since you have universal health care this encourages you to get the best care money can buy for every insignificant health problem that comes up?

And as usual, the real answer to this is cutting into money and power. If you cut into the power elite's profit, then this in turn will affect their power. The States is a mostly consumer driven society. Some pundits are saying screw marching in the streets. People are too damn busy fighting to survive.

Ok. Then as you do that, everybody cut way back on your spending. This is perfectly legal and can be done 24/7. Anywhere without fear of the cops hauling your ass off to jail. What are they gonna bust you for? Spending too LITTLE on your credit cards?

Why won't people do this? We don't know. And at this point, if we wrote a book about it, odds are many publishers would say, it's been done already and hang up.

From a trauma survivor's perspective, how do you cope with this? Compartmentalize and then take it in segments.

Back to the job hunting.

Monday, March 1, 2010

How Much Can You Multitask?

How's your Monday? Here, we're on hold trying to get thru to the Universal Health care office. How much can one person multi-task? We'll see.

We're finally coming back from the cold. Still fighting symptoms, though.

What helps you when lucid dreams happen? What helps when you feel like everything is closing in on you? We're trying to really be aware of diet and how it can potentially mess up your chemical balance. There are tons of PTSD studies online. But we've never found one that specifically talks about the role of diet. Time for our new bestseller?

In case you haven't heard, here in the States unemployment benefits and COBRA (short-term health coverage) have stopped (due to a neocon power ploy). Any ideas on when these will resume? Apparently Obama will never ever deviate from "we must have bi-partisanship". Which from a purely political stance is smart. If nothing is done, you can perpetuate the old "it's THEIR fault" line.

On hold now for over 20 minutes. And still no luck.

When you're fighting to not get stuck in your fight-or-flight mechanism, have you ever blacked out from sheer exhaustion? What helps you to NOT do that?

NOTE: Thanks for the global support. Please link us everywhere you can. And, feel free to post comments or email to ptsdsurvival at