Sorry to be away for a while. Nothing intentional. Just being bombarded with symptoms. Finding the new job. And trying not to vanish.
Everything is REALLY RAW right now. I can't watch TV, listen to tunes, or read anything on line (unless I have to). Everything has to be edited. Triggers are everywhere. All the usual PTSD ones. I still do all the holistic stuff. But despite all that, at times the crippling despair hits. And what do you then?
I went to therapy yesterday. And one of the hardest things is facing the total reality of how f****d up this is. Imagine dissociating every day for 35 years. With no break. Now, everything is flooding out. At times there's some intergration and a sense of calmness. But everything has to be screened. Local mental health help is non-existant. Which means you go elsewhere. Aside from here, one of the best sources for help is a crisis center in Toronto. Naturally Canadians are smart enough to have single payer health care. Can millions of people who also like Molson's and Hockey Night in Canada be wrong? I don't think so.
Sometimes we lie down and scream while fighting to not dissociate. The anger is so bad at times that we think we're going to black out. But it feels like the rest of the world says we don't want you. So what do you do then?
Thanks for the support. Please pass this URL onto everyone you think it might help. Word -of-mouth really does work.