Monday, January 31, 2011

Protect Yourself (Contains Potentially Triggering Content. Read at your own risk).

How's your Monday? The past few days here have been rough for several reasons:

Lots of fights with the "immediate family".
Finally facing the full reality of our trauma.
Deapair from being abandoned and to this day the hypocracy of someone
saying they care about you. But then they insult your intelligence and lie to your face. And then, they have to nerve to try and lecuture you on being honest.

Can this get any weirder?

Now, the good news. We still have mild PTSD. But there has been a lot of albeit painful healing.

Adrenalin surges almost never happen.
We can focus again.
Dissociating is still there at times. But way less than it used to be.
We can wake up in the morning and not have to fight and scream to focus.

Essentially, the only real problem (depending on how you look at healing) is despair in trying to deal with a flood of emotions and raw realties.
Which means we're no longer "disabled" in any sense of the word.

As for others who continue to ignore this reality, we don't care anymore. We're tired of being insulted to our face and treated like shit by bullies who use money and email as weapons to try and control people. No more contact with them in any way. Also, keep your money and everything else. We want nothing from you.

And it's only 10:36 a.m.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Fighting to Keep Our Balance (Contains Content that Might be Triggering. Read at your own risk).

It feels like all of the horror of our trauma is flooding out. A segment at a time, we're fighting to keep our positive balance.

As for the "immediate family", no support re: trauma and there never will be. Some of them are still temporarily helping us out financially as we get the new jobs. However, it's rough when someone says you need to apply for supplemental income. But, they'll never have the courtesy to say to your face the reason for applying for it in the first place. And, they could care less about it.

How would you react in this situation?

The despair and fear is still there at times. But, we'll keep going. What else can you do?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

It Must be Tuesday

Today, it's an experiment. Can we go thru one day with almost no salt? It feels like w have almost no tolerance for it. Is it possible to be allergic to salt? Is it possible to be allergic to "natural ingredients" in potato chips and other food? We'll see how it goes.

We're still covering bases and keeping in mind we're not responsible for what others do and say. We have our bad days with this like everybody else. Then again, what else can you do but just keep your side of things clean and go on?

So far, no withdrawl symptoms. A good sign.....

Monday, January 24, 2011

Try Not to Get Beaten Down

How's your Monday? Lots of triggering stuff is happening. So screen it to protect yourself.

Here, also lots of disappointing stuff with the "immediate family". Essentially, they'll never care about what we think or say. Just keep your freaking mouth shut and do as your told. Some of them are helping us out financially temporarily. But now, with the supplemental income (SSI) appeal still there, the attitude is, that's not f***ing good enough. We could care less what you think or how you feel about this. Keep your mouth shut and do as your told. Also, we don't trust you. So we're going to check everything you do.

We're not going to drink again or off ourselves. Instead, protect yourself at all costs. Keep your contact with these people as polite and limited as possible. That way, you don't have to apologize for anything that you say and do. As for them, they have to live with what they say and do. Not us.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

How Do You Cope?

Staying warm this weekend? We're still sticking to our as-healthy-as-possible diet. But despair still happens at times.

When it does, you just want to get into bed and hide under the covers. Sources that we trust keep saying this is severe trauma that has to come out. How do you cope when you feel almost paralyzed?

On the other hand, we're covering more job on the job hunting front. We're also trying to always have as mnay options as possible.

Back to the sites.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Fighting for Balance

Here, a rough Friday with lots of dissociating. Now, finally some calm.

One reason? Way too much salt in the diet. Does this mean we have no tolerance at all for salt or spicy stuff? We're not sure.

However, we're still sticking to tiny segments. We're also getting more job leads covered as well. But we still have to censor everything.

Do you cry at night? We do.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Keep Your Focus

How are your symptoms? For us, adrenalin surges are tough to handle. We try a lot of the usual grounding techniques:

deep breathing
holding onto solid things around you

But at times these don't work. What do you do then?

Are you bombarded with flashbacks? We're fighting to stay aware of what's real and what's not. It's tough to know.

Keep your focus.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Screen Everything and Stay off the Acidic stuff

Thanks to the new global audience:

The Bay Area

We're really paying attention to the diet. No salt, sugar, caffeine or junk food as much as possible. Do everything you can to help your chi flow.

There's still emptiness. However, we take breaks when we need to and keep going. Try to set aside what's out of your hands.

Lots of job networking. There is no perfect way to job hunt anymore. Try everything you can to maximize your odds.

Back to the posts.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

How do You Feel?

Had a horrible night last night. We lost our apt. key and coulnd't get our building maintenance to let us in. We thought we'd have to stay up all night (we couldn't find a place to crash for the night). Then, at about 4 a.m. we finally found the key. Today it's been try to catch up on sleep and other stuff.

These days, we're feeling empty. We can't trust 99.9% of anybody else. Which means we do what we feel is best to keep our balance. Set that aside and keep moving forward. We also have violent flashbacks and dissociating. Now though, just an empty feeling.

Hope your day's better.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Be Nice to Yourself

Hi to our growing global audience:
Simi Valley, CA.

Dissociating is really rough these days. Depression is crippling at times. You know you have things to do. But it takes a LOT of energy to do even the smallest stuff.

You try to stay grounded and not black out. But lucid deams happen and you have to fight your way out. Then at the end of the day you're exhausted. But what else can you do? Just "go with your feelings"? No.

We still haven't been able to start with a new therapist. We'll just keep going with other sources in the interim.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Stay Warm and Aware

Here, really cold and overcast. But, at least there's no snowdrift to fight your way out of.

How's everything else? We're still censoring everything because it needs to be done. Symptoms still happen (especially anger and severe dissociating). We don't know where we are and have to fight to not black out. Despair is also still there.

How do you cope with the urge to singelhandedly save the world? Do you have to check yourself at times and say, hang on a minute. That's not my responsibility? It would be nice to be able to. Then again, what's more important? Have your overall balance first. Then take on other stuff.

We still cry at night and the despair comes back. But, we're not responsible for what others do and say. We just do what we have to to protect ourselves.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Protect Yourself at all Costs

Here, we never intentionally try to trigger anybody. However, as you work online, we suggest that you censor everything. There's a lot of really violent and sick stuff everywhere. The Powers that Be don't seem to care about it.

While they don't, that doesn't mean that you can't. If you don't have to deal with it, don't. If you don't have to go a store that makes your symptoms worse, don't go. There are other things to do and places to go.

We want nothing to do with it. This means we have to make changes and ban some sites. On the other hand, what's more important? Adding to the corporate MSM's profit margin? Or, protecting your balance?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

More Popular than Your Well Known Global Bank

Another overcast and cold day. But at least there's no snow. Also, with floods and all the rest of it that's happening, there's NO connection to global warming. Right.

Hi to our always growing global audience:

South Africa
The Russian Federation
New York City
and Anchorage, Alaska

Maybe we should start our own global talk show?

How are your symptoms? For us, despair is still there. We edit everything becuase there's way too much violent stuff in the world. At times, we don't know where we are (despite using the usual grounding techniques). But we keep going.

Please link us everywhere you can. It's not "spam" if you word a post in the right way. There's more than one way to stay ahead of the "crack team of screeners" on those OTHER sites.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Edit Everything

Back to it, and more editing. We still have to screen everything because it's way too violent. Nightmares and lucid dreams still happen at times as well.

It's not just eating too late at night. It really is a combination of what you eat, do, watch and read. You have to protect yourself.

How do you cope with fighting symptoms and everything else that needs to be done? Despair is crippling at times. Then again, we're not responsible for what others do and say. You can choose how to react to it to protect yourself.

Welcome to our new readers in South Africa and the UAE. Spread the word and link us everywhere you can (no spam, please).

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Stay Warm and Focused

Today, cold, wet and cloudy. A good time to stay in and drink. Wait a minute, we can't drink anymore. That's ok. Some nice hot tea and a snack.

Feeling focused these days? We still have to fight all the time to keep ours. But take it in tiny segments.

Any links, etc. that you think are helpful, please send them. If we think they're ok, we'll post them in our Links Section.

Have a nice day.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Finding Your Balance

How's your weekend? We've been fighting symptoms and despair all day. We're not sure who to trust at times or what to do. Everything takes a LOT of effort to do.

How do you cope with this? We limit contact with some people as much as possible because that's the best thing to do. However, at night despair is really crippling. Not to the point of offing yourself. But it's hard to deal with. Several sources that we trust say it's trauma flooding out.

Also, you have to fight back. If we don't we'll fall apart. You feel like an empty shell that the world is beating down into the ground. So just "going with your feelings" doesn't work.

Other than protecting yourself, what else can you do?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Online Security and Then Some

Question: Can you trust anyone online?

The govt. in the States is monitoring all of our communications. Despite this, millions of us keep working and posting stuff online 24/7. The rationale being, if you have nothing to hide, then why worry? It's all to protect you from "terrorists". Whatever that means.

As for trauma survivors, this means that you have to cover all of your tracks for a variety of reasons. Aside from not wanting to be outed, you have to think about personal security as well. Without giving it away, it is possible to find someone with just a few items to start with.

How then do you protect yourself? Here are some steps. Excuse us if you know these already:

Never leave obvious clues in your online content that someone can connect.

Change your password at least once a week. Make them as complicated as possible. Why? Because many people fall back on easy ones. If someone wants to hack you, make them work for it.

If necessary, use fake IP addresses. You can use these to cover your tracks online.

Use encrypted email. It's free and very useful. Does the govt. need to read ALL of your mail? No they don't.

If you have a high volume of calls, why not get an 800 number? It's a cheap and easy way to have your calls screened for you. If Bill Murray can do it, you can too.

These are just some ideas that could be helpful. Nobody is going to protect your positive balance, your home or your life. Not to make anyone paranoid about this. But just take as many reasonable steps as possible.

Do you really need to give out your main email address to everyone? No. Build up a rotating collection of addresses to use for various purposes. All perfectly legal and very useful.

If you know of more steps, please comment.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Time for Some Changes

How's your midweek going? Here, we've decided to make some necessary changes. Not to the blog. But to several ways we're trying to cope.

First, several things that we really don't need to see/hear/read about anymore are now banned. It's getting really boring to say stay away and then you eventually go back to it. This only makes symptoms worse. If the Powers that Be want to be stupid enough to keep doing this crap, we say we want no part of it.

Will we stop paying our taxes and then do jail time? No. But, it's the next best thing. Cut into someone's profit margin and make yourself heard.

This means reorganizing what you see/hear/watch/read. Also, where you go. Do you go someplace because you have to? Or, is it just second nature? If it's not work, why go if it's not helping? Go someplace else? This will mean adjusting to a new system or places. On the other hand, if it's not helping your overall balance, why keep doing it?

As for others and "The Great Tipping Point" where all progressives will gang up on the evil neocons and finally save the world, that's not our responsiblity. Everyone has to deal with the consequences of what they say and do. Our protection comes first. If you don't like something, then do what you reasonably can to create some type of hopefully non-violent change. The truth is, if you don't, you have no right to complain (in our opinion).

Nobody else is going to look out for your positive balance. We're just stating an opinion.

Tomorrow, lots of online protection stuff that the MSM "experts" won't tell you about. So we will.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Content and other Stuff

Taking a break and just listening to our body. triggering stuff is everywhere, and you need to just turn it off. We're also making some changes in the diet as well.

Also coming is new content. Despite dealing with trauma, that doesn't mean we can't have cool content. We'll try and mix it up as much as we can. Feel free to comment or suggest something to add.

Have a nice evening/day.

What's Real and What's Not?

How are your symptoms? Do you still have lucid dreams? Last night we had a horrible one. Someobody was trying to break in and kill us. Also, we were paralyzed (the same as when we were repeatedly raped). We then checked around the apartment and eventually it was ok.

It doesn't matter that it was a lucid dream. The point is that you have to fight back. If you don't, you feel like you're getting raped all over again.
Unfortunately, unless you've been raped, you'll never get it.

How do you know what's real and what's not? Are crowded spaces a problem? How do you cope with hyperawareness? That still happens to us. One thing that helps somewhat is watching clips on the Blackberry. It can run your battery down if you do it a lot. On the other hand, it helps you to focus.

Any other suggestions on how to deal with this?

Monday, January 3, 2011

How's your 2011?

Have a fun holiday break? Much of ours was spent trying to just keep our balance and chilling out. Symptoms are still debilitating (in addition to everything else that's going on). Also, we've had lots of rough disappointments lately.

The key though is that we're not responsible for what others say and do. They have to live with the consequences of this. We on the other hand will continue to protect ourselves. We have every right to maintain boundaries. If they don't work, hang up or just walk away. There's no reason to just sit and be treated like crap.

Hope this helps.

NOTE: Welcome to our new readers in Moscow, Sofia, Chicago, Trinidad and Vancouver, B.C. Link us everywhere you can. Use all of your online tools, but make sure your protection comes first.