Monday, March 30, 2009

How's Your Balance?

How's your Monday? My multiples little kid and I are still meeting as much as possible. And, the mix of nervous system tonic, Vitamin D (and other herbs) are helping a little more at night. We still have dissociating at times and horrible anger. We really have to focus hard at times and we still feel sometimes like we'll snap in two.

The other thing is very sharp intuiton. It's like you're eight steps ahead of everybody else. At times we listened to business news. And it was like, ok. Tell us something we don't know. And it never came up (99% of the time).

But, stay away from triggers. And focus on what you can and need to do instead.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Cover All the Angles

How's your Wednesday? Right now working at home trying to catch up on the online moneymaking content. And staying away from triggers as much as possible. It's LOTS OF EDITING. But you have to protect yourself.

My multiples, little kid and I are still meeting every day. I try to listen as much as I can to them. But also they know that I have stuff that I have to do. So it's multitask as you go.

Is it common for survivors to always have the feeling that you're about 6 steps ahead of everybody else? My intuition is screaming sometimes. And then my percentage for being correct is much higher now. How do you filter out bombarding thoughts, feelings and more if you're in a crowded room?

Thanks in advance for your input.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

More Integration and More Anger

Catching up more on online applications and the web site. There are income streams out there. But it's the old content-and-promotion-with-no-personal-assistant thing.

For trauma survivors, do you ever get past the anger and at times paralyzing fear? Sometimes the fear hits and flashbacks as well. You have to catch yourself for a second and say, no this isn't real. We don't want to disappear in dissociating forever. So what else can you do?

What keeps you in balance? Feel free to post your thoughts here. And thanks for the support.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Fighting Back Really Hard

Another Monday in Bailout World. How much has been paid out in AIG bonuses? Try over $200 million. What's next? We'll see.

Last night, had another rough time with vicious anger. Finally got to sleep around 4 a.m. I'm really trying to stay off caffeine, sugar and to be nice to my body. Still, at times you want to punch out everything in sight.

My multiples and my little kid are getting a lot out, which is good. On the other hand, at times you feel parlayzed. And we think, how come nobody can be bothered to pay attention? But we try not to dwell on it because what's the point????

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fighting to Focus

Making progress in the job hunt. I'm trying to also build up the online income streams as well.

But still dissociating is hard to handle. You stay away from all of the junk. And STILL it hits. As for triggers, I'm still editing everything. And feeling like I want to punch out the walls.

How do you get thru periods like this? Please post your comments.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Dangerous Stuff

Lots of triggers everywhere you look. It's too dangerous to watch TV. Newspapers and online stuff has to be screened.

There's still anger at times from the way lots of people treated us like s**t. And expect us to be superficial and act like life is just great. Instead, we try to just keep a positive balance. Which means no caffeine ESPECIALLY NOW.

Tomorrow I finish my tax stuff. Will I finally get my freaking Bailout check? We'll see.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

We Feel Sad

My multiples and little kid are talking about a lot right now. But we feel sad.

There's a lot of fear at times. How come nobody will listen to us? How come nobody will touch us? We're not bad. We didn't ask to be raped. But NOBODY will EVER touch us or tell us, we're sorry you were raped. Lots of supreficial stuff is ok. But that's going too far and will never happen.

Will anybody ever listen? We've called help lines in the past and were told to f**k off. Lots of people are "abusing our help line for free therapy." And we're sick of it. What then is a "crisis?" Does this mean that again we don't count?

Sometimes we don't know what to do.

Balance is the KeyE

Enjoying my iced tea and staying away from triggers as much as possible. The despair still hits at times. But I'm trying everything I can to cope.

Are you surviving ok? What's up in your world? Feel free to comment.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Is Vitamin D the Answer?

Went shoppinge earlier today and stocked up on Vitamn D. I heard someone talking about it and saying that it can really help balance your seratonin levels. So we'll try it and see how it fits into the rest of the herb mix.

I'm also working on the income streams. There are niches that can be filled. But it's the old content and promotion thing that has to be done as well.

Is there some herb or combination that really helps you out? If so , please post a comment.

Friday, March 13, 2009

It Really Is Friday

How's your Friday? Caught up on some new places to apply for the Day Job. The web site and other revenue streams are still being worked on.

But also, there's the anger that still comes out. At times dissociating happens and you have to fight really hard as well. Last night I was SOOOO tired. But everybody keeps saying you have to get it out in the safest way possible.

As for triggers, I'm avoiding them as much as possible. Which means a lot of quiet space. Then again, you do what you have to.

What keeps you balanced right now? Have you found any new herbs that help as well? Post your comments.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Rough Day With Anger

Coping ok these days? More fighting anger and dissociaiting today. Also talked to the sister about the economy. And for a second I got really pissed off when she said my brother and father were "concerned" about me during this global meltdown.

What does that mean? I'll never talk to the "parents" again because there's no point. My brother will always be a clone of my father. My sister talks to me about borrowing money. After it took her 6 years to pay back $3,000. And, after she and her husband said f**k it, we don't give as s**t how f****d up you are on meds and PTSD. We'll do anything we have to to get your f*****g money. And now SHE'S talking to ME about BORROWING money? How surreal is this?

So for a second I went off on her. Basically, I was pissed off because of the above. And also the fact that NOBODY(aside from my therapist?) gives a shit. The whole world says go freak out in the corner with your weird ass symptoms. But don't EVER do it around me. And don't EVER think that someone will actually touch you and say I'm sorry you were raped. Just be a f*****g man and suck it up. What the f***'s wrong with you?

But I later made it clear that I will NEVER EVER do anything to jeopordize my balance. And if others can't deal with that, that's their problem.

Do you have rough moments like this?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Another Rough Day

How's your anger these days? Had a rough first half. Ended up having to go out to the parking lot again and scream for an hour to get it out. It's like working out and you have to push REALLY HARD to get past that last rep. But what else can I do?

How do you cope with times like that? What helps you to get this out safely? Please pass on your comments.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Market Goes Up. And How About You?

The market was up almost 5% today. A short term rise? We'll see.

How are your symptoms today? At times it's been tough to concentrate. But maybe now I'm getting past the worst withdrawl ones. We still feel like we're going to snap. Last night it was poring rain and we had to drive out to the empty parking lot. Then we screamed for about an hour to fight for balance and not to vanish.

How do you cope with anger like that? What helps you? I've heard some people talk about hypnosis and other tools. But right now, cost is a big problem. So any other comments would be great.

Thanks for the support.

Monday, March 9, 2009

A Lot of Anger

Fighting really hard to keep a balance. Day 5 now of no caffeine and salt. The withdrawl symptoms are really nasty. At times I want to kill everyone who gets in my way. But I refuse to sink down to these asshole's level.

Do you still have symptoms? I had to stop going to therapy for a while (due to money problems). But we can still email without him feeling like I'm ripping him off for "free therapy".

With the economy messed up, mental health is still getting cut. And some help lines are blowing people off because they're "abusing" the line.

What's "abuse"? Who's to decide what degree of dissociating (and other symptoms) qualify as OFFICIALLY being a "crisis"? That's amazing that they try to get away with this.

Back to it.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Trying to Cope

What's going on in Monday (if it is Monday where you are)? Took a break this weekend and stayed away from almost all news. You have to protect yourself all around (especially from triggers).

Day 3 with no caffeine. And salt is another danger sign too. One bag of Doritos is roughly 1600 grams of sodium. My therapist says that after a certain point of abuse, your tolerance is shot. Does this mean salt-free everything? Who knows.

Feel free to comment.

Friday, March 6, 2009

It's Friday. Really?

Did you survive another Market Lots of changes in my blogs and site to try and make as much money as possible. But no worries about this one. There will NEVER be ads on this blog.

No caffeine now for almost 24 hours. For some reason I just can't touch it anymore. Which means lots of water and as little juice as possible. Can't drink booze anymore. What to do????

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Another Tough Day

Had a tough stretch today with anger and dissociating. The frustration is really bad at times. Why does this ALWAYS have to happen? We still at times feel like we're going to snap. Also at times flashbacks hit hard. But we have to fight back. We have no choice.

Thanks for the support. I see that we're getting responses from many areas. We always maintian anonymity here. But also, please pass this URL to everyone it might help. Every little bit helps to raise us on the search engines. No ego trip, but just reaching an audience.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Fighting Really Hard to not Dissociate

Another busy Wednesday. I'm keeping up, but it's hard to not dissociate. Triggers are EVERYWHERE. I can't touch any caffeine right now at all. Anger comes flaring out and it's hard to focus.

Any suggestions on how to cope?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Everything is SOOO expensive

How are you coping in the Global Meltdown? Everything is so expensive. And who keeps getting billions in free bailout money? AIG, Bank of America and others. And, there's NO LIMIT. Will we soon have to have bagfuls of money to buy a loaf of bread? It happens in other countries. So why not here?

Symptoms still happen. But I'm still using my mix of herbs, meditation and more. There's a LOT of homicidal anger. At times you feel like you're going to black out. I'm really trying to stay away from triggers as much as possible. But the despair is really debilitating.

Do you have the same thing? What helps you to not slip into this? Do you ever get past the anger from being raped? Also, how do you cope when it feels like nobody wants to listen to you?

Monday, March 2, 2009

Surviving ok?

Did you make it thru the Big Market Drop today? It was down about 4%. And there's no limit to the bailout. If you print unlimited amounts of cash, the value will go down. When will that point come? Nobody knows. Then again, how can it NOT come?

Really trying hard to stay away from all triggers as much as possible. Just keep a positive balance and moving forward. How are YOU coping?

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Fighting to Keep a Sense of Balance

Just finished lunch and trying to focus. I stay off caffeine as much as possible. But still at times it's REALLY HARD to not dissociate. I listen to my multiples and little kid as much as possible. Sometimes though it's still tough.

How do you handle rough times like this? I really try to stay away from triggers. But it's tough when suddenly one hits you by surprise.