Monday, August 10, 2009

Lots to Talk About

How's your day? Coping with symptoms ok?

With me, triggers are everywhere. We literally can't watch TV, read papers, or read lots of books. If we go anywhere, we always take the I-Pod or the Balckberry to listen to online stuff. Muzak from Hell (in lots of stores) is a really rough trigger. You have to protect yourself.

How do you cope with anger? At times we feel like we're going to snap. Our fight-or-flight mechanism is still stuck at times. Which means you have to focus incredibly hard to fight your way out of dissociating, anger or other stuff.

Sometimes, do you want to go on a rampage and kill all of the sick assholes that treated you like s**t? We know that sinking down to their level doesn't do anything. But the anger still comes out. And you feel like you're going to snap or black out.

We try not to dwell on feeling like the world won't admit that you're there. Despite that, your intuition kicks in and you feel like you see everything that's happening. Do you feel like you're about three steps ahead of everybody else? And you wonder why are you just now finding this out?

The sick twisted flashbacks still happen. Somebody tries to pin you down, they try to go down on you. And nobody's going to help you. My multiples and little kid are still terrified that threats are everywhere. Nobody listens, nobody helps (other than the therapist). Will it always be like this? I don't know.

How do you cope with the terror? One minute you feel halfway ok. Then, you're almost comatose. You're there, but empty. Everything takes an incredible effort. You WILL NEVER be raped again. And you know that you have to fight back to not dissociate.

How do you manage to do this AND everything else without always being wiped out?

NOTE: Thanks for the growing support.

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I don't keep a master database on anybody.
Also, I do everything I have to to protect myself as well.

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