Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Appointments and More Appointments

Another doctors' appointment tomorrow. This time, talk to a gi doctor about my positive cancer test screening result. Is it juts a false positive? Not sure. but the good news is that we've never been diagnosed with cancer. Right now, it's constant exhaustion. I think it's from my PTSD symptoms. But we'll find out more tomorrow.

You have to fight back. Don't dissociate. But it never lets up.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

You have to Fight Back

Fight symptoms. The pain never goes away. We don't want to go back to a psych ward. But what else can you do?

Friday, August 11, 2017

Protect Yourself at All Costs

No sleep at night again. Also, more nightmares. You then wake up and feel like you're THIS CLOSE to going back to a psych ward. Am I insane? Am I weird. No to both.

But you have to fight back. Turn everything off. No TV. Almost nothing online. Screen everything. Is it safe to go outside? Even in crowded places, everything feels like a threat. Everything is a war zone.

I'm not a threat to anybody.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Fight Symptoms

Another night of almost no sleep. Then a dentists appointment. It was a real struggle at times to not hallucinate and have torture flashbacks. Get in my car, and it's flashbacks to car wrecks. Try to keep your p/h balance okay. If not, it makes everything worse.

I did nothing wrong.
We did nothing wrong.
It's not our fault.
Your symptoms are a reflection of your trauma history.

Screen everything and protect yourself.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Struggle to Focus

Don't slip. Don't dissociate. If you let your guard down, you might slip and fall apart. Some people do this and die from it. We have no death wish. We just want to protect ourselves.

Don't fall apart.
Don't dissociate.
Don't let your guard down.
Protect yourself

We don't want to fall apart. For a long time we were fighting to not turn psychotic because of our trauma history. We don't want to go back to that.

Protect yourself.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Los of Pain

Almost no sleep at all last night. It was like you couldn't move. No energy at all. Almost stayed in bed all day to try and get some sense of energy back. No shortness of breath or chest pain. But small things take a huge amount of energy.

Triggering things are everywhere. If you're not careful, it feels like you're in a war zone. What's real and what isn't? We've never had a day free of symptoms. Instead, you have to fight back.

Threats are everywhere. Everything has to be screened.  Protect yourself.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Constant Exhaustion

Fight symptoms and don't dissociate. You can't let your guard down. There's constant exhaustion. We still do other things to try and keep stress down. But the pain is always there. Small things take an enormous amount of energy. You have to fight.

Protect yourself.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Another Day of Fighting Symptoms

Triggering stuff is everywhere. Screen everything. You have to fight back. The pain never stops. On the other hand, we're following the right things in facing our trauma history as best we can.

Small things take an enormous amount of energy. Taking a shower. Walking out the front door. Getting in the car without feeling like the psycho rapist is going to cut your throat and kill you.

You have to fight back.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Fight to Focus

There is no cure for PTSD. Which means like any incurable thing, you do your best to try and cope. But the pain is always there. Pain, symptoms and psychotic episodes.

You're not crazy. You're not strange in any way. You have to fight to protect your well being. What else can you do?

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Fight Symptoms

Fight symptoms. Lack of sleep. If we're lucky, maybe 2 hours a night. Constant exhaustion. But don't slip and binge on salt and sugar.

You have to protect yourself.