Thursday, January 18, 2018

Triggering Stuff is Everywhere

Another day of cold, symptoms and lots of triggering stuff. Unless they stop it, the US government will shutdown at midnight Friday. Why do the politicians do this stupid stuff? Because they like money and power.

You try to be aware and care. But your well being comes first. Because if it doesn't, you can't be effective.

Protect yourself.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Message for the Day

It's not your fault.

Constantly Fighting Symptoms

Nightmares still happen. You then try to wake up, but you're still fighting to not dissociate. Sometimes you have sleep paralysis. You open your eyes, but you can't do anything else. You know your arms and hands are there. But your energy doesn't reach them. You almost have to focus and will your energy to circulate thru so you can move again.

Why does this happen? Why does almost no sleep always happen? Because pain is always there. Just taking more medication will make it worse. Which means focus and try to protect your well being.

We're not doing anything wrong. We can't save the world all by ourselves. But we do our best to protect ourselves.

Stay warm and well.

Monday, January 15, 2018

Triggering Stuff Everywhere

Today's like a bad smog day. Triggering stuff is everywhere you look. Everything has to be screened as you try to protect your well being. Does it feel at times like the quality level (for lack of a better phrase) of everything is going downhill? You can't singlehandedly save the world. But as you stay aware, you're bombarded with symptoms and pain.

Torture flashbacks still happen. No one comes into the room to save you. Nobody produces a rape testing kit. You don't have a death wise. But the pain never goes away.

You can;t let your guard down. If you do, threats are everywhere. It's not a matter of letting the psycho rapists control your life. Just the opposite. You have to face your trauma history head on as best you can. It's not being a "professional patient". Denial will only make things worse.

Other people say and do horrible things. They have to live with the consequences of that. Not us.

We're not strange.
We're not weird.
We're not a freak.
We don't have a death wish.
We're not a threat to anyone.
You have to fight back. You can't just sit back and "go with your feelings".

At times we just curl up and rock back and forth. You just want to feel safe. What happens when almost no one tries to give you a reassuring hug and say I'm sorry you were rapped AND actually mean it? What kind of long term psychological effects does that have on someone?

Protect your well being.

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Protect Yourself

Here in the States, four days till another possible government shutdown. This means that Congress and Trump can't agree on a budget. So the government shuts down, except for "essential personnel". Yes, they're considered essential.

Symptoms and exhaustion are still there. You try and focus, but the pain never goes away.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Is Anybody Paying Attention?

Greetings to all the brave people in Hawaii. Hope you're doing okay now. Now that the nuclear missile attack turned out to be a false alarm. Some emergency defense person pushed the wrong button. Then, it took almost 40 minutes to issue a false alarm. Meanwhile, where was Trump? Playing golf and couldn't be bothered.

This leads to the question, is anybody paying attention? Does anybody care about my well being? Many say they want nothing to do with us or any part of our trauma history. Something that we didn't ask for. But the pain never goes away.

You do the best you can. You do your best to try and protect your well being. The pain is still there. Psychotic episodes still happen. Despite that, we're not crazy. We're not weird, a freak or a danger to anybody in any way.

But the pain is always there.

Don't let your guard down. Don't set yourself up to have a dissociative relapse. Denial lets you escape pain? No. It makes it worse.

You have to fight back. If we have suicidal thoughts, we'll never do that. But it's important to admit that those thoughts are there.

We're not a threat to anybody.

How will terrified and now angry people in Hawaii deal with the PTSD symptoms that will come from the false alarm attack?

Remember, it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Don't hide behind denial. Face your anger, fear and more as best you can. It's scary but it's important to admit that all of that is there.

Stay well.