Thursday, August 25, 2016

A Struggle to Focus

Many things to do today. Also, struggling to focus and not dissociate. Cleaning up our diet helps to a certain degree. On the other hand, not having destructive things to hide behind makes pain worse.

Screen everything. We still have days where we feel like we're being bombarded with too much stimulus. It's not our job to save the world. Be aware and care. But your well being comes first.

You scream and fight to not black out. In small spaces you fight to kill the psycho attacker that wants you dead. You can't sit back and do nothing. You have to fight.

There's never a break. Because you have to protect yourself.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Bombarded All Day

Pain all day. Exhaustion and fighting symptoms. Don't black out. Protect yourself. Don't dissociate.

You want to feel safe. But the pain never goes away.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Don't Dissociate

Exhaustion and fighting to not dissociate. Protect yourself at all costs. By the end of the day,you  can barely do anything.

But what choice do you have?

Monday, August 22, 2016

Pain and Exhaustion

Had another slip yesterday with dissociating. You feel like you don't know where you are. Then, you have to fight your way back to some sense of being grounded. You feel exhausted and bombarded with pain. But you have to keep fighting to not fall apart.

Screen everything and protect yourself.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Exhaustion

You try to wake up. But you struggle to do that and not dissociate. Since I got raped,  only once have I been able to do that. The rest of the time, it's a constant battle to not feel assaulted by noise and pain 24 hours a day.

No news today. No violently triggering stuff. Instead, try to protect yourself.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Small Things

You try to get thru your day. But it takes an enormous amount of energy to do the smallest things. Trying to wake up and not disssociate. Take a shower. Fix lunch. By the end of the day, you can barely move. But you don't have a choice.

You have to fight back. You have to try to keep some sense of being grounded.

Friday, August 19, 2016

Fighting to Not Black Out

Despair, anger, frustration and abandonment. You fight to try and keep some sense of being grounded. But everywhere you look, it's triggering stuff.

Despite that, you have to protect yourself.