Thursday, December 8, 2016

Fight Symptoms

Another doctor appointment, and my blood clotting factor is doing ok. I still have to take 8 meds a day. But my cardiologist likes the fact that I'm using holistic things in my health (as well as the traditional).

Symptoms are still there. You feel at times like you're going to snap in two. But you do your best to try and keep some sense of being grounded.

Protect yourself.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Almost No Sleep

Fight symptoms all day long. Then at night, you get almost no sleep at all. But you have to protect yourself. Sitting back and doing nothing doesn't work.

If we have chest pain, is it a blood clot? Or, something else?

We'll fin out more Thursday at the next doctor's appointment.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Bombarded with Pain

Another day of fighting symptoms and exhaustion. At times, psychosis symptoms still happen. Hallucinations, hearing voices, fighting monsters from attacking you and more. I'm not crazy. We're not insane. We're not a threat to anybody. We just want to feel safe.

A constant battle to not dissociate and fall apart. We don't want to have no idea of where we are. But you struggle with feeling abandoned and not knowing at times what to do.

Protect yourself.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Fight to Not Dissociate

Another day of fighting symptoms. A constant struggle to not dissociate. Don't relapse and fall apart. It will only make pain worse.

Can't watch TV without the sound being turned down. Too triggering these days. You have to screen everything.

You have to protect youself at all costs.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Another Doctor Appointment

Went to see the cardiologist and his assistant today. Some medication changes and then another heart test in 2 months. After that, we talk about all options.

The good news is so far I don't have to have a pacemaker or any other surgery. On the other hand, my appetite continues to go down. That's one common side effect of the various meds I'm on. It's still really frustrating when you feel like you can barely drink any liquids or eat tiny meals.

PTSD symptoms are still there. I still have psychotic episodes at times. Despite all this, I know I'm not insane. I'm not a danger to anybody. Your symptoms are a reflection of the severity of your trauma history.

Protect yourself.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Fight to Stay Grounded

Lots of body pain and flashbacks. Also psychotic symptoms too. But despite that, I'm not crazy. I'm not a danger to  anybody.

You struggle to not turn into some burned out angry monster because of horrible treatment by others. However, they have to live with the consequences of their actions.

Protect yourself.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Fight to Not Dissociate

Lots of triggering stuff everywhere. Always exhausted fighting to not black out or violently dissociate. But it's not my fault.