Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Don' Let Your Guard Down

Another day of fighting symptoms. But also, fighting to not let your guard down. It's like any addict. If you're not careful, you can have a relapse. Do we really want to have a dissociative relapse? Then you have no idea of where you are. You have to fight your way back to having some sense of being grounded. This also means massive stress on your system.

Do we really want that?
Do we really want pain?
Denial will make things worse.
Don't dissociate.
Don't do it.
Do something else. Anything to not fall into that trap.

It's like all of our trauma pain is flooding out all at once. You have to fight back.

You don't have a choice. You have to protect yourself.

Don't fall apart.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Fight to Focus

Another night of almost no sleep. Then when you try to fall asleep, you have sleep paralysis. You're awake, but that's it. You literally can't move any part of your body. You can't open your mouth or eyes. It's like your entire nervous system is completely scrambled. Then you have to focus really hard to almost shock your system back into balance. This is just another sign that your trauma pain never goes away.

Now, don't let your guard down. Don't violently dissociate and black out. You have to fight back to protect your well being.

Because you have to.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Flashbacks and More

Do you still have flashbacks? Lately they've there. Sometimes torture flashbacks as well. Nobody bursts into the room to save you. The pain never goes away.

But you have to fight back. Do you still want to kill your torturers?

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Pain is Always There

Fight symptoms and dropping your guard. Do we really want to destroy our sobriety? No.

You have to fight back. The pain is always there. But you have no choice.

Protect yourself.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Trying to Keep Some Sense of Being Grounded

Some days are high smog alert days. Triggering stuff is everywhere you look. This means you have to constantly screen everything to try and protect yourself. You have an addictive personality? You feel like you can't let your guard down without falling apart.

You try to get some sleep at night. But almost never do. Nightmares still happen. usually with no set pattern. The only common thread thru them when they do happen is it's like your worst fears hit you all at once. You have to fight back or you'll just fall apart.

Symptoms never go away. The pain never goes away. You feel like all the pain of your trauma history is flooding out all at one. Denial will just make it worse.

So you do the best you can to fight and try to keep some sense of being grounded. Many times though you feel paralyzed because lots of people who say they're concerned about us were never there.

Denial, abandonment and pain never go away. But you don't want to hurt yourself or anybody else. You try to cope as best you can.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Monday, January 29, 2018

Pain and Symptoms

You have to fight back. You can't just sit back and do nothing. Don't dissociate. Don't let your guard down. This means taking lots of breaks as you try to go along.

Because you have to.