Thursday, July 20, 2017

Trying for Some Peace and Quiet

Had to go out for a while. Now, it's back at home and trying to screen everything. No TV, no Trump garbage. Instead, some peace and quiet and trying to feel safe.

Lots of tea and trying to stay away from salt and sugar. Both played roles (and still do)  in my heart disease. Your system can only take so much abuse before it gives out. Despite that, the extreme ups and downs still happen. One minute you feel like you have some sense of clarity. Then, you're one step away from hurting yourself.

Triggering things can come from the tiniest things. A color, a sight, a sound. A face that reminds you of others. Also, flashbacks to torture and daily non stop abuse. You can't control what horrible people say and do. But they do have to live with the consequences of their actions.

You have to fight back. You can't just sit and do nothing. Just going with the flow doesn't work. You try to cope as best you can.

But the pain never goes away.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Struggle with Symptoms

Happy birthday to us. A struggle to deal with symptoms and no energy at all. By the middle of the day, it was just go home and go to bed.

You have to protect yourself.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Anger and Abandonment

Another day of struggling with symptoms. Anger and frustration are tough to face, as best you can. But denial just makes things worse. Face your trauma history head on, unless it endangers you in some way.

No matter what, it's not our fault. Protect yourself.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Protect Yourself

A long day with dealing with symptoms. Went to an early birthday lunch with some family. While I appreciated the gesture, I'd like to have time for me. You try and focus as you're being bombarded with pain. You try and focus so you won't dissociate.

Keep your diet balanced, and see if it helps to deal with symptoms. It's still exhausting as you deal with  anger, frustration, and trying not to attack people. You have to fight.

Pain is always there. You fight to focus and not dissociate. You just want to have a moment of clarity. But the battle never stops.

Protect yourself.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

A Constant Battle with Symptoms

Another day of fighting symptoms and dissociating. Our tolerance for an acidic diet is gone. Avoid salt and sugar as much as possible. Also salt, which is another stimulant.

Burnout never goes away. But you do your best to protect yourself.

More appointments coming up.

Monday, July 10, 2017

More Pain

Symptoms and pain are still there. Especially arthritic pain. No luck yet in trying to get second opinions on possible exploratory heart surgery or from a rheumatologist. We'll see what happens.

Set boundaries as best you can. Protect yourself.