Thursday, April 27, 2017

Fight All Day Long

You don't have a choice. You have to fight to keep some sense of being grounded. You don't want to turn into a burned out, angry monster because of your trauma history. The full reality of my history is hitting now.

Protect yourself.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Another Appointment

How's your part of the world? Another long day of fighting symptoms and to not black out from dissociating.     Had another doctor's appointment. My blood clotting factor is looking good. Despite that, constant exhaustion and pain are always there. Arthritis, circulation pain and more.

On the other hand, I'm not hiding behind destructive stuff that I used to do. Which means everything's flooding out.

No TV today. Can't handle commercials and how everything is corporate. Everybody looks the same, sounds the same and thinks they're funny when they're not. Also, they could care less what you the audience thinks.

How are you dealing with your trauma history? Here it feels like the full horror of mine is hitting me. As scary as it can be, that's a good sign.

Triggers are everywhere. You sit waiting for your appointment, and you can hear a little kid crying across the hall. Instantly you're screaming in pain as you're being raped and nobody bursts into the room to help you. If you're not careful, the slightest trigger could kill you. We have no desire to kill ourselves. But you have to keep that in mind.

Can we stop all of the pain in the world singlehandedly? No. But awareness and trying to do something is okay.

Protect yourself.


Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Exhaustion

Pain and constantly fighting symptoms. Tomorrow, another appointment. You have to fight back. You don't have a choice.

Protect yourself.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Exhaustion

Fighting symptoms and to not set ourselves up to dissociate. By the end of the day, we're totally wiped out.

You just want to feel safe.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Long Day

Fight symptoms all day long. Now, time to stretch out and focus on how you feel. You can't just sit back and do nothing.

Protect yourself.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Symptoms and Pain

Everything's connected. Lots of pain as you fight symptoms. If it doesn't come out in one way, it will come out in others. Autoimmune pain, rashes; lots of things can happen. We're really trying to pay attention to how we feel.

Protect yourself.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Fight symptoms all day long. Pain and exhaustion. But you can't just do nothing. Protect yourself.