Saturday, June 24, 2017

Bombarded with Pain

Burnout never goes away. Pain is always there. But you have to fight back to have some sense of balance. You have to protect your well being.

Can you save the world all by yourself? No. But awareness and caring are always there. Just be selective in where you fight your battles.

How do you cope with your burnout?

Friday, June 23, 2017

Pain Never Goes Away

Another day of fighting symptoms and pain. You open your eyes in the morning and try to sit up and then stand up. You feel beat up and intense arthritic pain. Breathe deeply, try to focus and then stand up. If you can stand up, walking and trying to move is painful.

You fix breakfast and try to sit down. Any movement feels painful. Then stretch out and try to focus on the TV with the sound turned down. then you try focus and have some sense of energy to be able to go out. Take a shower and stretch to stimulate chi throughout your spine. But exhaustion is always there.

You can go out. But you always have to have an escape plan to protect yourself. Dissociating and other symptoms are always there. Will somebody try to attack and kill us in this crowded place? On bad days you have to focus to try and get in and out without attacking anybody.

Pain and abandonment are always there. You don't want to hurt yourself or anybody else. You have to fight to focus and hold onto some sense of balance. You have to focus and not feel like you're falling off a cliff and will disappear and die.

You can never let your guard down. You always have to fight back.

Protect yourself.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Fighting for Treatment

Another day of fighting burnout and other symptoms. Also, "Trump Care". For any readers who don't know what that is, it's the Republicans sick and twisted idea of health care. The rest of the civilized world has single payer health care. But in the States, it's profit that matters. "Trump Care" is just a massive tax cut for the ultra wealthy. This bill will end health coverage for 26 million people. Many will die. This is called murder. But in Washington DC politics, this is acceptable.

Why? Because there's an idea there of "looking forward and not backward". This means if someone commits a crime, don't prosecute them because that would be too divisive. Instead, just look ahead to tomorrow. If this becomes law, this will severely hurt me being able to get access to the treatment that I need.

Denial used to be a problem. Now I can admit that I'm a rape survivor. I can admit that it's not my fault. But the pain never goes away. On bad days you're one step short of killing yourself. I would  never do that. But it's important to admit that those thoughts are there.

Is "Trump Care" one way for the rich to kill the poor? Yes it is.

Protect yourself.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Trying to Focus

A long day of fighting symptoms. Pain and despair never go away. We work out as a way to deal with adrenalin surges and heart disease. But the symptoms are still there.

Stay away from stimulants as best you can. They just make things way worse. But what else can you do?

Monday, June 19, 2017

Don't Let Your Guard Dwn

Another day of fighting symptoms, exhaustion and more. As best you can, don't put yourself in a situation where you might let your guard down and then dissociate and vanish. That doesn't relieve pain. It makes it worse. You have to fight back.

You have to protect yourself. At times pain is everywhere, Arthritic pain. Circulation pain. Body memory pain. But you have to face it head on as best you can. As long as it doesn't endanger you in some way.

Protect your well being.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Fight to Have A Sense of Balance

Another day of fighting symptoms. Pain is always there. Don't let your guard down so you'd have a slip and dissociate. It doesn't help to escape pain. It just makes things worse.

Abandonment never goes away. You try to reassure yourself (and my multiples and little kid) that we did nothing wrong. If other do and say horrible stuff, that's their choice. They then have to live with the consequences.

You just try to protect your well being.