Some days are high smog alert days. Triggering stuff is everywhere you look. This means you have to constantly screen everything to try and protect yourself. You have an addictive personality? You feel like you can't let your guard down without falling apart.
You try to get some sleep at night. But almost never do. Nightmares still happen. usually with no set pattern. The only common thread thru them when they do happen is it's like your worst fears hit you all at once. You have to fight back or you'll just fall apart.
Symptoms never go away. The pain never goes away. You feel like all the pain of your trauma history is flooding out all at one. Denial will just make it worse.
So you do the best you can to fight and try to keep some sense of being grounded. Many times though you feel paralyzed because lots of people who say they're concerned about us were never there.
Denial, abandonment and pain never go away. But you don't want to hurt yourself or anybody else. You try to cope as best you can.