Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Fighting Symptoms

Another day of fighting symptoms. Clean up a lot on the laptop to protect yourself. How many paid trolls are online? Be proactive instead of passive in a good way.

Also, protect yourself.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Fighting for Some Stability

More of fighting symptoms and trying to not get caught in a what's-the-point-of-continuing loop of thinking. You have to protect your well being as best you can. Some days I have no TV and no noise. Just peace an quiet. I want to feel safe in my own home.

I can admit I'm a rape survivor. I know it wasn't my fault. But the symptoms are still there. By the end of the day what else can you do?

Protect yourself.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Recognize the Signs

Individually, I can't kick Trump out of the White House. But I can point out that mentally ill people do not belong in that job. Trump believes that torture works. You might say, well at least he doesn't have that ridiculous bullshit hang up about saying "enhanced interrogation techniques" instead of torture. That being said, keep these in mind:

Torture never works.
You will say and do ANYTHING to make it stop.
I know from first hand experience. I was tortured by 3 psycho pedophiles.
There is no cure for PTSD.
Some torture survivors end up having psychotic breaks because of it.
Anyone who thinks torture is good is mentally ill.

The corporate press won't say Trump is mentally ill because they're scared to death of him. If I criticize him, he'll get me fired. Even if I'm telling the truth (he's a habitual liar, racist, mentally ill and more), that doesn't matter. The tiniest criticism of him must be instantly crushed. Every person in the media is the enemy. We must destroy them at all costs.

Now, what are other world leaders saying about Trump? Are they scared? Are they laughing hysterically? What kind of psychological profile files do foreign intelligence services (MI6, Mossad, CSIS, ASIS and others) have on Trump?

I can't save the world from Trump single handedly. But I can be aware and do what I can while protecting my well being. If I didn't, how could you live with yourself?

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Pay Attention to Tiny Things

Another doctor's appointment. We talked some about body memory, an how I feel that it's flooding out. Tomorrow, a physical therapist for more of the same. It feels like it's body memory and pain. But also, my awareness of that and balance is sharper. Chips (crisps to the rest of the world) and salsa every night? No thanks. Too acidic. I'm really trying to pay attention to p/h balance.

Protect yourself.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Pain and Symptoms

Fighting symptoms and body pain that hits at all times. What else hits all the time? Body memory. You just want to keep some sense of being grounded.

Protect yourself.

Monday, January 23, 2017


Fighting symptoms and trying to keep some sense of being grounded. But lately there have been big mood swings. A normal part of healing from your trauma. But still rough to deal with.

You just want to protect yourself.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Protect Yourself

How many days now? It's Day 2 of Trump World, and you don't have a choice. Everything that Trump says is a lie. The tiniest thing that makes him look less than 100% perfect at all times must in his view be instantly crushed. Anything he says is the truth. No matter how bizarre.

This is one of many signs of a dictator. I know for a long time we tried to keep this blog only about healing from trauma. But now that's expanded. We don't have a choice.

Our suggestions? The days of blindly trusting everything you see on TV or read in the paper are long gone. Do your homework and question everything.

Symptoms are still there. Also, lately painful flashbacks. But I know we're doing the right things to protect ourselves. You can't just sit back and do nothing.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Painful Days

Did you survive Trump's Inauguration Day okay? At the critical moment, I turned away from the TV. Now, it's protect yourself as best you can.

Also, fighting symptoms as well. You can't just sit back and do nothing. If others choose to be horrible in what they say and do, they deal with the consequences.

Protect yourself.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Loans, the ACA and More

Two days to go till the end? That's how many are seeing it. Aside from actually seeing Trump in the White House, just saying or the thought of he's ACTUALLY there is scary.

One key part of this? Despite all of the starting talk of I want health care for everyone, actually, Trump doesn't. As President, he will have 24/7 access to the BEST HEALTH CARE in the world. As for the public? You're not allowed to have that. We can't have "socialism". In 2017, that's a silly, boring and stupid attempt at an insult. For all of our intl. audience. The U.S. is the ONLY civilized (maybe that's debateable) country IN THE WORLD  with NO national health care. When you see this, how do you react? Are you sad? Are you angry? Are you laughing hysterically? Are  you saying thank God I don't have to take out extra health coverage if I go to the States?

None of these "geniuses" debating this issue seem to understand a basic point. The mere fact that you know that you don't have (or aren't "qualified"/allowed) to have health coverage is extremely stressful. Which in turn will make you sick, or possibly kill you. But that doesn't matter. There is no national health emergency. All that matters is corporate money and power. Corporations use it to control politicians and the media. Everybody makes millions. Outside the US, how many countries have TV networks where 98% of the ads are for drugs? The US drug industry is a TRILLION dollar a year industry. How many doctors are afraid to piss off drug company salespeople and possibly get fired? I see them all the time.

Had another dental appointment today. Had an exam and will need a lot of expensive treatment. Only a tiny part of it is covered by my health coverage. Which meant negotiating for 2 hours with the office manager to have them help me apply for a small loan to help pay for it. Basically, the deal is flexible and I got the most protection I could to do this. So I will be able to get all the treatment I need. Note: many people in the U.S. have to pay for dental treatment on installment plans. Because it's so expensive.

Do you have to do that where you live?

Monday, January 16, 2017

More Pain

No sleep at all last night. Then, more cramps. Are they just muscle cramps, or blood clots? Then, chest pain.  Thank God tomorrow doctors offices and my health group will be open.

You just want to feel safe.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Lots of Pain

Lots of pain today. Dental pain. Body memory. You think you have some sense of being grounded. But then it feels like everything that feels normal is gone. You HAVE to fight back to regain that grounding.

You just want to feel safe.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Pain and Some Grounding

A rough start today as you're bombarded with pain. You scream and try to get the pain and anger out without blacking out. You don't have a choice. You have to get it out. Then, you try to go thru your day without blacking out.

Later, you start to have more of a sense of being grounded. The symptoms are still there. Body memory and other pain is still there. But you know you're doing the right things. Just taking more meds will only be a band aid. It won't get to the source of the problems. Same thing with acupuncture and reiki. Both can be helpful. But they're band aids.

You just want to feel safe. But you have to fight to not fall apart.

Protect yourself.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

ACA and More

Fighting symptoms and body memory. You don't do or eat something that would cause an allergic reaction. Yet rashes and bruises happen. Everything is connected.

The battle to destroy Obamacare, Medicaid, Medicare and Social Security continues. Ideally, that's what the Republicans want. Destroying the Affordable Care Act would literally kill 10 percent of the population (roughly 30 million people). From Trump on down, they literally don't care. The US Senate will be up all night, voting on literally hundreds of items connected to the ACA. So far, nothing's being passed. All blocked along party lines.

It really is a battle for money and power.

Monday, January 9, 2017

More Pain

Trying to keep some sense of being grounded. You have to do something. You can't just sit back and do nothing. Protect yourself.

As for Trump, do what you can to make things better. That way, you keep your self respect.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

There Is No Cure

A lot of people debate about having PTSD. Is it a mental illness? is It a disability? I look at it like it's a health problem. I have other health problems as well:

chronic heart disease
permanent scarring of the liver
severe adrenal burnout
and more

I try as best I can to deal with these and to protect my well being. Health being both physical and mental. Not two seperate things.

You just want to feel safe, an not always under attack.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Daily Pain

Another day of pain. I'm really trying to stick to the idea that everything is connected. Long term untreated severe stress can make you susceptible to a wide range of diseases. I can leave my house, but my chi flow is always down. It's like you're constantly being bombarded with pain flooding out. I think much of it is undealt with trauma pain.

We're just trying to protect our well being. Like anyone, you just want to feel safe.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Lots of Pain

You can barely get any sleep at all at night. Then, when you wake up, you're in incredible pain in your lower back. I have trouble standing up and trying to focus my chi so I can at least move and shift my weight. I try to eat some breakfast, and just sitting is painful. Then I take a shower and do stretching with hot water spraying over my spine. This helps to increase chi flow so then you feel like you can actually move more. You exercise and try to strengthen your core. But the pain is still there.

My GP says I have arthritis in my right knee. What's causing the lower back, hip and leg pain? I think it's my backed up trauma pain flooding out. Add to that circulation pain, my PTSD symptoms and heart problems.

But despite all of that, I did nothing wrong. I'm a rape survivor who has lots of health problems that I feel are interconnected. I'm just trying to protect our well being. We can't singlehandedly stop Trump. But you do your best to protect your well being.

Flashbacks happen and painful dissociating. Stimulants make dissociating worse. So we try to stay away from those as much as possible.

Coming up. More tests and appointments. We just want to feel safe.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Protect Yourself

The silly "debate" about destroying the Affordable Care Act continues. In the rest of the world, health care is a human right. Here, it's about literally a war over money and power (both corporate and personal).

One important thing that all health care people should remember. Patients are not just case files that you rack and stack for maximum profit. If you don't pay attention to their concerns, that in my view is irresponsible. You just don't treat people like that. If in business you listen to the customers concerns, why can't you do the same in health? Or is it just cut throat and purely about profit?

Protect yourself.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Lots of Pain

Another day of fighting symptoms and circulation pain. In the past 9 months, I've had at least 4 severe cramps. Are these because of the trauma stress which depletes my body's nutrients? Or, are these blood clots? So far, no doctor has said clots. Now, tomorrow I'll tell my next doctor and see what they say.

For our international audience, the battle over ending the ACA (Affordable Care Act) continues. This means that if it passes and is signed by President Trump, 30 million (roughly 30 per cent) of the US population will have NO health coverage. This will endanger the health, safety and well being of the public. This is also an impeachable offense for politicians. Nw, how far would the Democrats get in a mass impeachment process? I don't know.

Instead of having single payer like the rest of the world, it's back to the usual cut throat money and power games that politicians love to have. Do all politicians love money and power? If they're honest, yes they do. Even people like Jeremy Corbyn in the UK. He just uses these things in a decent and rational way to actually try to make society better. Yet, even in there, people are scared to death of the SOCIALIST label. We just can't have that. Instead, the Labour Party is convinced that Tory Lite is the proper way to go. Also, let's bring back Tony Blair. Doesn't matter that he's despised by millions and should be tried as a war criminal. Apparently, Theresa May has the same policy as Obama does. We just don't prosecute former leaders because, well that's just FAR TOO devisive. We need to just form a circle, join hands, dance and look forward to a exciting new day.

Now, tell that to the victims of these war crimes, their families and friends.

Protect yourself.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Protect Yourself

Fighting symptoms all day long. Also, occasional psychosis symptoms as well. Examples. Thinking someone's trying to break in and kill us. Feeling like we're possessed and a monster's going to destroy us. It's like fighting pain all day long.

But the fact that I know they're there, they're not real and that they bother me is a scary but good sign. If I didn't care, then I'd be a total sociopath. Which I'm not.

We just want to feel safe. When was the last time we actually got some sleep at night? Can't remember.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

The New Year

Happy 2017. Hope your part of the world is starting off okay. Here it's been fighting symptoms and the medical system. I had two tests done, and it's a struggle to get correct information. Do you have the right test results? No, you have the wrong one. People are calling me and then mention tests. But they don't say which one. So this means first go see my cardiologist. then possible have a another cancer screening test.

At times it's just lots of pain. I know I did nothing wrong. But you feel like there's no escape. You just want to keep some sense of being grounded. You just want to protect yourself.

I haven't had a dissociative relapse in almost a month. I don't want to literally disappear and not care. You have to protect yourself.

You just want to feel safe.