tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47372892788188680282024-02-19T07:53:04.833-08:00The Global PTSD Survival BlogAll trauma survivors have one thing in common. They ask, what about me? How come nobody wants to listen to my pain? Why other won't listen, I don't know. But here, you can be heard.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.comBlogger1842125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-51519560867880225862018-02-06T17:29:00.001-08:002018-02-06T17:29:29.318-08:00Don' Let Your Guard DownAnother day of fighting symptoms. But also, fighting to not let your guard down. It's like any addict. If you're not careful, you can have a relapse. Do we really want to have a dissociative relapse? Then you have no idea of where you are. You have to fight your way back to having some sense of being grounded. This also means massive stress on your system.<br />
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Do we really want that?<br />
Do we really want pain?<br />
Denial will make things worse.<br />
Don't dissociate.<br />
Don't do it.<br />
Do something else. Anything to not fall into that trap.<br />
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It's like all of our trauma pain is flooding out all at once. You have to fight back.<br />
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You don't have a choice. You have to protect yourself.<br />
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Don't fall apart.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-76294650435861756912018-02-05T12:25:00.003-08:002018-02-05T12:25:49.139-08:00Fight to FocusAnother night of almost no sleep. Then when you try to fall asleep, you have sleep paralysis. You're awake, but that's it. You literally can't move any part of your body. You can't open your mouth or eyes. It's like your entire nervous system is completely scrambled. Then you have to focus really hard to almost shock your system back into balance. This is just another sign that your trauma pain never goes away.<br />
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Now, don't let your guard down. Don't violently dissociate and black out. You have to fight back to protect your well being.<br />
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Because you have to.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-34704185579975771152018-02-04T18:03:00.001-08:002018-02-04T18:03:15.147-08:00Flashbacks and MoreDo you still have flashbacks? Lately they've there. Sometimes torture flashbacks as well. Nobody bursts into the room to save you. The pain never goes away.<br />
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But you have to fight back. Do you still want to kill your torturers?soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-68872991883996557802018-02-03T13:53:00.001-08:002018-02-03T13:53:25.886-08:00Pain is Always ThereFight symptoms and dropping your guard. Do we really want to destroy our sobriety? No.<br />
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You have to fight back. The pain is always there. But you have no choice.<br />
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Protect yourself.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-12077953949305379372018-02-01T19:58:00.001-08:002018-02-01T19:59:51.491-08:00Trying to Keep Some Sense of Being GroundedSome days are high smog alert days. Triggering stuff is everywhere you look. This means you have to constantly screen everything to try and protect yourself. You have an addictive personality? You feel like you can't let your guard down without falling apart.<br />
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You try to get some sleep at night. But almost never do. Nightmares still happen. usually with no set pattern. The only common thread thru them when they do happen is it's like your worst fears hit you all at once. You have to fight back or you'll just fall apart.<br />
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Symptoms never go away. The pain never goes away. You feel like all the pain of your trauma history is flooding out all at one. Denial will just make it worse.<br />
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So you do the best you can to fight and try to keep some sense of being grounded. Many times though you feel paralyzed because lots of people who say they're concerned about us were never there.<br />
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Denial, abandonment and pain never go away. But you don't want to hurt yourself or anybody else. You try to cope as best you can.<br />
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<br />soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-24080084366560524302018-01-30T17:24:00.000-08:002018-01-30T17:24:03.279-08:00Fight to FocusDon't dissociate. Protect you well being as best you can.<br />
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Fight, fight, fight.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-28116784034130784862018-01-29T18:00:00.002-08:002018-01-29T18:00:44.455-08:00Pain and SymptomsYou have to fight back. You can't just sit back and do nothing. Don't dissociate. Don't let your guard down. This means taking lots of breaks as you try to go along.<br />
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Because you have to.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-51925102977212461292018-01-28T15:21:00.000-08:002018-01-28T15:21:56.416-08:00Symptoms and ExhaustionAlmost no sleep at all. You wake up and then ask, are we awake or dissociating? If we can't go back to sleep, then it's drink some tea and try to lie down and focus on rest. When was the last time we got a good night sleep? We can't remember.<br />
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Our tolerance for stimulants is gone. Salt, sugar, caffeine (even in small amounts) don't really help. That's one common problem of trauma survivors. Constant burnout. If you're not careful, it's a vicious cycle. You have to try and protect yourself as best you can.<br />
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Do we have an addictive personality? I've beaten seven to get to this point. But the pain never goes away.<br />
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Health is both physical and emotional. But also, just adding more medication doesn't help. UNLESS you absolutely have to take it.<br />
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You have to face your trauma history as best you can. As long as it doesn't hurt you in some way.<br />
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You have to fight really hard all the time to not dissociate. It never stops.<br />
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Protect yourself.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-2052148952968603492018-01-27T16:38:00.004-08:002018-01-27T16:38:48.562-08:00You Have to Fight BackEverywhere you look, it's triggering stuff. Sometimes we have days with almost no noise. Why? Because you just want to feel safe. In our own home. But when you go out, you always have to have an escape plan.<br />
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Our well being comes first. You can't take on your pain and the pain of the world all at the same time.<br />
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Protect yourself.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-84824113567989599862018-01-26T18:31:00.003-08:002018-01-26T18:31:50.174-08:00Don't DissociateFight symptoms and don't dissociate and black out. Our appetite has gone down some more. Now at times small meals are a struggle. Also, scream as you fight to not black out from pain.<br />
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Protect yourself.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-53212293389103015602018-01-24T18:43:00.000-08:002018-01-24T18:43:10.192-08:00Symptoms and ExhaustionFight symptoms and constant exhaustion. Pay attention to tiny things in how you feel. We can do things in spurts. Then, sit and rest.<br />
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Our appetite has gone down some more. But we're not skipping meals. It's just how do you not inadvertantly starve yourself?<br />
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Protect yourself.<br />
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<br />soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-28013130647399263512018-01-23T12:21:00.001-08:002018-01-23T12:21:24.010-08:00You Have to Fight BackAnother day of fighting symptoms. But you have to fight back. You can't just sit back and do nothing. You have to protect your well being.<br />
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Just sit and focus on feeling safe in your own home.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-6156026037159866972018-01-22T19:03:00.002-08:002018-01-22T19:03:51.806-08:00A MixThe good news? The government shutdown ended. The bad news? There's still no annual budget. When was the last one? About 15 years ago.<br />
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A long day of fighting symptoms and relapses for salt and sugar. But you try and cope as best you can.<br />
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Set boundaries and protect your well being.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-31402640912019466442018-01-21T17:01:00.002-08:002018-01-21T17:01:44.718-08:00A Long DayFighting symptoms and exhaustion. But you have to. Don't let your guard down so you'll relapse. You have to protect yourself.<br />
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Stay well.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-42257628156406224652018-01-20T21:06:00.000-08:002018-01-20T21:06:53.577-08:00Set BoundariesAs best you can, protect yourself. Set boundaries as you try to face your history head on. Because you have to.<br />
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Nightmares have come back. Also, almost no sleep. Despite that, more medication will make things worse. You try and cope as best you can.<br />
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Stay well.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-52784762429605896732018-01-19T18:42:00.000-08:002018-01-19T18:42:22.993-08:00It's Going to HappenAs we post this, 2 1/2 hours before the govt. shutdown. Millions of people will be hurt by this. The politicians on the other hand won't. Almost all are millionaires who have the best job perks and health care that money can buy. Because they're rich and powerful, that's why.<br />
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As for the rest of us, a long day of fighting symptoms and exhaustion. We're trying really hard not to have a relapse and then lots of salt and sugar in the diet. That's a common problem that trauma survivors have. You always feel burned out. On the other hand, we don't want to be taking lots of meds every day and then constantly drugged out. That just makes things worse.<br />
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Protect yourself.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-33479183849457219652018-01-18T17:15:00.000-08:002018-01-18T17:15:06.081-08:00Triggering Stuff is EverywhereAnother day of cold, symptoms and lots of triggering stuff. Unless they stop it, the US government will shutdown at midnight Friday. Why do the politicians do this stupid stuff? Because they like money and power.<br />
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You try to be aware and care. But your well being comes first. Because if it doesn't, you can't be effective.<br />
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Protect yourself.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-32105604489408746052018-01-17T21:37:00.002-08:002018-01-17T21:37:49.126-08:00Symptoms and ExhaustionFighting symptoms and constant exhaustion. But what else can you do?soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-37062839033428992902018-01-16T21:04:00.001-08:002018-01-16T21:04:41.280-08:00Message for the DayIt's not your fault.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-24384524305538086802018-01-16T21:03:00.002-08:002018-01-16T21:03:37.574-08:00Constantly Fighting SymptomsNightmares still happen. You then try to wake up, but you're still fighting to not dissociate. Sometimes you have sleep paralysis. You open your eyes, but you can't do anything else. You know your arms and hands are there. But your energy doesn't reach them. You almost have to focus and will your energy to circulate thru so you can move again.<br />
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Why does this happen? Why does almost no sleep always happen? Because pain is always there. Just taking more medication will make it worse. Which means focus and try to protect your well being.<br />
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We're not doing anything wrong. We can't save the world all by ourselves. But we do our best to protect ourselves.<br />
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Stay warm and well.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-15694994980067563502018-01-15T13:26:00.001-08:002018-01-15T13:27:43.359-08:00Triggering Stuff EverywhereToday's like a bad smog day. Triggering stuff is everywhere you look. Everything has to be screened as you try to protect your well being. Does it feel at times like the quality level (for lack of a better phrase) of everything is going downhill? You can't singlehandedly save the world. But as you stay aware, you're bombarded with symptoms and pain.<br />
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Torture flashbacks still happen. No one comes into the room to save you. Nobody produces a rape testing kit. You don't have a death wise. But the pain never goes away.<br />
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You can;t let your guard down. If you do, threats are everywhere. It's not a matter of letting the psycho rapists control your life. Just the opposite. You have to face your trauma history head on as best you can. It's not being a "professional patient". Denial will only make things worse.<br />
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Other people say and do horrible things. They have to live with the consequences of that. Not us.<br />
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We're not strange.<br />
We're not weird.<br />
We're not a freak.<br />
We don't have a death wish.<br />
We're not a threat to anyone.<br />
You have to fight back. You can't just sit back and "go with your feelings".<br />
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At times we just curl up and rock back and forth. You just want to feel safe. What happens when almost no one tries to give you a reassuring hug and say I'm sorry you were rapped AND actually mean it? What kind of long term psychological effects does that have on someone?<br />
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Protect your well being.<br />
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<br />soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-87137200874030934372018-01-14T19:25:00.002-08:002018-01-14T19:25:28.595-08:00Protect YourselfHere in the States, four days till another possible government shutdown. This means that Congress and Trump can't agree on a budget. So the government shuts down, except for "essential personnel". Yes, they're considered essential.<br />
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Symptoms and exhaustion are still there. You try and focus, but the pain never goes away.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-81748643364602426932018-01-13T17:36:00.001-08:002018-01-13T17:36:38.840-08:00Is Anybody Paying Attention?Greetings to all the brave people in Hawaii. Hope you're doing okay now. Now that the nuclear missile attack turned out to be a false alarm. Some emergency defense person pushed the wrong button. Then, it took almost 40 minutes to issue a false alarm. Meanwhile, where was Trump? Playing golf and couldn't be bothered.<br />
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This leads to the question, is anybody paying attention? Does anybody care about my well being? Many say they want nothing to do with us or any part of our trauma history. Something that we didn't ask for. But the pain never goes away.<br />
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You do the best you can. You do your best to try and protect your well being. The pain is still there. Psychotic episodes still happen. Despite that, we're not crazy. We're not weird, a freak or a danger to anybody in any way.<br />
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But the pain is always there.<br />
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Don't let your guard down. Don't set yourself up to have a dissociative relapse. Denial lets you escape pain? No. It makes it worse.<br />
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You have to fight back. If we have suicidal thoughts, we'll never do that. But it's important to admit that those thoughts are there.<br />
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We're not a threat to anybody.<br />
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How will terrified and now angry people in Hawaii deal with the PTSD symptoms that will come from the false alarm attack?<br />
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Remember, it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Don't hide behind denial. Face your anger, fear and more as best you can. It's scary but it's important to admit that all of that is there.<br />
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Stay well.soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-31375078102419406092018-01-11T20:41:00.002-08:002018-01-11T20:41:48.100-08:00No DACA. What's Next?It's another day of fighting symptoms. Also, fighting for survival for many. Time to break our no progressive politics content rule. Why? Because here in the States nine millions little kids have no health coverage. It's called CHIP (Child Health Insurance Program). Congress stopped funding it. Now, millions of kids could die without it.<br />
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What the politicians don't understand (or just don't care about) is that health is both physical and emotional. Not two seperate things. Many are multimillionaires who will get an enormous tax cut. They see health as not a right but as a business investment. What's in it for me? What's the return? Politicians automatically get the best health care. Why? Because they're rich and powerful and they should have the best. As for the rest, the government has NO RESPONSIBILITY to save anyone else's life. If you get sick or injured, just shut up and die. Millions of right wingers actually support this. They'll fight to the death for the right to have as many guns as possible. But a safe home, a good job and health care for everyone? Fuck that. That's goddamn socialism. We can't have that shit. These people still say if you don't like it here, go back to Russia. Uh, I've never been to Russia. I was born here. Get the fuck out!<br />
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The pain of trauma never goes away. For a while today, we've struggled with suicidal thoughts. Lots of pain (both physical and emotional). Do we have a death wish? No. Is this trauma pain, cancer or something else? We think it's trauma pain. It never goes away. But we'll never ever go back to a psych hospital ever again.<br />
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Protect your well being.<br />
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<br />soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4737289278818868028.post-5978990117343423472018-01-10T19:07:00.000-08:002018-01-11T20:42:16.127-08:00Pain and ExhaustionFight symptoms and screen everything. Protect yourself so you don't relapse. The exhaustion is always there. But what else can you do?soho44http://www.blogger.com/profile/08947894454524929223noreply@blogger.com0