Sunday, October 23, 2011

Knowing Where You Are

Do you always know where you are? If dissociaiting is really bad at times we don't know where we are. You try all the standard grounding techniques. Yet, nothing works.

What's next?

It feels like everyone who laughed at you and treated you like shit is trying to beat you down. You know you have to fight back because if you don't the "you're _________" loop will keep playing in your head, and you feel like you can't stop it.
If you don't feel back, do you feel like you're going to snap? Do you feel like you're going to just vanish down the drain and die? Then, nobody will care anymore?

Take it in tiny segments.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

The FAQ Section

As the support grows, we'll be adding answers to various questions that keep coming up. Just scroll down to the section you want.

Is the really a mind/body connection?- It's actually one thing and not two. All interconnected.

Do PTSD symptoms ever go away?- Many say not completely. Symptoms will lessen. However, there's always something there. Just one opinion.

How come others won't listen to me?- Generally speaking, not all but many won't listen because you're their worst nightmare. The last thing they want to do is face that head on. Which means the easier thing to do is to imagine you're not there.

At times, they might say you need help. However, just go away. What do you do then?

Why do others say it's my fault?- Because they're cruel and various other things.

Why do people say "sexual assault" and not rape?- Because it's like saying "enhanced interrogation techniques" instead of torture. In that case, it's not so harsh. It's patriotic. Also, it won't get you fired. If you say rape, we just don't talk about things like that.

Is it common to develop multiples personalities after trauma?- Generally yes. It depends on the situation, the person and what happens afterwards. However, that's a perfectly normal protection mechanism.

What percentage of the population has some form of PTSD?- Ten percent.

Is there a National Victim Compensation Fund in the States?- No. Many states have their own. How much you could get depends on the case and what the statute of limitations is in that state.

Is it true that rape crisis centers can't mention anything about guy rape survivors in their content (online, publications, etc.) if they want to get federal funding?- Yes. It's actually illegal to mention anything about guy survivors.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Fight to Focus

More fighting to focus and not black out from dissociating. Take things in tiny segments. Screen everything. Don't give into the urge to watste your time on triggering stuff.

Anger still comes out. We feel like we're going to snap in two. We can't afford a therapist, so we do the next best things. What else can we do?

Fight to focus.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

An Early Happy May Day and other stuff

Taking a break for a second from the daily battle against symptoms, an early Happy May Day to all the working masses worldwide. If you're fortunate enough to be really rich, good for you. Also, if you feel like sharing some of your success, you know where to find us.

We still have to screen everything. At times triggering stuff comes out of nowhere, and it's hard to find your balance again. We're also sticking to taking things in tiny sugements. This can at times mean 30 second blocks, but you do what you have to.

My multiples and little kid see to agree that it's more trauma flooding out. It's rough when you feel like the rest of the world could care less. Not everybody's like that. However, mnny have been and continue to be. That's why outside of this blog, we almost never talk about trauma because what's the point? This means that short of a new therapist we do the best we can with other sources.

We still keep a weapon in the room we're in or in our bag when we go out. Not always, but at times we just feel better to know that it's there. Does this fear ever go away? We don't know. Then again, it doesn't matter in the sense you have to protect yourself.

Thanks for the support. We'll stick to our no-ads policy here. In return, we only ask that you link us everywhere you can to LEGITIMATE sources. Please, no Russian Mafia-buy-gold-we-think-Obama-sucks garbage sites. Nobody needs that.

Friday, April 29, 2011

How Much Can You Multi-Task?

A busy Friday with lots of job applications and also looking for a new apt. If the new jobs come thru here and we can stay in the current place, great. But just in case, we want to have as many options as possible. Can we save money by downsizing, or not with $4 a gallon gas coming soon? We want to go back to school. But also, it only makes sense to study something you're happy in (versus being economically trapped and you're forced to do something you're miserable in).

Our fight-or-flight mechanism is still stuck and we have to fight hard to get anger out. At times we feel like we'll black out. On the other hand, if we don't we just feel like a shell and the world is beating you down. Which means we hav no choice.

Just focus on tiny segments and having as many options as possible.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

We're Still Sticking to It

Just for a second. Are you going to watch The Royal Wedding (at roughly 4 a.m. CST in the States)? Probably not. We'll also pass on the wedding cutlery set, t-shirts, coffee mugs and all the rest of it.

How are your symptoms these days? Dissociating and despair are still there. We're covering all the bases and trying to be in the strongest financial position we can. Just in case the new jobs aren't here, have an option to move to. Where is that? We're not sure.

But, we keep going and do our best to keep our balance. Have a good day.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Today is a Extremely High Triggering Day

The Dept. of Homeland Security (DHS) here in the States still has a color coded "terror alert" system. Nobody pays attention to it, but it's there. Here, we have our own Triggering Event Alert system. We don't list all the triggering stuff. But we mention that we think you should protect yourself at all costs.

The underlying theme from those that put this stuff out? We could care less what you think and we'll do it anyway. In that case, we say ok. We'll go elsewhere. This means re-organizing your sources that you use for information and other things. However, it is worth it to change where necessary.

One reason is that odds are nobody else will do this for you. It's hard enough to get someone to take you seriously as a trauma survivor. Why add to that stress by watching all of this triggering stuff? We deserve better.

We still fight flashbacks and dissociating. On rare occasions, hyperawareness is still there. We feel like we're going to snap in two and black out. But we have to fight back or we'll fall apart. Who wants to live like that?

Our suggestion? Don't look at anything today unless you have to. Yes, it's that bad.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Cover Your Bases

We've found some new sources online that seem to be okay to listen to/watch. As for the other ones, we stay away from it.

At times, it's hard to stay grounded and know what's real and what isn't. Is it more untreated trauma flooding out, or something else? Hyperawareness still happens at times. Is the person behind us going to attack us? We still think out ways to stop them.

We have to fight back. At night we're totally exhausted, but what else can we do?

On the other hand, we're facing our trauma head on as best we can.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Change Where Necessary (contains potentially triggering material. Read at your own risk).

Working online tonight with commercial free radio on (the only way to work). We've had more than enough triggering stuff for one day. You do what you have to to protect yourself.

Maybe in a sense it's like first going sober. Now, you have to make choices about many things/people/places that have been second nature. Do you continue with triggering stuff, or not? This can mean building up a whole new network of sources that you trust. We feel like we're having to do more of that at the moment. Because, what's more valuable? Your balance or what somebody else says? This can also help you to pick your battles more effectively on various issues that are important to you.

In our view, think of mind and body as being one thing. If you agree, then triggering stuff can have multiple effects on you. Does this mean that medication is the only way to treat something? While we're not anti-meds, maybe its's not. Consider alternatives that could possibly be more helpful.

At times, we're enjoying the peace and quiet. We're still working on new sources that aren't a threat. That's ok. We have time....

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Adrenalin Surges and More(contains potentially triggering content. Read at your own risk)

It's the weekend, and here's a lot to screen these days. If the Powers that Be won't listen to us, we won't listen to them.

Adrenalin surges are still a problem at times. Exercise seems to help some in getting  that trapped energy out. But the despair, dissociating and other things are still there as well. We're much more aware of the effects of things on us versus just doing them as second nature. How's your awareness?

Do you still have flashbacks? When ours happen, at times we don't know where we are. We hold onto solid things and try the usual grounding techniques. But many times they don't help. What do you do then? Do you feel like you're going to black out? Do you ever pass out from having to fight this all day long and feeling like nobody else can be bothered? We still feel like we have to fight back because if we don't we'll fall apart.

Is that because dissociating has been second nature for so long? Or, is it because of something else?

Your tip for the day. It seems like a lot of progressive sites, blogs and more are essentially recycling much of the same stuff. If you're reasonably well-informed, what's the point? Everyone has the right to their opinion. On the other hand, we have the right to aoid overkill.

If you come across any helpful links to coping with symptoms, please post. NOTE: Please, no spam links (instant PSTD cures, buy gold now, Obama isn't American. You get the idea). All of these will be deleted. Then, you will be banned. No exceptions.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Screen everything

Everywhere you look, it's more triggering stuff that we can't mention here without depressing everybody. What's the answer?

First, protect yourself at all costs. Screen everything. If you don't have to see/watch/read/listen to something, don't. Save time and money. Have more time to do other fun stuff. Lately we've been catching ourselves looking at something online that has been almost second nature. Now it's why are looking at this? Our Evil ISP has bandwidth caps in place. Do we really want to waste that on THIS?

We're also fighting dissociating non-stop. What's the underlying cause? We're not sure. But it's exhausting along with all the other stuff we have to do. Do you still have to fight this?

Trust your intuition. Tip for the day: lay off chemicals as much as possible in your diet and you'll have better intuition. Think of yourself as a radio station trying to pick up signals. Less interfearence means better reception.

Use your online tools as creatively as you can.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Balance is the Key

Another hot and humid day as we get a lot of stuff done. We're also fighting to focus and not black out. It's exhausting and we're really trying to stay off sugar. Too much means your insulin level and other things are all out of balance.

Tiny segments.....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Screen everything

Putting in lots of time online to cover bases with job hunting and other things as well. Normally we don't talk a lot about online security. But today let's do it.

Obviously have up to date security software for viruses and malware. Don't leave any obvious clues online that can be connected and then used to out you. If you don't know where something comes from, don't open it.

Now, maybe the most important point. Can anything be hacked? Yes it can. It depends on your code writing skill, your objective, how creative you are and your timeframe. Security software databases only go so far. Which means that hackers are always slightly ahead of the curve.

This doesn't mean you can't protect yourself. Does this mean constantly scan your hard drive? We scan ours once a day and that seems to work ok. If you want suggestions on packages to use, post a comment.

We still scream and fight to not black out.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Fighting to Focus(Contains potentially triggering content. Read at your own risk).

Another day of screaming and fighting to focus. If you don't, we feel like we'll just fall apart. You feel empty and it's like the world is trying to beat you down into the ground. We rock back and forth and try to focus. But the despair is tough to deal with.

Hold onto something solid. Focus on something in the room or the space that you're in. Then sometimes the flashbacks happen. Somebody's treating you like shit. Somebody's beating on you and you have to fight back.

Does this happen to you?

Monday, April 18, 2011

Feeling Really Drained Right Now

Last night was rough. Almost no sleep at all and dissociating was hard to handle. Is it too much of an acidic diet, or something else? We still have to fight to not black out when anger hits as well. Can't go to a therapist right now, so do the next best thing.

How do you cope with despair? Not always, but many times we don't know where we are. We know we exist, but it feels like you're just taking up space. You feel like you have to literally shock yourself back into some sense of balance. Does this ever go away? We don't know.

Have a good day.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Fighting Back

Flashbacks seem to happen at the worst times. When they do, we try to deep breathe and hold onto something solid to know where we are. At times though, it doesn't help.

Despair still happens as well. Small things take a lot of energy to do. If necessary, we turn everything off and go for a walk. It's the terror of being abandoned and knowing that no one will ever come to listen to you, help you and reassure you in some way.

How do you cope with this?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

How's Your Focus?

Lots of water today seems to help our focus somewhat. We still have to screen everything. But, some stuff needs to be looked at.

Some poeple wonder if PTSD ever goes away. Is it a "mental illness" or an emotional condition? We think of it as an emotional problem. At times we see, read or hear others talking about this or rape survivors in general. Some people and/or media outlets only talk about guy survivors if they can get ratings or profit out of it. Can we get them to get it together and do their job? Probably not. Instead, we say, if you won't do your job then you won't get our time/attention/money.

We still have to fight to focus. At the end of the day we're usually wiped out. Then again, you have to fight back. If you have a better idea, please post a comment.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Keep Your Balance

The snacks today? Peanut butter, chocolate chip cookies and flackseed. Some sugar but also it helps your seratonin level, insulin and other things all at once.

Lots of bases to cover in finding the new jobs and having backups. Just in case, if the jobs aren't here, where do we go next? We're not sure. We're just making sure that we do have a set option to go to if necessary. It's too much to do 50 things in one month. We've been through that many times overseas and it doesn't work.

Our suggestion? Screen everything. Especially anything that has to do with the economy or other world stuff that's happening. If we don't, we still have nightmares. Sometimes triggers happen during the day and it's scary to try and get our focus back.

We can't afford to go back to a therapist at the moment. So it's do the next best thing for now.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A Sunny Kind of Day

How hot can it get? It's not global warming. It's not global warming...

We're drinking more water right now to see if that helps to focus better. Some studies say that if you drink a gallon a day it helps your neurons in your brain to work better. However, anger and a stuck flight-or-fight mechanism is still there.

We scream, we fight to nnot black out. If despair is really bad we hold onto something solid to try and stay grounded. Despite that, at times it's like somebody's trying to beat you down into the ground.

But, what choice do you have but to fight back?

Monday, April 11, 2011

Options Mean Power

How's it looking so far? Welcome to our expanding global audience:
Syosset, N.Y.
Santa Fe

All of our content here is for free. In exchange, we only ask that you link us everywhere you can. Please, no spam links (buy gold now, Ukrainian Mafia, real terrorists and so on).

Lots of triggering stuff everywhere you look. Despite that, we're trying to keep our balance and create as many options as possible. One possibility is going back abroad. We know that there are many places in the world that you can go and be quite happy. It's just a matter of setting it up and then dealing with immigration and the other bureaucracy.

As for symptoms, body memory still happens. Not the psychos that raped us pinning us down. But anal pain and pain in other parts of the body.

Another part of it is despair. No one ever listening or actually being there (despite all the empty "I care about you" soundbites that they put out). At times, we're still not sure about how to deal with that.

Tiny segments at a time....

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Are You Staying Grounded?

We still have to scream when we fight to focus and not black out. It's not just one multiple fighting to be heard. But it's there.

We won't off ourselves. We won't use anything. However, the despair is still there and crippling. Not to the point of you we can't leave the house. It's feeling like the tiniest thing takes an enormous amount of energy to do.

At times, nightmares still happen. It's the terror of standing there and everywhere you look, nobody's there. Nobody will listen, nobody will walk to you and reassure you in any way.

How do you deal with that?

Saturday, April 9, 2011

We're Still Here

The big govt. shutdown didn't happen. Sort of.

It got delayed for one week. A stopgap budget was passed and Obama signed it. Will an actual budget get passed? Who knows.

Instead, we're just focusing on finding the new work and stability. This also means having as many options as possible.

How's your balance? We still have to fight to focus all day long. Nutrition helps to a certain point. Aside from that, anything else that helps you out? For us, screening content protects up somewhat. However, despair still hits at times and feels crippling. We fight to hold onto solid things try and atay grounded. At times we cry, scream and fight to not black out. If we don't fight back,we'll fall apart.

What else can we do?

Friday, April 8, 2011

Breaking Our Triggering Rule

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we'll break our no-triggering content rule in this case.

Tonight at midnight, the federal govt. here in the States shuts down. The Congress can't agree on a new federal budget due to petty ideologies. Obama will never deviate from being the "Nice Centrist Guy" because he is running in 2012. So spin is everything.

How long will this last? The corporate and progressive media are all scrambling for that exclusive angle. Then again, how many ways can you say are you "essential" or not to government operations?

Protect yourself at all costs. But the other thing is keep your balance as best you can. Does this mean constantly stress out about the cost of everything? Hopefully you won't have to do that.

Instead, keep in mind there's only so much time in the day. Which means have as many options as possible. Also, protect yourself online as well.

Back to the applications.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Protect Yourself

Lots of weird and wacky triggering stuff today. If you have to look, be very careful as you do. If you don't, you're not really missing anything.

More fighting to focus today. We scream and fight to stay grounded with solid things. What space are we in? Colors at times seem to help to distract you. Sometimes they can trigger flashbacks as well.

Physical pain from being raped at times still happens. Not so much with being pinned down, but actual anal pain and other sick stuff.

On the other hand, we try to face this head on as best we can. Blissful ignorance doesn't work.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

It's All Connected

Be very careful. Lots of triggering stuff in the news today. If possible, gat a virtual assistant to screen this stuff for you. Which leaves more time for other things.

We still have to fight to focus in the morning. One theory is that if you have a lot of sugar in your diet, it affects a wide range of things in your body. Then when you crash, symptoms are much worse. We're trying to stick to other things in the diet and then see how it goes.

Despite that, the fear and flashbacks are still there. We still have to hold solid things and scream to try and stay grounded. Just going with your feelings doesn't work. You have to fight back.

The other key? It's not your fault.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Stop those Silly Rumors

We don't know where it came from. But since Obama "offically" declared he's running in 2012, there's been some talk that yours truly will be running as well.

Unfortunately, this takes billions of dollars. At the moment, we don't have that. Also, there would be some confusion (mixing up my first name with various other people with the same first name). You could spin this and get some mileage out of it. Then, it's a matter of money, travel, and all of those other costs that somebody has to pay for.

Now, if the money came thru and millions of people emailed me urging me to run, that's different. First things first. For now, let's see what happens.

Onto other stuff. How are your symptoms? We still have flashbacks and occasionally some hallucinations. What causes this?

Is it just your diet? Is it coping with the trauma? Or, is it a combination of both? We've only found one study online that seems to say it's a combination.

If you can suggest other sources on this, post a comment. Like one of our sources recently said, just because there's no study doesn't mean it's not a valid idea to be checked.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

When to Say No?

Into the weekend, and still no sign of the personal assistant. Maybe it's the part about "almost no salary" in the ad?

We're still making changes in where we get our information. Some sources are a complete waste of time. This means research and finding new ones that are safe to deal with. This also means keeping your I-can-save-the-world impulse in check. Knowing what's happening and caring is fine. But you also need to know what area to fight in.

Speaking of fights, anger and flashbacks still happen at times. We fight to not black out and are always wiped out by the end of the day. Is it one of my multiples lashing out? I'm not sure. But the fight-or-flight mechanism is still stuck.

How's your day?

Friday, April 1, 2011


Yes, it is Friday. Lots of ground to cover after a rough Thursday with anger and flashbacks.

Without going into specific triggering stuff, there's a lot of it right now and it seems like there's no accountability at all. We keep hearing key phrases:

Pozi scheme

It's almost like you're 4 steps ahead of everyone else. You can almost predict who says what, how and what the responses will be. Which means if there's no point in watching any of it, this can be a huge timesaver.

However, if you don't have the luxury of turning it all off how do you deal with that? Whether it's someone in Washington or across the hall, how do you maintain your boundaries?

We try not to sink down to the other person's level. It's tough when you have a lot of backed up anger and have to fight the urge to beat them into the ground. As for others you watch online, there are different ways to be heard. The trick though is to get others to add to the effect you want to make. Unfortunately, on the dog-eat-dog Internet it's every person for themselves.

Our suggestion? Get a really good attorney.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

How's Your Balance?

It's a sunny and busy Wednesday. Despair is still there at times as we cover lots of ground. But, you keep going in tiny segments and always have as many options as possible.

Can you handle your I-must-save-the-world impulses? It's fine to have them. It's just a matter of taking on what you can.

Hi to our new global readers (everywhere from Madrid to Melbourne to Vancouver, B.C.). We have no ad budget here. It's free information that needs your links to be seen. Cheers.

Monday, March 28, 2011


Lots of despair at times. There's emptiness and you don't know all the reasons why. You're not going to off yourself. But you don't know the reasons why.

More bases to cover. We're really trying to keep tiny segments in mind. Also, screen everything. This can mean you have to find new sources for information. But also, think of the extra time you have.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Crippling Despair

Overcast but a warm 80F here. Today it's cleaning, cooking and more stuff online.

Also, dealing with deapir and emptiness. It's like you know you exist, but you feel like an empty shell. You know you have things to do. But it takes enormous amounts of energy to do them. We fight to keep our sense of balance and not to just disappear in despair.

Does this ever go away for you? How do you cope when you feel like nobody's there? Everywhere you turn and you think that someone will listen to you and help they don't. Where do you go then?

Aside from the obvious of you have to keep going, we just try to keep our boundaries up when necessary. We also say somebody else's words and actions are not our responsibility. It's exhausting, but what else can you do?

Friday, March 25, 2011

Screen Everything

It's Friday, and triggering stuff is happening everywhere. Our suggestion? Screen everything because nobody else will.

Everybody has their limits (both physically and mentally). This also means that everyone has to decide for themselves where to set boundaries and when to say no. When to walk away despite what others are saying and doing as you do.

How do you deal with despair? Are your symptoms debilitating in any way? We still have ours. Despair from feeling like no one's ever been there. We try to keep going as best we can and they have to live with the consequences.

Screen everything.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Cover Your Bases

Another morning to fight to focus. Our fight-or-flight mechanism is still stuck at times. You have to fight to get past that and get your balance back without blacking out. Then deal with the rest of your day.

Had a teaching job interview two days ago. That went ok, but it didn't work out. Why? The classes are ultra short term with long gaps in-between. How can you pay bills with that? So we'll find something else. We're also putting in time everyday on as many other options as possible. If the new jobs aren't here, have a set option to move to. Why renew an apt. lease if you can't pay the rent? No reason to.

One thing that seems to help somewhat? Keep your system in balance. Get the chemicals and acidic stuff out thru exercise and other things. Another idea? Chocolate chip cookies.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Use Your Tools

It's Monday and the triggering stuff is still there. Can we explain it? No. But we can screen everything and protect ourselves.

If we don't, it's too much and we end up having nightmares or flashbacks. Some mental health experts say you're never cured of PTSD. Right now we don't worry about that. Instead, deal with what you have to. As for the other stuff, be very selective. Why? Because nobody else will do it for you.

You're not responsible for what others do and say. Just cover your side.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Fighting to Focus

How's your focus? We still have to fight to get ours. Add to that everything else that you do, and it's really exhausting.

Do you still have adrenalin surges? We take breaks to try and focus on our chi flow. But even with that it's still frustrating to deal with. Does this mean the tiniest amount of stimulants sets this off? We don't know.

What helps you to keep your balance? Despair and flashbacks still happen as well. But, we keep going.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Keep Your Balance

How's your Friday? We're still filtering as much as possible. With a lot of the major triggering news, it's everyone rehashing the same points to try and make it sound like "cutting edge analysis". Unfortunately it's not.

This means protecting yourself as much as possible. At times we go out and some weird triggering thing comes out of nowhere. Then, we don't know where we are. We try to hold onto solid things and to focus. However, despair at times is crippling. How do you cope with that?

Is it possible to have no tolerance for stimlants at all? The tiniest amount causes lots of symptoms? We're still not sure.

Screen everything.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Screen Everything (not just incoming calls)

Almost time for lunch, shopping and even more. Our suggestion? Screen everything.

If you have to look, that's one thing. But if not, then we say go elsewhere. It feels like almost everything is triggering. While it's not your job to save the world, you do need to protect yourself.

Dissociating is the main problem these days. A more aklaline diet helps somewhat when you try to focus on something. But it's still a battle. You scream and fight to not black out. You hide somewhere to try and focus. Is it possible to totally lose your tolerance for something? A tiny amount causes almost violent symptoms? We're not sure.

If you need anything, you know where to find us.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Fighting for Balance

Went to the cable shop to upgrade our modem. Now we're at least at "average speed" (average up and down loads in the States. Which is about 100 times slower than the rest of the world). On the other hand, at least pages don't take 5 minutes to download.

How's the rest of your part of the world? For any new people here, welcome and please spread the word about us. We have readers now in over 30 countries. Please keep in mind our readers in Japan. Hoping everyone is safe.

Speaking of triggering stuff, a suggestion. Since much of it is the same stuff endlessly recycled, if you don't have to look at it, don't. That's not giving into the neocon "if you don't like it, turn it off" line. That's just protecting your health.

We still scream and fight to not black out. Exercise and diet help to a certain extent. But the symptoms are still there. What else can you do?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Flexibility is the Key

Happy Friday/early weekend. Happy Hour starts when you want it to start.

How are your symptoms today? Here, staying off acidic stuff seems to be the right approach. We make time to work out every day and just to pay attention to the effects of things on you. Also, we're still sticking to boundaries and keeping all options open. It's true; more options means more power.

One for us is going back abroad. We have a solid work history, a valid passport and essentially no debt (fortunately). No ties to this area or really to the States.

Next question. Where would we go back to? At this point, we're not sure. There are other places to go. So that's not the issue. It's a matter of going somewhere where we can feel happier and have more opportunities overall.

Do you the feeling that you're the only one who sees the whole picture? We know we're not. However, that sense is there. We also have to fight the urge to singlehandedly save the world. We're seeing more and more class warfare and a feeling of I don't wanna know. Many signs are right in front of you. But for many, they don't want to see them.

Which leads to the next point. Everyone's responsible for what they do and say. This means you deal with the consequences, and not somebody else. This means you have to set boundaries and decide where to fight and where not to. Because at a certain point what is the point?

You have to look out for your overall well being.

Have a nice day.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Be Very Selective

The triggering stuff is still there. It's getting harder to figure out who to trust and who to just avoid because you're three steps ahead of them anyway.

This means we still have to screen everything. This can at times actually save you time and money. Reputable studies have shown that trauma survivors tend to have a higher level of intuition. In our case, we've been lucky in already having that. Which means we try to be careful with it.

One key to intuition. The healthier you are, the sharper it is. Only makes sense.

Emptiness and despair is still there. We just try to keep our positive focus and move forward.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Feeling Empty

How's your evening/Thursday? Last night was rough. Anger and dissociating were really tough to handle. Finally we feel like our body gave out.

Is it because it's a nervous breakdown? No. Is it because of no more tolerance to acidic food and drinks? We think so. This means that there's lots of emptiness.

We can't afford to go to a therapist or holistic doctor. Which means keep moving in tiny segments.

Any suggestions on how to cope?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Tiny Segments at a time

Lots of bases to cover today. We also need to stock up on some herbal supplements. Food stamps cover some things other than vitamins. This means going to 2 or 3 stores instead of just one. Then again you do what you have to.

Do nightmares and despair still happen to you? At times we just turn everything off and go for a walk. We fight that and do everything else. Which means at the end of the day you're exhausted.

But what else can you do? If you don't fight back, you just fall apart. We've never met anyone who disagrees with this approach.

If you know of a better way to deal with symptoms, please post some comments.

Monday, March 7, 2011

How do you screen everything?

Covering lots of ground today on the job hunting front. Yesterday we were really down for some reason. Today though it seems like there's more of a balance.

Are you screening everything these days? If not, how do you cope? We believe in doing your homework to get the best possible information. However, a lot we just turn off because what's the point? It only adds to your sense of hopelessness.

We still have nightmares at times. The despair and paralysis is also there. At times in a crowded place, we just sit down and cry.

Does this happen to you?

Saturday, March 5, 2011

How's the Balance?

A little overcast today. But still it's the weekend So try to multi-task a little less, and see how it goes.

Dissociating is still one of the biggest problems. A healthier diet helps to a certain point. But it's still exhausting to fight all day long.

The other thing we're balancing? Proactively creating opportunities. You can't just sit back and wait for them to come to you. Especially in this global depression.

Back to it.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Cover Your Bases

Is multi-tasking bad for your health? You be the judge.

We try to focus on one thing as we listen to Net radio (you have to have something on. So that's ok). Even with that, we still have to fight despair and dissociating. Hyperawareness happens at times. When it does we try to hold onto something real wherever we are to get grounded. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't.

All that matters though is balance and protection. Also, being as pro-active as possible. Because it's true. Just waiting for opportunities isn't the way to go. This is why God invented networking software.

Just one opinion.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Latenight Online

Could be a new global show? We'll keep that in mind.

Tonight, lots of healthy stuff (a flack seed burrito and kombucha). We still have despair and have to take lots of breaks. Triggering stuff still happens.

However, we protect ourselves because we have to. Some things are never negotiable.

Cover All Bases

How's your focus today? We're really paying attention to the effects of things, and not just the fact that we eat/drink/rad/watch something.

We're also fighting back to keep our positive balance. Along with everything else, it can be really draining by the end of the day. Anger still comes out, along with flashbacks and occasional body memory of being raped. We want to go back to therapy. But we also want to feel like we have control over our life.

Feel free to post your thoughts.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Focus is the Key

How are you coping with all the triggering stuff happening? We won't go into specifics here. In general, what helps you to handle all of that?

We still screen a lot and delete when necessary. Also, you need to protect yourself as much as possible. Why? Because nobody else will.

Despair still happens. We still scream and feel exhausted after fighting symptoms all day long. But what choice do we have?

Monday, February 28, 2011

Key Questions for You

It's been a while since we talked about herbal supplements and other tools that might help you to keep your balance. Let's catch up:

Does too much acidic stuff in your diet make symptoms worse?
Does caffeine help you or hurt you?
Can too much salt damage your nervous system?
Does aloe help you to feel more centered?
How much sugar is too much?
Can withdrawl from chemicals in your diet damage your system?
What's the most helpful herbal supplement for you?
Can chemicals in your environment make your symptoms worse?

We've tried to find out answers to these online in various studies. But so far no luck.

Post your comments on these.

Friday, February 25, 2011

It is Friday

It's Friday. Also, the triggering stuff is still there, and seems to be spreading. However, we'll stick to our rule of not specifically listing it all. Listing it all here will only add to our collective stress level.

How's your reintergration these days? For some, it never happens. For others, it happens in stages. But for everyone that we've ever talked to, it's always extremely painful. That's what happened in our case.

On the other hand, every case is different. Which means you have to decide what's best for you.

The other tough part right now is when flashbacks and the full reality of how horrible PTSD can be hits. Does this still happen to you? We're not on any meds. No booze. No more poisoning ourselves with tons of chemicals in junk food. All good things.

Which means going back to the idea of stages and protection.

Cover your steps online. Leave no obvious clues to connect that someone could use to out you. Just make a list of stuff that a hacker could potentially do and then create a block for each one.

Stay one step ahead.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

We're on Hold

How's your Thursday/early Friday looking? Here, talk about multitasking. We're on hold on the food stamps line as we write, surf and have our afternoon snack. It's amazing how much you can get done while on hold.

Are you coping with your symptoms these days? Dissociating and some rare adrenalin surges still happen. Maybe part of it is still detoxifying from all of the chemicals we used to use. Tiny amounts of sugar and caffeine seem to be ok if you mix that with lots of water.

What's the worst symptom right now (if there is such a thing)? Anger still comes out and is hard to deal with. Do you feel like when you do get it out you're this close to blacking out? We do. We feel like we're literally going to snap in two. Now, deal with that and everything else you have to do.

Keep in mind that everyone heals at different rates. In addition, you have to protect yourself. Why? Because all trauma survivors can only take so much. You didn't ask to go thru hell because of something that's not your fault. This means that yes you are entitled to respect.

Just our opinion. Do everything you can to protect yourself. This also means protecting yourself from triggering things (people, places and more). Do what's best for you.

47 minutes on hold and counting....

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Fighting Hard to Keep Our Positive Balance

How's your day? Here, it's cover a lot of bases.

We're waiting to talk to an attorney about pressure(commit SSI fraud) from the "parents" in exchange for money. Is this illegal? We want to protect ourselves as much as possible both legally and financially. Another reason is that people (especially trauma survivors) can only take so much. You have to protect your physical and mental health. Which means we're documenting as much as possible.

Are you taking things in tiny segments like we are? In addition to that, we're trying to be as healthy as possible. Our tolerance for acidic foods is really low. Have you checked the sugar content in a bottle or can of soda? It varies from 40 to 65 grams. Doesn't this count as "toxic"? Also, what does "natural ingredients mean"? You ask in a store, and they don't know. You ask the corporate head office and they say thanks for writing. Hello?

At times, we've thought about suicide. But, what stops us from doing it? Not giving them the satisfaction, that's what.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Use All of Your Sources

How's your Thursday/Friday? Staying in tonight and catching up on a lot.

We went for our Aid to Needy Families interview earlier today. Didn't get that. But, we did get the maximum monthly amount of food stamps assistance.

Now, the next thing is protecting ourselves at all costs. The "parents" still think that we have a "disability" that justifies getting Supplemental Income. We still have mild PTSD which is not a disability. Unfortunately, they could care less what we think.

This means that if push comes to shove and they say, ok, no more financial help, we want to have backups to protect ourselves. We're not going to destroy our life just to get a bully's temporary money. It means as limited contact as possible with them.

As for other stuff, we're screening as much as possible. Some job hunting stuff we have to look at. But other stuff we want no part of. We won't mention it all here and risk triggering everybody.

How are you coping? Despair and dissociating are still problems for us. You have to fight back to keep your balance. If you don't, you'll just fall apart. You feel like an empty shell and wonder, what's the point?

Now, will we actually off ourselves? No. However, in our opinion, it's important to face everything head on as best you can.

We're getting better at prioritizing. Like they say, information and options mean more power. Protect yourself at all costs.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

It's a Global Thing

Greetings to our growing worldwide audience. Pick a place and we're there:

Vancouver B.C.
Tel Aviv
Mountain View, CA.

Link us everywhere you can, because word of mouth really does work.

No word today on one social service rent/utility help program. We have a phone interview on Thursday for the other one. Another friend told us earlier today that they couldn't help us out temporarily with rent if necessary. We said that's ok. The last thing we want to do is add to your stress. At this point, we have no other sources that could help ongoing with these.

There's lots of anger and at times despair. The ulgy truth in our case:

We told the "parents" about being raped. We told the truth and they chose to do nothing. In many states, it's possible to be prosecuted for failing to report a sick crime like this.

No comfort in any way. No apologies. Nothing.

We've decided that it's not worth it to be treated like shit by a bully just to get their temporary money. We're taking things in 30 second segments.

How do you deal with your symptoms? Do you feel like someone (or anyone) will acknowledge that you're a rape survivor and you exist? Do you still have flashbacks and physical pain? Do you carry a weapon or keep one by your bed just in case?

There's some news right now about rape cases in the military (both men and women survivors). Again, both men and women. Both deserve to be heard. Also, a reporter in Egypt was sexually assaulted. We hope everything will work out for all of these people.

But, we also hope that all of them will be given the respect they deserve to be heard and then to hopefully start to heal.

30% of the population in the States has some form of PTSD. This is a fact and it's not going to go away. No matter how you spin it or where you hide it in the back of some "official govt. study".

Ignoring trama only makes it worse.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Keeping Your Balance

How's your weekend? Here, we're fighting hard to keep our balance. It's still a matter of covering lots of bases, just in case one doesn't work.

It's also a matter of protecting yourself at all costs. It's not worth it to be treated like shit (just so you can get someone's offer of money to pay your rent). We have mild PTSD that's taken years to get to this point. This means that we're NOT going to literally destroy our life just to satisfy some bullies who have money.

If you can't give us the basic human respect of being a rape survivor, then to hell with you.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Latest

Sorry to be away for a while. We've been busy covering bases and trying to keep our positive focus.

How are your symptoms these days? We're still sticking to 30 seconds at a time. But also, paying attention to the effects of things on you and your what your body's saying. Despair, some physical pain and anger are still hard to deal with. However, we've decided to face all of this head on. We didn't for a long time, which only made symptoms worse. Now, we're facing it.

Something else is coming soon. Give us a little more time to set everything up. We have a big favour to ask. We hope you can help out.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Protect Yourself (Contains Potentially Triggering Content. Read at your own risk).

How's your Monday? The past few days here have been rough for several reasons:

Lots of fights with the "immediate family".
Finally facing the full reality of our trauma.
Deapair from being abandoned and to this day the hypocracy of someone
saying they care about you. But then they insult your intelligence and lie to your face. And then, they have to nerve to try and lecuture you on being honest.

Can this get any weirder?

Now, the good news. We still have mild PTSD. But there has been a lot of albeit painful healing.

Adrenalin surges almost never happen.
We can focus again.
Dissociating is still there at times. But way less than it used to be.
We can wake up in the morning and not have to fight and scream to focus.

Essentially, the only real problem (depending on how you look at healing) is despair in trying to deal with a flood of emotions and raw realties.
Which means we're no longer "disabled" in any sense of the word.

As for others who continue to ignore this reality, we don't care anymore. We're tired of being insulted to our face and treated like shit by bullies who use money and email as weapons to try and control people. No more contact with them in any way. Also, keep your money and everything else. We want nothing from you.

And it's only 10:36 a.m.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Fighting to Keep Our Balance (Contains Content that Might be Triggering. Read at your own risk).

It feels like all of the horror of our trauma is flooding out. A segment at a time, we're fighting to keep our positive balance.

As for the "immediate family", no support re: trauma and there never will be. Some of them are still temporarily helping us out financially as we get the new jobs. However, it's rough when someone says you need to apply for supplemental income. But, they'll never have the courtesy to say to your face the reason for applying for it in the first place. And, they could care less about it.

How would you react in this situation?

The despair and fear is still there at times. But, we'll keep going. What else can you do?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

It Must be Tuesday

Today, it's an experiment. Can we go thru one day with almost no salt? It feels like w have almost no tolerance for it. Is it possible to be allergic to salt? Is it possible to be allergic to "natural ingredients" in potato chips and other food? We'll see how it goes.

We're still covering bases and keeping in mind we're not responsible for what others do and say. We have our bad days with this like everybody else. Then again, what else can you do but just keep your side of things clean and go on?

So far, no withdrawl symptoms. A good sign.....

Monday, January 24, 2011

Try Not to Get Beaten Down

How's your Monday? Lots of triggering stuff is happening. So screen it to protect yourself.

Here, also lots of disappointing stuff with the "immediate family". Essentially, they'll never care about what we think or say. Just keep your freaking mouth shut and do as your told. Some of them are helping us out financially temporarily. But now, with the supplemental income (SSI) appeal still there, the attitude is, that's not f***ing good enough. We could care less what you think or how you feel about this. Keep your mouth shut and do as your told. Also, we don't trust you. So we're going to check everything you do.

We're not going to drink again or off ourselves. Instead, protect yourself at all costs. Keep your contact with these people as polite and limited as possible. That way, you don't have to apologize for anything that you say and do. As for them, they have to live with what they say and do. Not us.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

How Do You Cope?

Staying warm this weekend? We're still sticking to our as-healthy-as-possible diet. But despair still happens at times.

When it does, you just want to get into bed and hide under the covers. Sources that we trust keep saying this is severe trauma that has to come out. How do you cope when you feel almost paralyzed?

On the other hand, we're covering more job on the job hunting front. We're also trying to always have as mnay options as possible.

Back to the sites.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Fighting for Balance

Here, a rough Friday with lots of dissociating. Now, finally some calm.

One reason? Way too much salt in the diet. Does this mean we have no tolerance at all for salt or spicy stuff? We're not sure.

However, we're still sticking to tiny segments. We're also getting more job leads covered as well. But we still have to censor everything.

Do you cry at night? We do.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Keep Your Focus

How are your symptoms? For us, adrenalin surges are tough to handle. We try a lot of the usual grounding techniques:

deep breathing
holding onto solid things around you

But at times these don't work. What do you do then?

Are you bombarded with flashbacks? We're fighting to stay aware of what's real and what's not. It's tough to know.

Keep your focus.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Screen Everything and Stay off the Acidic stuff

Thanks to the new global audience:

The Bay Area

We're really paying attention to the diet. No salt, sugar, caffeine or junk food as much as possible. Do everything you can to help your chi flow.

There's still emptiness. However, we take breaks when we need to and keep going. Try to set aside what's out of your hands.

Lots of job networking. There is no perfect way to job hunt anymore. Try everything you can to maximize your odds.

Back to the posts.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

How do You Feel?

Had a horrible night last night. We lost our apt. key and coulnd't get our building maintenance to let us in. We thought we'd have to stay up all night (we couldn't find a place to crash for the night). Then, at about 4 a.m. we finally found the key. Today it's been try to catch up on sleep and other stuff.

These days, we're feeling empty. We can't trust 99.9% of anybody else. Which means we do what we feel is best to keep our balance. Set that aside and keep moving forward. We also have violent flashbacks and dissociating. Now though, just an empty feeling.

Hope your day's better.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Be Nice to Yourself

Hi to our growing global audience:
Simi Valley, CA.

Dissociating is really rough these days. Depression is crippling at times. You know you have things to do. But it takes a LOT of energy to do even the smallest stuff.

You try to stay grounded and not black out. But lucid deams happen and you have to fight your way out. Then at the end of the day you're exhausted. But what else can you do? Just "go with your feelings"? No.

We still haven't been able to start with a new therapist. We'll just keep going with other sources in the interim.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Stay Warm and Aware

Here, really cold and overcast. But, at least there's no snowdrift to fight your way out of.

How's everything else? We're still censoring everything because it needs to be done. Symptoms still happen (especially anger and severe dissociating). We don't know where we are and have to fight to not black out. Despair is also still there.

How do you cope with the urge to singelhandedly save the world? Do you have to check yourself at times and say, hang on a minute. That's not my responsibility? It would be nice to be able to. Then again, what's more important? Have your overall balance first. Then take on other stuff.

We still cry at night and the despair comes back. But, we're not responsible for what others do and say. We just do what we have to to protect ourselves.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Protect Yourself at all Costs

Here, we never intentionally try to trigger anybody. However, as you work online, we suggest that you censor everything. There's a lot of really violent and sick stuff everywhere. The Powers that Be don't seem to care about it.

While they don't, that doesn't mean that you can't. If you don't have to deal with it, don't. If you don't have to go a store that makes your symptoms worse, don't go. There are other things to do and places to go.

We want nothing to do with it. This means we have to make changes and ban some sites. On the other hand, what's more important? Adding to the corporate MSM's profit margin? Or, protecting your balance?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

More Popular than Your Well Known Global Bank

Another overcast and cold day. But at least there's no snow. Also, with floods and all the rest of it that's happening, there's NO connection to global warming. Right.

Hi to our always growing global audience:

South Africa
The Russian Federation
New York City
and Anchorage, Alaska

Maybe we should start our own global talk show?

How are your symptoms? For us, despair is still there. We edit everything becuase there's way too much violent stuff in the world. At times, we don't know where we are (despite using the usual grounding techniques). But we keep going.

Please link us everywhere you can. It's not "spam" if you word a post in the right way. There's more than one way to stay ahead of the "crack team of screeners" on those OTHER sites.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Edit Everything

Back to it, and more editing. We still have to screen everything because it's way too violent. Nightmares and lucid dreams still happen at times as well.

It's not just eating too late at night. It really is a combination of what you eat, do, watch and read. You have to protect yourself.

How do you cope with fighting symptoms and everything else that needs to be done? Despair is crippling at times. Then again, we're not responsible for what others do and say. You can choose how to react to it to protect yourself.

Welcome to our new readers in South Africa and the UAE. Spread the word and link us everywhere you can (no spam, please).

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Stay Warm and Focused

Today, cold, wet and cloudy. A good time to stay in and drink. Wait a minute, we can't drink anymore. That's ok. Some nice hot tea and a snack.

Feeling focused these days? We still have to fight all the time to keep ours. But take it in tiny segments.

Any links, etc. that you think are helpful, please send them. If we think they're ok, we'll post them in our Links Section.

Have a nice day.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Finding Your Balance

How's your weekend? We've been fighting symptoms and despair all day. We're not sure who to trust at times or what to do. Everything takes a LOT of effort to do.

How do you cope with this? We limit contact with some people as much as possible because that's the best thing to do. However, at night despair is really crippling. Not to the point of offing yourself. But it's hard to deal with. Several sources that we trust say it's trauma flooding out.

Also, you have to fight back. If we don't we'll fall apart. You feel like an empty shell that the world is beating down into the ground. So just "going with your feelings" doesn't work.

Other than protecting yourself, what else can you do?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Online Security and Then Some

Question: Can you trust anyone online?

The govt. in the States is monitoring all of our communications. Despite this, millions of us keep working and posting stuff online 24/7. The rationale being, if you have nothing to hide, then why worry? It's all to protect you from "terrorists". Whatever that means.

As for trauma survivors, this means that you have to cover all of your tracks for a variety of reasons. Aside from not wanting to be outed, you have to think about personal security as well. Without giving it away, it is possible to find someone with just a few items to start with.

How then do you protect yourself? Here are some steps. Excuse us if you know these already:

Never leave obvious clues in your online content that someone can connect.

Change your password at least once a week. Make them as complicated as possible. Why? Because many people fall back on easy ones. If someone wants to hack you, make them work for it.

If necessary, use fake IP addresses. You can use these to cover your tracks online.

Use encrypted email. It's free and very useful. Does the govt. need to read ALL of your mail? No they don't.

If you have a high volume of calls, why not get an 800 number? It's a cheap and easy way to have your calls screened for you. If Bill Murray can do it, you can too.

These are just some ideas that could be helpful. Nobody is going to protect your positive balance, your home or your life. Not to make anyone paranoid about this. But just take as many reasonable steps as possible.

Do you really need to give out your main email address to everyone? No. Build up a rotating collection of addresses to use for various purposes. All perfectly legal and very useful.

If you know of more steps, please comment.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Time for Some Changes

How's your midweek going? Here, we've decided to make some necessary changes. Not to the blog. But to several ways we're trying to cope.

First, several things that we really don't need to see/hear/read about anymore are now banned. It's getting really boring to say stay away and then you eventually go back to it. This only makes symptoms worse. If the Powers that Be want to be stupid enough to keep doing this crap, we say we want no part of it.

Will we stop paying our taxes and then do jail time? No. But, it's the next best thing. Cut into someone's profit margin and make yourself heard.

This means reorganizing what you see/hear/watch/read. Also, where you go. Do you go someplace because you have to? Or, is it just second nature? If it's not work, why go if it's not helping? Go someplace else? This will mean adjusting to a new system or places. On the other hand, if it's not helping your overall balance, why keep doing it?

As for others and "The Great Tipping Point" where all progressives will gang up on the evil neocons and finally save the world, that's not our responsiblity. Everyone has to deal with the consequences of what they say and do. Our protection comes first. If you don't like something, then do what you reasonably can to create some type of hopefully non-violent change. The truth is, if you don't, you have no right to complain (in our opinion).

Nobody else is going to look out for your positive balance. We're just stating an opinion.

Tomorrow, lots of online protection stuff that the MSM "experts" won't tell you about. So we will.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Content and other Stuff

Taking a break and just listening to our body. triggering stuff is everywhere, and you need to just turn it off. We're also making some changes in the diet as well.

Also coming is new content. Despite dealing with trauma, that doesn't mean we can't have cool content. We'll try and mix it up as much as we can. Feel free to comment or suggest something to add.

Have a nice evening/day.

What's Real and What's Not?

How are your symptoms? Do you still have lucid dreams? Last night we had a horrible one. Someobody was trying to break in and kill us. Also, we were paralyzed (the same as when we were repeatedly raped). We then checked around the apartment and eventually it was ok.

It doesn't matter that it was a lucid dream. The point is that you have to fight back. If you don't, you feel like you're getting raped all over again.
Unfortunately, unless you've been raped, you'll never get it.

How do you know what's real and what's not? Are crowded spaces a problem? How do you cope with hyperawareness? That still happens to us. One thing that helps somewhat is watching clips on the Blackberry. It can run your battery down if you do it a lot. On the other hand, it helps you to focus.

Any other suggestions on how to deal with this?

Monday, January 3, 2011

How's your 2011?

Have a fun holiday break? Much of ours was spent trying to just keep our balance and chilling out. Symptoms are still debilitating (in addition to everything else that's going on). Also, we've had lots of rough disappointments lately.

The key though is that we're not responsible for what others say and do. They have to live with the consequences of this. We on the other hand will continue to protect ourselves. We have every right to maintain boundaries. If they don't work, hang up or just walk away. There's no reason to just sit and be treated like crap.

Hope this helps.

NOTE: Welcome to our new readers in Moscow, Sofia, Chicago, Trinidad and Vancouver, B.C. Link us everywhere you can. Use all of your online tools, but make sure your protection comes first.