Trying Not to Get Eaten Alive by Anger (graphic content)

A very scary start this morning. Lots of anger and hard to focus. It feels like you want to go on a rampage and kill everybody who laughed at you and treated you like s**t.

You try to keep in mind that you have no control over what others do or say. Which then means you have to protect yourself at all costs. This also means not having anything likea gun in your house. If a PTSD blackout were to happen, what then?

You fight to deal with your symptoms. Nobody wants to listen to you. But, you have to keep going. How do you cope with this?

Have a nice day.

Does This Happen to You?

How's your Friday? Unless you're already into Saturday. And once the economy improves, maybe people will stop using this opening.

Onto other stuff. How are you coping with symptoms? As you battle to maintain a balance, how do you feel? Do you feel like others pay attention? Do you feel that they care? Or, do you just scream and fight to not black out. Maybe then somebody will notice.

It's really tough at times. Sometimes the despair is crippling. Nobody seems to care. Then we just sit in the corner, rock ourselves back and forth, and cry.

Nobody wants to hear guy rape survivor. Then again, you're not responsible for what others do and say.

A High Trigger Day

It's Friday. Hello to our global audience. And a special hello to the CIA, Google and "Recorded Future" staff. Just in case you really are monitoring this blog.

Still fighting symptoms (especially dissociating and adrenalin surges). It seems like our tolerance for acidic food is practically gone. It feels like it takes all day to try and get some sense of focus.

Is it all connected? Our intuition is saying yes.

Do you have periods when you feel like you have to constantly fight to focus and not black out? What helps you to keep your sense of balance?

Feel free to post your ideas.

Still Fighting to Focus

Almost into the holiday weekend (here, In Canada. And maybe somewhere else). If it's not for you, we're not responsible.

We're still fighting to focus and wake up in the morning. No caffeine for almost a week. Also, no junk food or salsa for about three days. Our tolerance for acidic food is almost gone. If you boost your immune system, can you eat more acidic stuff in your diet?

Still have crippling despair as well at times. But, you have to keep going.

Screaming to Focus

A rough start today. We still have to fight to focus and shock ourselves awake. If you don't, it's like you're dissociating and have no way out. Does this happen to you?

Does despair still make feel almost comatose? Like the smallest things take forever to do? How do you deal with that?

We're still sticking to our boundaries. You can't control what others do and say. But, you can protect yourself in the process from that.

Have a nice day.

Triggers and Spin (contains graphic content)

We're still watching our step. Due to lots of triggers everywhere. And lots of spin from people as they battle it out over money and power. The usual underlying factors.

If you want to watch/read/listen to this stuff, that's up to you. As for us, we're still editing everything. Anger is really tough to handle. Yesterday, several times we almost blacked out. How do you handle that when you're in a crowded place? It really sucks when you drive all the way there. And then, 10 seconds after you walk in you have to leave and go back home.

Does any of this stuff happen to you?

Without triggering you, the big question at the moment is this. Will people really want to deal with a lot of ulgy realities? Even when the evidence is right there in front of them?

Or, will they stick to the usual ignorance-is-bliss attitude? My job isn't that great. I'm not rich. But, at least I'm not homeless. So I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Keep this in mind. It's not your job to individually save the world. Care. But your protection comes first.

It's All in the Networking

Did you survive the High Trigger Monday okay? Here, at times it's been hard. But, we actually covered a lot of ground in the job hunt.

Speaking of global networking, did you know that 1 in 15 people are on Facebook? This means a few things:

Soon, everyone will be on Facebook. Imagine at the airport ticket counter Homeland Security says, Facebook username?

The CEO of Facebook will be so rich that he'll be able to finally pay off the American govt.'s national debt.

Here's another angle that the Facebook Hype Machine never talks about. How many of these people on Facebook are trauma survivors? Of course, everyone has their own story and healing rate. It's completely up to them to keep quiet or to talk about it.

30% of the Stateside public has some form of untreated PTSD. That's roughly 90 million people. You do the math.

Under the current economic system, if someone started a PTSD Facebook Group, everyone on there could be denied health coverage. Because it's a "pre-existing" condition. It doesn't matter how you got it. All that matters is if you have it, you're out. If you're under group coverage, at first they're supposed to accept you. But if they find any "discrepency" at any time, you can be dropped.

Then, it's a matter of time, money and who has the better attorney.

We all know that everyone's doing online searches on lots of people. Some record labels pay people up to $80,000 a year to check people online.

PTSD isn't their fault. They didn't ask to be raped. Or, if it's a mom with kids, she didn't ask for her partner to beat the s**t of her.

How come the social networking people in power don't use their positions to help stop these stupid double standards?:

It's not their job to change society. They want everyone to use their service. But this other stuff is too weird.

The MSM wouldn't give them the time of day if they tried?

Another example. Greg Lemond is a guy rape survivor. When was the last time someone asked him about only that in an interview? They won't do it because there's no hype angle. Instead, it's the usual Greg vs. Lance rubbish.

Right now, a NFL player's refusal to carry a teammate's pads is more important than two illegal and immoral wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

What the f**k does THAT tell you?

Back to job hunting.

Coping Ok?

So far, more of a at times focused Monday. We still have to fight to focus and not black out. But our intuition is still saying DO NOT buy the caffeinated tea. So we're sticking with white tea for now.

Lots of triggers are everywhere you look. Before you give into surf the news, ask a question. Do you really need to see this stuff? What's more important? The Latest Earth-Shattering News Update? Or your peace of mind?

An Extremely High Trigger Level

We're not telling you to do anything. This is only what we hope is a helpful idea.

The trigger level for trauma survivors right now is extremely high. In our opinion, DO NOT read/listen to/look at anything UNLESS you have to (for work, etc.). For various reasons, there's lots of dangerous material circulating around.

The bottom line is protection. Nobody else will do it for you. And, how important is your peace of mind (as you deal with your symptoms and healing)?

Unless you're Obama, the truth is there's a lot of stuff you DON'T need to deal with.

Trust your intuition.

How Do You Make Yourself Heard?

Having a nice, fun and hopefully sunny weekend? Here, on the cloudy side. But still time to unplug for the day on most things.

Do you have that urge to singlehandedly save the world? It seems that a lot of trauma survivors have that (for a variety of reasons). While caring is great, in this global corporate MSM hype world, you have to be selective with your battles.

You also have to be selective with the tools that you use. Are these helping you and your cause? Or, are these just triggering symptoms and a waste of time?

Right now, we're being very careful about what we do. Because the bottom line is protection. If you don't say or post something, will the world end because of that? Probably not.

Because the truth is it's NOT YOUR responsibility to save everything. Yes, it would be nice if you could. But, shouldn't you deal with your symptoms and balance first BEFORE you do other things?

We're not telling anyone to do anything. We're just offering opinions on what helps us.

Another angle. Maybe what seems like the right approach at first really isn't. That's another important tool to use. Know when to re-evaluate, change. And if necessary, stop and go in a different direction.

And see what happens.

A Nice, Sunny Day Here

Coping with the global heat wave (that's NOT caused by global warming)? Record temperatures everywhere. In Moscow, there's a shortage of fans. Ice cream vendors can't keep up with the demand. Glaciers are melting.

And there's ABSOLUTELY no connection whatsoever.

It's kind of the same denial that trauma survivors have to go thru. To many, the world is messed up enough as it is. So, ignorance of anything else is bliss. If this happened to you, that's your problem. Because in this society it's every person raising themselves up by their (fill in the blank). So why should I be concerned about it?

Answer. Because it DOES affect you. Have any of these people ever thought what would happen if they had trauma to deal with? Where would they go for help? Are the people they ignored supposed to drop everything and help them? You're an expert on this. So you can solve this for me.

No. It doesn't work like that. You cna't give me the time of day. And now I'm supposed to solve this for you? I don't think so.

Another reason you have to protect yourself at all costs.

No caffeine today. And it feels like we can focus a little better.

Enjoy your day.

PTSD affects everybody. Not just vets (contains potentially triggering material)

99.9% of the time, when you hear PTSD, what's the next thing? Vets who need to get help, but can't. Or for some reason won't.

No disrespect to any vets. But to deal with the overall problem, you need to talk about it.

30% of the public has some type of PTSD.

What are some potential causes for PTSD?:
Sexual assault (rape). Men, women. Or kids.
Drive by shootings.
Police raids.
Cop shootings.
Military duty.
A severe illness.
Spousal abuse
and many others

If you wanted to argue about a "threat to our national security", what do you call this? Untreated, this affects a large percentage of the population. The public's safety is at risk.

Yet, do we hear any Homeland Security plan to solve this? No.

Why not? You can't fight every battle at the same time. There's no money. We don't have the power (or the guts) to stand up to the lobbyists. So we'll do nothing.

What's another reason? It's one of those ulgy realities that people just don't want to see at dinner time. Iraq and Afghanistan get what, maybe 20 seconds a day. And that's it.

So it's been mandated that this is the limit? By who?

From some of our sources, we've heard endless horror stories of sick, twisted rapes and other torture inflicted on people. We won't give some explicit examples (out of not wanting to trigger you).

But aside from that, what do you tell trauma survivors? Do you say, go away and YOU fix it? You were stupid enough to let it happen. And it's not MY problem. So take responsibility for your own freakin' life. And fix it.

No comprehension of what's being said. Just shut the f**k up and go away.

What you think, feel and are concerned about doesn't matter.

How do you protect yourself in this situation?

Politicians need to realize that untreated trauma won't magically go away at re-election time. If it happened to them or someone close to them, they'd get the best treatment money can buy.

As for the rest of us, what do we do?

Not Much Sleep

A long and tough night last night. In our neighborhood, there are lots of break-ins throughout the day. Two murders just down the street in the past two weeks. Sometimes, total strangers scam their way into the "secure" community here. And when that happens, the cops can't do anyting because they're now on "private property."

Despite all that, we're fighting to really keep our balance. Lots of nightmares last night. Everyone who laughed at us and treate us like dirt wanted to kill us. We had to fight our way out. Some of the "family" tried to kidnap us. And we had to fight our way out again.

You're an orphan. And you can't trust anyone. Can you?

You have to protect yourself at all costs.

Nobody will listen to you. Nobody wants anything to do with you because it's just too weird.

There's no concern. There's no comprehension of what they're saying and doing.

Nobody wants to know.

In that case, we'll continue to build our own network. Use the tools that are our there in the most creative way you can.

Did you know that 1-in 5 people worldwide are on Facebook? Normally, we'd charge then a HUGE fee for advertising here. And it's not like they can't afford it. While they continue on the path to world domination.

Imagine for a second if you went to the major networking sites and had all of those people in your contacts. Scary, no?

3:16 p.m.

Having a snack before going back to the grind. We have to be really careful with the diet right now. We're more aware of the effects of different things on you. (Versus in the past when it was second nature to eat it).

Looks like it's still a high-trigger day. Edit everything you need to. Even if it seems like a huge pain.

Depending on where you are in your healing, one constant is there. Protection at all times. Nobody else will do it for you.

Tip for the day: slow deep breathing will help to rebalance your system (from mostly acidic to the P/H balance it should be).

Everything Feels Really Raw

Lots of deep breathing and trying to focus. We've been up for about 3 hours now. And, yet again it's having to fight literally to wake up and have some sense of balance.

Will we black out? Will we snap? But also, we don't have a choice. If we don't, we'll fall apart.

Still no new therapist here. In the meantime, we'll use our sources to get help when we need it.

Who helps you when you need it? Are you lucky enough to have a therapist who pays attention to what you say (and how you say it)?

Another Missed Opportunity?

Normally we stay away from news as much as possible (too many triggers). But, we'll make an exception in this case.

Have you heard about the new grand jury doping investigation of Lance Armstrong? Greg LeMond is one of the cyclists who's been subpoened to testify.

In the hype up to this point, LeMond's past sexual abuse has been mentioned. And, to his credit, he went to get help. And now helps to run 1in6.com, a support site for guy survivors.

Despite all of that, where's the focus?

It's a battle of egos, money and power. Armstrong is a 7-time Tour de France winner. And, from what we're seeing, in many ways he's the Tiger Woods of his sport. The mere fact that he's won 7 times gives him the right to do and say anything he wants. Including "allegedly" threatening LeMond.

Listen around to te various "pundits" on this. And what's the range of opinion? Everything from of course he's guilty to who gives a s**t?

How much time does the corporate MSM give to LeMond's past sexual abuse? Maybe 5 seconds. And that's it.

Which means this is another f****d up perfect opportunity to give lots of guy survivors the help they need to find the help they need.

Imagine the MSM counterarguments to this:

How come you don't give more coverage to sexual abuse? And the need to get help?

Because nobody cares about that. All they want to hear about is Lance being pissed off at LeMond.

If that's true, then why have you mentioned it at all up until now?

Because it helps to add "dimension" to the story.

So if a celeb says they were abused (raped), then it's ok. But if an average person says it, who gives a f**k?

Exactly.

A prediction. Nobody is going to push for this open discussion. LeMond won't do it. His 1in6.com site won't. And no other rape crisis support center will either.

Why? Because the economy is still lousy. To continue, these centers either fight for donations. Or, a small amount of govt. funds. Current govt. regulations say that if you want govt. funds, you can NEVER EVER mention guy survivors in your center's content (in any way).

There will be no Congressional hearings on this. No celeb campaign to draw attention to this. Again why? Because that's just too freakin' weird.

It's the Tiger Woods Syndrome:

Who's Lance pissed off at today?
How much are his endorsement deals?
How many hits did his latest You Tube clip get?
Is Lance a lying scumbag like all the other pro athletes who dope, lie about it. And then try to push books to profit off of it?

That's what's really sad.

The Ky is in the Focus

Having a good day/night? We still have to fight to focus when we get up in the morning. Sometimes it feels like it takes all day. The debilitating despair is still there. And, at various times we don't know where we are.

Is any of this happening to you? On bad days, at times we feel like just lying down in a store. Will we get kicked out?

Feel free to use the share buttons below each post. Please help us with every link you can.

#397 Staying in Tonight

Staying in tonight and really trying to protect ourselves. Anger was really bad last night. Didn't get much sleep and at times we literally thought we were going to snap in two.

Today, at times we're still run down. Some former favorite foods are now violent triggers. Even a lot of sports news right now has to be edited. In this corporate culture, the old cliche is true. Turn on your stereo and listen to 5 different sports talk programs. We defy you to try and tell them apart. It's the same as in TV news. Which leads to the next question. If there's no difference between any of these, why not just have one corporation with one national network for everything? If you really believe in unregulated capitalism, then why not do that? Much more cost efficient overall.

Then again, many people in the States have a huge hangup with anything that remotely sounds like "socialism". Many key industries are now nationalized. If any giant corporation has problems, the govt. bails them out. It's the politically correct way to say socialism.

Other countries have various state run media (in various forms). And they seem to be doing ok. Here in the States, 9 corporations control everything. Ever wonder if they secretly meet to figure out new ways to control stuff? It wouldn't surprise us at all if it's true.

Which is another reason to say thanks for the suport here. We have no pledge drives. No govt. funding. Come to think of it, we have NO funding at all.

Why? Because money equals control. And considering the MSM (and progressive media)'s refusal to deal with guy survivors 99.9% of the time, why the **** should we just turn over control? Absolutely not.

Unfortunately, it's a dog-eat-dog world online. As much as people may tell you, yeah cool. Let's link. They won't do it. This then means lots of work for online spies and various sites to help said spies in doing their job. It helps to maintain the economy and keep lots of spies off the unemployment line. Of course they don't "officially" exist. But we know better.

If they won't listen to you, start your own network to be heard. But also a suggestion. In this "Global Economic Meltdown" (which is really a depression), be nice to your covert operatives. And they'll be nice to you when they write their tell-all bestseller.

Steps to Protect Yourself

Whether you're a rape survivor, an Haitian earthquake survivor or whatever, here are some ideas that hopefully will help you to cope. And, if you have others as well, feel free to post comments.

Regardless of what type of trauma you're dealing with, it's not your fault.

You have no control over what others do or say (regarding your trauma).

Protection is mandatory. For you, your mutiples. And your little kid.

You need to get trauma out in the safest way you can. If you don't, it will come out in other ways.

Food, stress and hot showers can make your system very acidic. The answer then is to try and keep your balance roughly 70% alkaline/30% acidic.

Pay attention to the effects of things that you do. And not just that many are second nature. Do you have to do this? Is this really helping you? If not, change it.

Avoid all triggers as much as possible. This means lots of editing. On the other hand, what choice do you have?

More tomorrow.

You Should See This

Coming tommorrow, something that we hope will help. Please spread the word to as many people as possible.

Thanks!

What Do You Need to Know?

It really is Monday. And in many cases one dept doesn't know what the other is doing.
This could be a corporation, a govt. agency. Almost anything.

It could also be when trauma survivors try to get help. What kind of bureaucracy battles have you had to fight to get help? Do you feel like you have gotten the help you need? If not, why not?

Feel free to post your comments.

How's Your Focus?

Still kicking back tonight. Don't listen to the urge to save the world. And then be home by dinner. Not tonight.

How's the economy in your neighborhood? Is there anything you havn't cut back on?

Imagine if the street lights are turned off at night. Rolling backouts. Huge cuts in your local to national govt. Canada or Mexico feels sorry for us. So they take over a state or two along the border to help out? No. That's TOO weird. Maybe nice revenge for about 5 minutes. On the other hand, do you REALLY want all those Americans running around in your country?

Another huge cut is in national down to local mental health. Short of starting your own therapy office (and dealing with the liability of that), where do you go for help? If the local system doesn't want to know you're there, what do you do?

If you have the answer, please post.

A Day to Chill Out

How's your day? Here, we're just healing.

Really sore and exhausted from fighting symptoms every day and all day. Yesterday was our birthday! But, no money to really do anything. My multiples and little kid were sad. But I explained that even though we can't do a lot, it's still ok. Unfortunately, we have to be raally careful with money.

So, stick to staying away from all triggers. We don't have to single-handedly save the world from the Evil Neocon Military Industrial Complex.

Instead, protect yourself at all costs. And, take things in small segments.

Time for a relaxing lunch.

Having a Good Day?

It is Friday! What's happening in your part of the world?

Here, it's still stay away from all triggers. Another point. In August,
everything shuts down. No one's in Washington. Nothing gets done.

Our suggestion? Don't even bother to listen to anything other than your favorite
tunes. You'll feel much better.

And, if you have your own pirate station (NOTE: We're not saying start your pirate station. Just if you have one already), that's even better.

Just watch out for those unmarked vans with large directional antennas on top that drive really slow.

Keeping Track

Hiya. Having an enjoyable next 24 hours? Since this is a global blog, we have to include everybody. And, hello to our readers in New York City. You know who you are. We don't. We could find out. But who needs the extra stress?

How do you keep your balance in this corporate culture? For the average person, it's tough. But if you're a trauma survivor, how do you cope?

Some types of trauma are acceptable. And even marketable (depending on what it is). Example: Sean Penn working in Haiti to help earthquake survivors.

I'm sure he could have way better things to do back home in Malibu. But, set aside all of the petty political crap that his name brings up. Give him credit for not sitting on his butt in Malibu and actually trying to help.

Now, being the savy progressive that he is, he's fighting thru the bureaucracy. And trying not to piss people off in the process. However, he's correct when he says that it is "borderline homicide" to let this continue.

Imagine for a moment that he's not a Two-Time-Academy-award-winning actor/director. (Do people ever get sick of constantly hearing that label 24 hours a day?). Would the MSM give him the time of day?

For about 10 minutes. And then that's it.

Which means that trama survivors everywhere have that in common. Fighting to continue to be heard. They didn't ask for any of these problems:

homelessness
death and disease
rapes
rampant despair
and more

Likewise, we didn't ask to be raped, repeatedly ignored and worse.

Do any of Penn's NGO volunteers have the luxury of telling a quake survivor, sorry. But you freak me out? I can't deal with this. Go away? No they don't. But we hear that all the time.

How then do you fight to continue to be heard? Penn knows that to a certain extent he has to let himself be used by the MSM (in return for getting his message out). However, we've tried to connect thru the progressive media. And NOBODY will talk to us.

Is this personal? Is it because we freak them out? So just be out-of-sight-and-mind?

We didn't ask for this (just like the quake survivors). But also, will there be any national telethon for guy rape survivors? No. Will there be any Congressional hearings to highlight this problem? Again, no.

Don't misunderstand. The Haitian survivors need all the help they can get. They also need to be able to maintain their dignity in the process.

Can you honestly say that the rest of us don't deserve the same thing? It's called human decency.

Sean Penn's Haitian NGO:
http://jphro.org

What Triggers Do You Deal With?

How's it going protecting yourself these days? We still have to edit everything. Going out means planning ahead. How do we protect ourselves if flashbacks or other things happen? Hyperawareness still happens.

Odds are nobody's going to kill us in (fill in the blank with a famous store name). Despite that, we feel like we always have to be on guard.

Do you have the same stuff to cope with? What keeps you from blacking out in a crowded place? Is there anything that you don't have to edit these days? We don't have a choice.

This doesn't mean you're not aware of the world, or don't care about anything. Just the opposite. You have to break it down into segments. And when necessary politely hang up or walk away. Don't sink down to the other person's level (and then you have to apologize later). Just smile, say thanks. And leave.

Any other ideas?

Focus

We've had enough for tonight. Listening online to some stuff about the World Cup.

We feel sad tonight. Sometimes, flashbacks hit hard. We don't know where we are. We look for someone to help us. But everywhere we turn, no one's there. And they're not coming.

What do we do?

Keep Your Balance

Feeling ok these days? We're still fighting to keep our balance. Also, we still have to focus to not black out.

You go into a crowded place. And, at times everything still feels like a threat. Is this person over there going to attack us? Is this person a psycho rapist that wants to go donw on us and then kill us? We still constantly think of ways to stop them.

Hyperawareness is still here. We can sense people around us in a radius of about 6 feet. They're smiling. But what do they really want?

Do yo still have body memory and the pain of being raped? How do you cope with that? We have that about 50 times a day.

Any suggestions?

Stay Connected When You Need To

How are you coping these days? It seems like triggers are everywhere you look. You literally can't read, look at or listen to anything. If you're in that situation, what helps you to cope?

We just stay away as much as possible. Listen to your impulse (or second nature) and say, do we have to do this? Odds are that in many cases you don't.

We take breaks and turn things off. And yet we still scream and fight to not fall apart. What for some would take 5 seconds to get past takes us maybe an hour or more to fight thru. Now, multiply that by 10. And do everything else you have to do that day.

How do you get thru all of that?

Please pass on your comments.

Lebron Mania Will Never Go Away

The Wold Cup is over. Lebron is off to Miami. And, the corporate MSM is scrambling to fill 24/7 of airtime.

In the past 7 days, how many times have you seen any/all of these?:

What Palestinians in Gaza think of the blockade
Noam Chomksy (he's good enough for Bill Mahr's HBO show. Which means he's a nice joke. But screw being on the Big Time)?
What a drone attack does to the local population in Pakistan or Afghanistan

Probably none at all. What's happened instead? Dissecting eevery possible angle on Lebron, Wade and Bosh. Also, when we need a break from that, let's fill with Useless Facts about Tiger Woods. How much is the divorce settlement? Is he lying about his net worth? Is his wife pregnant again?

The point is the economy is down. Which means that not all but many parts of the progressive media that depend on various funding have to tow the line. If you want a govt. grant, under no circumstances will you publically criticize Israel. If you talk about PTSD, you must always talk about vets. Rape survivors? Only women. We won't tolerate anything else.

There's only so much money and a huge number of people competing for it. What do you do?

You can fight that battle. Or, you can start your own site and get donations.
Yet, there's only so much money available.

In our experience, in many places people just don't want to listen. This ranges from FBI offices to a few well-known nationl rape crisis centers. We didn't ask to be raped and have to fight all of this stuff every day.

Despite that, you get the mixed message. You should get help. But don't talk to me about it. Because this is just too weird.

While there are a some web sites to try and help guy survivors, they need to be better organzied (in our opinion). There's too much hit-and-miss in what they trying to do.

If Obama really believes that national health is a right, why not give people the protection that they need?

It's a threat to the Medical Status Quo. If you cure a lot of dis-ease, how will they pay off their med school loans? Their huge office overheads?

Everyone knows it is the right thing to do. But, that's not "acceptable" (under current U.S. economic conditions).

If the worst happened and Michele Obama got raped, she would get the best care. Yes, she's the First Lady. But also, as a person she should get help.

Now, what if the Obamas had a son who got raped as well? Would anyone dare to say the word rape? Or, would they all say "sexual assault"?

If their son gets raped, he gets the best care. But if an average person gets raped, they don't exist.

Because they're not the President's son? Or, is there some other reason as well?

Apparently, human rights is a selective thing. If you have more money and power, the you're more entitled than the rest?

Time to Lighten Up

With so much doom and gloom happening, it's time to take a break. And look at some other things instead. That will hopefully cheer you up. And not get us sued:

Something to keep in mind. Be very careful. Why? Because white people are everywhere. Just when you think it's safe, another one pops up.

Will Lebron Mania ever stop? Not if David Stern has anything to do with it.

Is there anything these days that you can't sue over?

A restaurant in India says that they have the world's hottest hot sauce. Have they been put on the U.N. sanctions list for having a "weapon of mass destruction"? I mean, fair is fair, right?

First, there was TV. Then, reality TV. Is the next step "non-reality" TV? How will you pitch that in a studio meeting?

Memo to the haves from the have nots: How much f******g money do you need, anyway?

First, Obama Mania. Then, Lebron Mania. Some "producer" somewhere is trying to combine the two.

Would you eat dinner using a Lebron plate and dinnerware?

We would love to be able to license a word for use by everyone else. Imagine every time someone used this word, we get a check. Global capitalism at it's finest.

More as it happens.

Stay as Healthy as You Can

How's your weekend? Here it's stay off all caffeine and junk food (as much as possible). Too much of these means too much acidic content in your system. Which means horrible symptoms.

What else? Flashbacks still happen. When many do, it's hard to know what's real and what's not. Holding onto solid things and other "standard" grounding techniques many times don't work.

What do you do then?

Turn things off when you need to. Go for a walk. Take a cold shower (but not too long).

The other thing? Set and stick to boundaries. If necessary, hang up or walk away. Don't get into a long explanation of the ramifications of severe PTSD. You DON'T have to do that.

Just leave.

At times we hold onto each other and fight back against everybody that wants to beat us down into the ground. Or, we fight to not black out when lucid dreams happen. Is this homeless guy at this light going to kill us? We have to literally fight our way out of that. If we don't, it's hard to know what's real and what's not.

The stuck fight-or-flight mechanism is still there. Even if we stay off caffeine we still have bad days with it. Bt what else can you do?

Any coping suggestions? Feel free to post a comment. Anonymous is ok too. But let's compare ideas. Thanks for the global support.

NOTE: Like on any other blog/site, all comments are subject to editing by us. PLEASE, NO SPAM. Any and all spam will be deleted. And then you will be banned.

Have a nice day.

Multi tasking

Have a good day/having a nice day? Just trying to respect all time zones.

Another long day of job hunting, leads and more. We're going for all angles. But prioritize. As much as possible, direct contact (and not to just be another email or voicemail). But, despite what the "experts" say, we've found that you need to cover all possibilities. Because despite the odds in one approach being small, we have gotten callbacks in them. So multi-task.

How is your multi-tasking? Are you juggling symptoms and finding a new job? Or, symptoms and keeping your job. Either way, you really have to set boundaries. This may mean hanging up on or walking away from people (when necessary).

Then again, you have to protect yourself. Nobody else will do it for you.

What helps you? If you post here, it's totally anonymous.

Post Lebron James Mania?

It's Friday (unless you live somewhere east of New Delhi). LeBron James is going to Miami. Will the world come to an end in Cleveland? The Cavs owner says yes. But we say no.

Yet, once again it's a matter of the corporate MSM trpping all over themselves for ratings and profit. Yes, you can argue that James is better than Kobe. He's the Seocnd Coming of Jordan? Not quite.

But look at this. The best NBA player right now basically calls up one of the most powerful networks in North America. And says I want a 1 hour prime time special. Of course, they say yes.

Can you name one other celebrity that has that kind of power right now? Tiger Woods did (before he repeatedly messed up).

A famous actress writes a book about her having sex with her father. And instantly she makes money and gets tons of attention.

There seems to be a MSM rule re: guy rape survivors:

First, never ever say "rape". That's too harsh for the viewing public. Always say "assault".
There must be some priest involved in the story. That way it's guranteed to get ratings.
We must then get (fill in the blank with the name of a news megasuperstar) to anchor this.

What if a guy survivor was willing to tell his story. And then the ad revenue from said program could go to various rape crisis programs that need the money? This is a win situation all around. Would the MSM go for it?

Not a chance.

Why? Because there's no hype factor. The MSM corporate response? We're not running a freakin' charity here. This IS a business, by the way.

What if Lebron went on TV and said, I'm a guy survivor? Would he be allowed to say rape? Or, would he have to say "sexual assault"?

If he were allowed to talk about this, will he have to pay any penaity for doing this? No.

If we do it, we can potentially lose our job (because of the "PTSD" label). We cold also potentially be uninsurable. Because PTSD is a "pre-existing condition". Just like being overweight, too tall, too short. Or, if you're a pregnant woman.

Like Noam Chomsky says. If you accept the current corporate status quo, then when literally someone dies from the results of that, we're collectively responsible for that person's murder.

We dare you to prove him wrong.

Keep Your Balance

Fighting hard today to keep our balance. Despair is crippling at times. We haven't blacked out for a long time. However, we come close where we feel like we're going to snap in two.

We won't drink again or kill ourselves. On those bad days, we jst turn things off and cry. Because we don't know what else to do.

Trying Hard Not to Black Out (Contains Graphic Content)

We're trying lots of ways to ground ourselves. Hold onto solid things. Deep breathing. Focus on small things to not get stuck in dissociating.

But it's really hard right now. Lots of anger and frustration coming out. You have to fight back. And get everything else done too.

How do you cover all of this? What keeps you from blacking out? For us, it's the fear of blacking out. And then what? The terrifying feeling of not knowing where you are. What you potentially did or said. And, how do you get back home?

Getting Bombarded From All Sides (Contains Graphic Content)

How was your day? Got a big mix done. Car repairs that were cheaper than we thought.
Then, more in job hunting.

But also, a rough day with symptoms. Do any of these affect you?:

Physical pain of being raped.
Flashbacks
Lucid dreams
A stuck fight-or-flight mechanism
Screaming and fighting to not get raped, black out. Or die
Feeling terrified when the whole world laughs in your face
Always having the feeling of, does anybody care?
Feeling like you have to keep a weapon in every room you're in to feel safe
Violent lucid dreams of being killed in a perfectly safe situation
No matter how bad it gets, you have to fight back. Or die.
Nobody is going to help you. Admit that you exist. Or, reassure you in any way.
Because they're afraid of getting raped too?
Getting the impression that many in positions of (power?) in rape crisis centers just say, this is the status quo. If we cause trouble, we get no govt. grants. So just shut up.
We still get hundreds of physical pain flashbacks every day.
Do you scream and fight to not black out?
Do you feel like you can trust anyone?

That's enough for tonight.

#377 and counting

Happy July 5th. From the East Coast of the States eastward, it's now Monday. No matter what, we're not responsible...

How's it looking so far? Here, we're fighting to keep our sense of balance. Still avoid all triggers as much as possible. Also, be nice to ourselves in the diet. A late night snack isn't a bad idea. The trick is not too late.

Anger and other symptoms are still there. Which means we take lots of breaks and turn things off when necessary. It's rough. But we have to keep going.

What keeps you going? When you get a chance, post your comments.

Happy Long Holiday Weekend

Enjoy your weekend. Keep your balance by avoiding all triggers (as much as possible).

And keep in mind, you're not responsible for what others do and say.

Have fun.

Happy Holiday Weekend

It's a 3-day one here in the States. If you don't have the same in your area, don't blame us.

We're really fighting hard for balance. It means setting boundaries and knowing when to turn stuff off. If you could turn the boss off, it should be that easy :). But, life doesn't work like that.

Despite that, you must protect yourself at all costs. Odds are nobody else will understand (unless they're a trauma survivor as well).

At times we feel like we're going to black out. You hold onto anything solid, scream and try not to black out. Because you're afraid you'll snap, disappear or just drop dead. And nobody will help you.

Keep your self control.

How's Your Pacing?

Lots of people to call and things to do today. We're really trying to keep our balance as best we can.

But at times it's hard when you're getting bombarded with stimulus. We feel like we're going to black out. We don't know where we are. You hold onto anything solid around you and fight hard to focus.

Does this happen to you? What helps you to not snap?

If not this, at other times despair.

I Think It's Stopped Raining (a High Trigger Day)

Happy Canada Day to all Canadians. Anyone with any remote connection whatsoever to Canada. And, a special hello to all those covert operatives who "allegedly" have perfect forged biometric Canadian passports. If I do it, it's a fine and 20 years jail time. If they do it, it's another day at the office.

Earlier today, lots of rain, anger and frustration. We had lunch with somebody. And it was frustrating because there will never ever be any acknowledgement that you exist as a guy survivor. At times we ask, what kind of long-term effect does that have on someone?

No hugs, no reassuring contact. No one will ever say to you, I'm sorry you were raped.

Why?

You're their worst nightmare.
Just f******g grow up and get over it, will ya?

No comprehension of what they're saying. It's as if your emotions are a light switch. Nothing more.

What are you supposed to do?

You have to keep in mind that you're not responsible for what others do and say. Go in the most positive direction you can. And keep you balance.

We have bad days with it. We cry and the despair is horrible.

But what else can you do?

If you have any suggestions, please post your comments.