Trying to stay warm and focused. Earlier today we were fighting hard against dissociating and body memory. We've also been betting ourselves up (htting) because at times we're terrified.
It's common for guy suvivors to have bizzare thoughts:
I'm not gay. But because this happened to me I am. And I'll never have a normal straight relationship.
NOTE: If anyone reading this is gay, please understand. It's nothing personal. If someone else is gay, fine. If it were up to us, you want to get married? Go ahead and be happy. It's just that for us being gay is a totally alien thing. Just one view.
So finally we sat down and said we need help. We're trying different sources to see if there's something else we can do to keep our stress hormones down. Usually symptoms happen at the worst times. What else can we do?
It's still debilitating when you have to fight lucid dreams all day long. You have to also fight to not get stuck with your fight-or-flight mechanism.
Tomorrow it's back to the universal health care office. And trying other sources to get application information. If that doesn't work, then it's commercial coverage. Where literally anything is a pre-existing condition.