Saturday, July 28, 2012

Emptiness and More

Staying home right now and multitasking. Cooking, cleaning, trying to watch the Olympics in bits and pieces on TV and more. Due to symptoms I have to turn the sound down and occasionally turn it off. At times it brings back really bad memories of struggling with horrible untreated PTSD in London.

Now, I'm still dealing with that. At times I don't know where I am. There's anger, frustration and trying not to black out and then wonder what I did (or what did my multiples do). Severe body pain still happens. You feel worthless and like nobody will listen or care. All common things for rape survivors.

Despiet all that, I still keep going. There's a feeling of abandonment which many times comes out of nowhere. How come others can have happiness and a sense of security and I didn't? Will I ever have any reassuring contact from anybody? All common thoughts that come to mind at times.

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