Lots of triggering stuff thse days. Screen everything to protect yourself. Why? Because nobody else will.
That being said, another way to protect yourself is to ask this. It's important to speak out and stand up for your beliefs. Our suggestion? Always try to operate from facts versus gossip, slogans and other stuff that will get you sued.
As you do this, be selective in your battles. Do you really have to respond to every single post online on a subject? Most of the time, they have nothing to do with the actual subject. It's mostly really bored people cutting each other down purely for the satisfaction.
Does this improve the state of the world? No. Why then waste your time on it?
If you have to speak out, do it. If you have any choice in it, would doing it really help to get your message out? If not, try another outlet. Many times it's not volume but quality of the content that helps. I'm not saying don't be aware or care. What I am saying is that you can't deal with your pain and everyone else's all at the same time. It's also not your responsibility to save the world. If you could, yes the Nobel Prize would look cool next to the big screen TV. On the other hand, it's not your job.
We have a wide mix of stuff right now. Despair, anger and frustration. Suicidal thoughts come to mind (but we'll never act on them). Almost feeling paralyzed. The tiniest things take an enormous amount of energy. Then what do you do? It's more than just the usual ups an downs.
It's a nice sunny day. You go out and sit outside having a nice snack. Then, you feel miserable and abandoned. How do you cope with that?
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
It's Really Hot
Just how hot is it today? You don't want to know.
Lots of emptiness and despair. We have to take lots of breaks and focus to try and get out what's-the-point loops. It's almost like you're paralyzed. How do we get thru the next fifteen seconds?
Time for another break.
Lots of emptiness and despair. We have to take lots of breaks and focus to try and get out what's-the-point loops. It's almost like you're paralyzed. How do we get thru the next fifteen seconds?
Time for another break.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Hard to Focus
Everything is hitting all at once. I'm trying to keep my balance and focus on things around me.
But it's hard.
Pressure is building inside. It feels like you're out of breath. There's no illness right now that I know of. However, the pressure's there.
Take deep breaths. To to focus on what's in the space at the moment. Easy to say but difficult when you're getting bombarded with flashbacks and more.
We scream and fight to not black out. Because if you do, what happens then? It's been a long time since we've had dissociative blackouts. When they do happen, you have no memory of what you're multiple(s) said. Then, you have to face some pissed off person, and you don't know what happened. It can be a gap in time. It could also be distorted speech. No matter how hard you try to listen, everything sounds garbled.
You didn't ask for any of this. Yet, not all but many have no patience for this.
How do you deal with that?
But it's hard.
Pressure is building inside. It feels like you're out of breath. There's no illness right now that I know of. However, the pressure's there.
Take deep breaths. To to focus on what's in the space at the moment. Easy to say but difficult when you're getting bombarded with flashbacks and more.
We scream and fight to not black out. Because if you do, what happens then? It's been a long time since we've had dissociative blackouts. When they do happen, you have no memory of what you're multiple(s) said. Then, you have to face some pissed off person, and you don't know what happened. It can be a gap in time. It could also be distorted speech. No matter how hard you try to listen, everything sounds garbled.
You didn't ask for any of this. Yet, not all but many have no patience for this.
How do you deal with that?
No Olympic Ads Here
Time to just sit and write. No more Olympic hype for today. Some nice tea and maybe a CD.
Last night was really rough. Lots of anger and feeling abandoned. Does ANYBODY care? Other than one therapist in person, nobody else has ever given me a reassuring hug or any genuine supporting contact at all. What effect does that have on you? I'm not sure.
At times, there's lots of emptiness. You go through the motions. However, it's not the usual thing that we all do. There's despair and trying not to feel like everything is messed up. Just a feeling of blackness and trying not to attack people.
I still have that feeling at times that I'm about six steps ahead of everyone else. I know everything that's happening. If people would just do what I say things would be so much easier. Then again, it's not my job to save the world before dinner. Your protection comes first.
Why? Because I've had to learn the hard way that nobody else will do it for you. We live in a just-get-on-with-it society. There will always be those who winge and moan (did I just piss off 62 million Brits in one go)? I can't do anything about that. I just try to protect myself and use my intuition in a good way.
When despair is really bad it feels like pressure is beating down on you. It's almost like you can't breathe and can barely move. Then again, you have to get it out.
On really bad days, we feel stuck. You turn everything off, and then what?
It still feels like all of the backed up trauma that comes from being raped is flooding out. What else can we do?
Last night was really rough. Lots of anger and feeling abandoned. Does ANYBODY care? Other than one therapist in person, nobody else has ever given me a reassuring hug or any genuine supporting contact at all. What effect does that have on you? I'm not sure.
At times, there's lots of emptiness. You go through the motions. However, it's not the usual thing that we all do. There's despair and trying not to feel like everything is messed up. Just a feeling of blackness and trying not to attack people.
I still have that feeling at times that I'm about six steps ahead of everyone else. I know everything that's happening. If people would just do what I say things would be so much easier. Then again, it's not my job to save the world before dinner. Your protection comes first.
Why? Because I've had to learn the hard way that nobody else will do it for you. We live in a just-get-on-with-it society. There will always be those who winge and moan (did I just piss off 62 million Brits in one go)? I can't do anything about that. I just try to protect myself and use my intuition in a good way.
When despair is really bad it feels like pressure is beating down on you. It's almost like you can't breathe and can barely move. Then again, you have to get it out.
On really bad days, we feel stuck. You turn everything off, and then what?
It still feels like all of the backed up trauma that comes from being raped is flooding out. What else can we do?
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Emptiness and More
Staying home right now and multitasking. Cooking, cleaning, trying to watch the Olympics in bits and pieces on TV and more. Due to symptoms I have to turn the sound down and occasionally turn it off. At times it brings back really bad memories of struggling with horrible untreated PTSD in London.
Now, I'm still dealing with that. At times I don't know where I am. There's anger, frustration and trying not to black out and then wonder what I did (or what did my multiples do). Severe body pain still happens. You feel worthless and like nobody will listen or care. All common things for rape survivors.
Despiet all that, I still keep going. There's a feeling of abandonment which many times comes out of nowhere. How come others can have happiness and a sense of security and I didn't? Will I ever have any reassuring contact from anybody? All common thoughts that come to mind at times.
Now, I'm still dealing with that. At times I don't know where I am. There's anger, frustration and trying not to black out and then wonder what I did (or what did my multiples do). Severe body pain still happens. You feel worthless and like nobody will listen or care. All common things for rape survivors.
Despiet all that, I still keep going. There's a feeling of abandonment which many times comes out of nowhere. How come others can have happiness and a sense of security and I didn't? Will I ever have any reassuring contact from anybody? All common thoughts that come to mind at times.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Time for Some Clarity
Not always, but at times there are some moments of clarity. I can now sit and actually focus for almost one minute without dissociating. Not the normal daydreaming type that we all do. But more like having a boombox going 24/7 that you can't turn off, no matter what you do.
Do you know how long it's taken to do that without meds? Years. Along the way you feel at times like, do I have to cure myself? We do live in a pull-yourself-up-by-your-whatever-and-get-on-with-it society. Right. Off you go. Then move on to the next thing.
Despite that, how many of the Powers that Be actually take things like PTSD seriously? Yes, vets have it and need help. However, 30% of the population has it. 3 out of ten people that you walk by every day have some form of PTSD from a variety of things.
Drive by shootings
A serious illness
Rape
Seeing someone else get shot
And others
Not always, but at times I'm in a crowded place, and want to smash everything around me. I want to go off on everyone around me. Fortunately I don't. How then do you safely get out of that situation?
Everyone around you is a threat. They want to attack you and then kill you. What's your weapon? Hyperawareness means also being aware of everything around you. I don't have to look to know that there's someone behind me, and they're coming closer. How do I protect myself? Nobody else will. I don't have a choice.
I don't have a gun in my house. I don't carry one with me, and I can't afford one anyway. Also, a survivor with PTSD and a gun? Not a good idea.
A stuck fight-or-flight mechanism is still there. It's like a barrier that you have to push thru to feel like you have some sense of relief. You fight and then just when you're going to black out, you have some temporary relief. You're too tired to move. Then, it starts all over again.
Where is this coming from? One of my multiples? My little kid? I'm not sure. I just know that I can't sit back and do nothing. If I do that, you feel like everyone who's treated you like shit just laughs at you, and pisses all over you. You don't want to give them the satisfaction.
What else do you do?
A lot of the "breaking headlines" are frankly either too horrible or insulting. We all know that trauma is out there in various forms. However, when was the last time you saw someone asked a rational question about trying to deal with it that wasn't insulting in any way? Yes, if they talk for a long time, you may have to do some editing (unless it's live). Then again, if you're a rape survivor, who wouldn't like to be treated with respect? Yes, this happened and they deserve to be heard.
Like lots of people, I have to keep in mind that I'm not the news president of _________. It's not my job to watch all of this stuff. It's also not my job to singlehandedly save the world. I can't deal with my pain and everyone else's all at once. It doesn't mean you're not aware and don't care. You have to protect yourself.
Be selective in your battles. Do you really have to post comments on every single thing that you see?
Probably not.
Hope this helps.
Do you know how long it's taken to do that without meds? Years. Along the way you feel at times like, do I have to cure myself? We do live in a pull-yourself-up-by-your-whatever-and-get-on-with-it society. Right. Off you go. Then move on to the next thing.
Despite that, how many of the Powers that Be actually take things like PTSD seriously? Yes, vets have it and need help. However, 30% of the population has it. 3 out of ten people that you walk by every day have some form of PTSD from a variety of things.
Drive by shootings
A serious illness
Rape
Seeing someone else get shot
And others
Not always, but at times I'm in a crowded place, and want to smash everything around me. I want to go off on everyone around me. Fortunately I don't. How then do you safely get out of that situation?
Everyone around you is a threat. They want to attack you and then kill you. What's your weapon? Hyperawareness means also being aware of everything around you. I don't have to look to know that there's someone behind me, and they're coming closer. How do I protect myself? Nobody else will. I don't have a choice.
I don't have a gun in my house. I don't carry one with me, and I can't afford one anyway. Also, a survivor with PTSD and a gun? Not a good idea.
A stuck fight-or-flight mechanism is still there. It's like a barrier that you have to push thru to feel like you have some sense of relief. You fight and then just when you're going to black out, you have some temporary relief. You're too tired to move. Then, it starts all over again.
Where is this coming from? One of my multiples? My little kid? I'm not sure. I just know that I can't sit back and do nothing. If I do that, you feel like everyone who's treated you like shit just laughs at you, and pisses all over you. You don't want to give them the satisfaction.
What else do you do?
A lot of the "breaking headlines" are frankly either too horrible or insulting. We all know that trauma is out there in various forms. However, when was the last time you saw someone asked a rational question about trying to deal with it that wasn't insulting in any way? Yes, if they talk for a long time, you may have to do some editing (unless it's live). Then again, if you're a rape survivor, who wouldn't like to be treated with respect? Yes, this happened and they deserve to be heard.
Like lots of people, I have to keep in mind that I'm not the news president of _________. It's not my job to watch all of this stuff. It's also not my job to singlehandedly save the world. I can't deal with my pain and everyone else's all at once. It doesn't mean you're not aware and don't care. You have to protect yourself.
Be selective in your battles. Do you really have to post comments on every single thing that you see?
Probably not.
Hope this helps.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Create Opportunities
Lots of bases to cover today. The job search mix is try everything. You never know where the next callback will come from.
As for symptoms and other stuff to battle, we still take breaks and screen everything. Keep in mind that you're not responsible for making everyone else understand about what it's like to be a trauma survivor. You do what you can and protect yourself in the process.
Dissociating is still there. At times there's some clarity. At others, it's like a soundtrack that just won't go away (for whatever reason).
We'd like to have one day with no graphic lucid dreams to have to fight off. Is that too much to ask?
As for symptoms and other stuff to battle, we still take breaks and screen everything. Keep in mind that you're not responsible for making everyone else understand about what it's like to be a trauma survivor. You do what you can and protect yourself in the process.
Dissociating is still there. At times there's some clarity. At others, it's like a soundtrack that just won't go away (for whatever reason).
We'd like to have one day with no graphic lucid dreams to have to fight off. Is that too much to ask?
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Focus and More
Yesterday, lots of anger and triggering stuff everywhere. Today, symptoms are still there. However, at times there's some focus as well.
The triggering stuff is still there. Which means lots of quiet today. Occasionally I'll put on a tape or CD and see how I can handle that. Some is ok, and some is tough to handle. What are all the reasons why? I'm not sure. It's something you have to be aware of.
The emptiness is still there. A feeling of abandonment and do I have to cure myself? Then again, what else can you do?
Screen everything. If you have any doubts about it (and you don't have to do it for your job), stay away from it. Go for a walk. Read a book. Go have a snack. Anything else that will protect you. Because the truth is nobody else will.
Back to work.
The triggering stuff is still there. Which means lots of quiet today. Occasionally I'll put on a tape or CD and see how I can handle that. Some is ok, and some is tough to handle. What are all the reasons why? I'm not sure. It's something you have to be aware of.
The emptiness is still there. A feeling of abandonment and do I have to cure myself? Then again, what else can you do?
Screen everything. If you have any doubts about it (and you don't have to do it for your job), stay away from it. Go for a walk. Read a book. Go have a snack. Anything else that will protect you. Because the truth is nobody else will.
Back to work.
Monday, July 23, 2012
The Penn State "Should-Be-the-Death-Penalty-But-Isn't" Megahype(Contains Triggering Content. Read at Your Own Risk)
We all know about the endless Penn State "penalty" hype today. Endless loops of practices, students, coaches, school officials. Then, some key former school officials and others saying the NCAA's report on this is "flawed".
I know lots of attorneys will say you pay attention to legal subtleties and more in this case. However, here are some key points that no one else will mention that need to be mentioned.
In all of the endless hype, NOT ONCE did ANYBODY ANYWHERE ask one of Sandusky's victims what they thought of these penalties. This pedophile was convicted of raping the shit out of innocent kids. All that matters though is Penn State's reputation, their money, their power, and Paterno's power?
Despite Paterno passing away, what continues? The "culture" that at Penn States, Paterno was fucking God. He made this school. Without him, we literally have nothing. Therefore, you never ever fuck with God?
Former school officials are now covering their collective asses by saying that the NCAA report was "flawed". Really? How? Are you saying Sandusky's innocent? Or, are you saying you're not gonna take me down for what this fucking psycho did?
The "in-depth" news coverage is anything but. An interview where the reporter says to Sandusky, so you're denying all of this? Sandusky says yes. What the reporter's really saying (for maximum soundbite/ratings potential) is this. You get off on raping the shit out of innocent kids, don't you? Admit it.
No concern about the victims/survivors. The only thing that matters is the "million-dollar soundbite" that we must get at all costs.
The NCAA has NO responsibility in this. It's a "legal" matter. Right. Does this also mean that Obama has no responsibility to make sure that the "alleged" shooter in Colorado isn't brought to justice because he's in D.C. and it's a "local" matter?
All that matters is money and power.
Nobody wants to talk about sex abuse (rape) anymore because they're fucking sick of this shit.
Nobody seems to care about what the victims went through. What do they think about this report? None of that matters. What are we? Fucking "Psychology Today" TV? We're a sports network. That's not our job. However, we can say whatever the fuck we want about any athlete we want. Why? Because people eat this shit up.
No they don't.
I know lots of attorneys will say you pay attention to legal subtleties and more in this case. However, here are some key points that no one else will mention that need to be mentioned.
In all of the endless hype, NOT ONCE did ANYBODY ANYWHERE ask one of Sandusky's victims what they thought of these penalties. This pedophile was convicted of raping the shit out of innocent kids. All that matters though is Penn State's reputation, their money, their power, and Paterno's power?
Despite Paterno passing away, what continues? The "culture" that at Penn States, Paterno was fucking God. He made this school. Without him, we literally have nothing. Therefore, you never ever fuck with God?
Former school officials are now covering their collective asses by saying that the NCAA report was "flawed". Really? How? Are you saying Sandusky's innocent? Or, are you saying you're not gonna take me down for what this fucking psycho did?
The "in-depth" news coverage is anything but. An interview where the reporter says to Sandusky, so you're denying all of this? Sandusky says yes. What the reporter's really saying (for maximum soundbite/ratings potential) is this. You get off on raping the shit out of innocent kids, don't you? Admit it.
No concern about the victims/survivors. The only thing that matters is the "million-dollar soundbite" that we must get at all costs.
The NCAA has NO responsibility in this. It's a "legal" matter. Right. Does this also mean that Obama has no responsibility to make sure that the "alleged" shooter in Colorado isn't brought to justice because he's in D.C. and it's a "local" matter?
All that matters is money and power.
Nobody wants to talk about sex abuse (rape) anymore because they're fucking sick of this shit.
Nobody seems to care about what the victims went through. What do they think about this report? None of that matters. What are we? Fucking "Psychology Today" TV? We're a sports network. That's not our job. However, we can say whatever the fuck we want about any athlete we want. Why? Because people eat this shit up.
No they don't.
The Triggering Level is Really High
Unless you have to look at the news, our suggestion is don't. Everything is a threat. Trust your intuition, and stay away. Do you really want to spend lots of time dissociating as a result of looking at this stuff? I don't.
Hyperawareness and other symptoms are still there. If I go out, it feels like many places are a threat. Where's my weapon? What do I do to fight back? I can't afford to have a gun, and don't want one. Yet, do you feel safe going to bed at night? I still keep a knife (and sometimes my cell phone as well) at the foot of my bed. You just feel safer.
I won't list all of the triggering stuff happening right now, because you know what it is. Why then make things worse?
We fight the negative "it's your fault so you fix it, you're a ______, and other garbage" every day. It's not just the normal shit that people give you. It feels like every single day it's endless abuse. You have to fight back. Also go to work and do everything else.
Protect yourself at all costs.
Hyperawareness and other symptoms are still there. If I go out, it feels like many places are a threat. Where's my weapon? What do I do to fight back? I can't afford to have a gun, and don't want one. Yet, do you feel safe going to bed at night? I still keep a knife (and sometimes my cell phone as well) at the foot of my bed. You just feel safer.
I won't list all of the triggering stuff happening right now, because you know what it is. Why then make things worse?
We fight the negative "it's your fault so you fix it, you're a ______, and other garbage" every day. It's not just the normal shit that people give you. It feels like every single day it's endless abuse. You have to fight back. Also go to work and do everything else.
Protect yourself at all costs.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Weekend Posts
Greetings to our global audience. Here, a steamy 40C. Time for covering some bases online, and then a cold drink. Still no bar by the pool, though. Oh well.
We're still sticking to our as little news as possible approach. If we have to deal with something, we do. Otherwise, no. It's just not worth the endless dissociating and pain that comes with that. You have better things to do with your time.
Gradually, we'll be adding new stuff here. The idea is always to (1) hopefully help to minimize your stress as you try to find the right place to get help. Then (2) share this with as many as possible. AS LONG as it doesn't hurt you in any way.
Your protection comes first.
We're still sticking to our as little news as possible approach. If we have to deal with something, we do. Otherwise, no. It's just not worth the endless dissociating and pain that comes with that. You have better things to do with your time.
Gradually, we'll be adding new stuff here. The idea is always to (1) hopefully help to minimize your stress as you try to find the right place to get help. Then (2) share this with as many as possible. AS LONG as it doesn't hurt you in any way.
Your protection comes first.
Friday, July 20, 2012
What Do Climate Change and Various Types of Trauma Have in Common? More than You Think
We keep trying to keep this as a trauma only blog. Despite that, the Powers that Be keep screwing things up. Which means we have to break our "no progressive politics" rule here to make some important points.
Start with this premise. What do climate change and trauma (rape, battered women, drive by shooting victims and more) have in common? Much more than you think. Also, a lot that the corporate MSM will never touch. So I will.
The basic idea in climate change is that CO2 is trapped for a long time in the atmosphere and raises the temperature. This leads to weather patterns such as mega hurricanes, typhoons, blizzards and tornadoes. Like in any issue that involves money and power, those with the money and power will do literally anything to keep their money and power. These corporate CEO's (since a corporation is a "person", is the CEO the parent?) publically say climate change is a a scam. Privately, do they say the same thing? Hopefully at least one doesn't. Then again, what's their first responsibility? Profit for themselves and their shareholders? Or, doing the morally responsible things to stop climate change?
Why don't people deal with it? They deny it exists. There's nothing I can do about it since the political system is permenantly broken. If I say it's true, I'll get fired because I work in a "right-to-work" state.
They choose to keep their mouth shut.
Now, trauma. Nobody wants to publically admit this. But women and men get raped. They didn't ask for this. They didn't ask for pain, humiliation and being treated many times like dirt when they try to get help. What do they hear? It's your problem, you fix it. Now go away. We don't want you here.
Again, out of sight, of mind. If the problem isn't there, you can go back your reality TV show, pizza and Bud Lights.
Astounding but true. Before the Sandusky case broke, how many times did you hear about people in authority raping the shit of innocent kids?
Take thirty seconds and please reread the last sentence.
The only time you'd hear about it is during ratings sweep periods when the rule is if it leads, it bleeds. Sex, violence, celeb gossip. The more the better. We are running a business, ya know.
These are both political footballs to get many politicians re-elected. Or, to maintain their current money and powerful status. Have you EVER seen a guy rape survivor testifying before a Congressional Committee on rape? I haven't. Why? Is it because we just don't talk about things like that? Is it because lots of idiotic stereotypes come to mind if we do?
Fact. There are lots of gay men and women serving in the military. Since many straight women are getting raped, it only makes sense that many men (both straight and gay) are also getting raped. But because the number is "so small", nobody gives a shit. So again, just piss off and go away?
Sad but true. Not all but many care more about profit than doing the right thing. Penn State cares more about profit than helping rape survivors. NOTE: If you really want to help them, first start by not insulting them by saying "sex abuse". That may be some legalese that attorneys insist on. Would you say a woman rape survivor was "sexually abused", or raped? Is it insulting to her if you say "sexually abused"? What about to little boys? Why not give them the same respect?
Many Penn State students were worried more about how the Sandusky case would affect their first job salary than about the survivors.
Does this mean that worsening climate change causes PTSD? You be the judge.
Start with this premise. What do climate change and trauma (rape, battered women, drive by shooting victims and more) have in common? Much more than you think. Also, a lot that the corporate MSM will never touch. So I will.
The basic idea in climate change is that CO2 is trapped for a long time in the atmosphere and raises the temperature. This leads to weather patterns such as mega hurricanes, typhoons, blizzards and tornadoes. Like in any issue that involves money and power, those with the money and power will do literally anything to keep their money and power. These corporate CEO's (since a corporation is a "person", is the CEO the parent?) publically say climate change is a a scam. Privately, do they say the same thing? Hopefully at least one doesn't. Then again, what's their first responsibility? Profit for themselves and their shareholders? Or, doing the morally responsible things to stop climate change?
Why don't people deal with it? They deny it exists. There's nothing I can do about it since the political system is permenantly broken. If I say it's true, I'll get fired because I work in a "right-to-work" state.
They choose to keep their mouth shut.
Now, trauma. Nobody wants to publically admit this. But women and men get raped. They didn't ask for this. They didn't ask for pain, humiliation and being treated many times like dirt when they try to get help. What do they hear? It's your problem, you fix it. Now go away. We don't want you here.
Again, out of sight, of mind. If the problem isn't there, you can go back your reality TV show, pizza and Bud Lights.
Astounding but true. Before the Sandusky case broke, how many times did you hear about people in authority raping the shit of innocent kids?
Take thirty seconds and please reread the last sentence.
The only time you'd hear about it is during ratings sweep periods when the rule is if it leads, it bleeds. Sex, violence, celeb gossip. The more the better. We are running a business, ya know.
These are both political footballs to get many politicians re-elected. Or, to maintain their current money and powerful status. Have you EVER seen a guy rape survivor testifying before a Congressional Committee on rape? I haven't. Why? Is it because we just don't talk about things like that? Is it because lots of idiotic stereotypes come to mind if we do?
Fact. There are lots of gay men and women serving in the military. Since many straight women are getting raped, it only makes sense that many men (both straight and gay) are also getting raped. But because the number is "so small", nobody gives a shit. So again, just piss off and go away?
Sad but true. Not all but many care more about profit than doing the right thing. Penn State cares more about profit than helping rape survivors. NOTE: If you really want to help them, first start by not insulting them by saying "sex abuse". That may be some legalese that attorneys insist on. Would you say a woman rape survivor was "sexually abused", or raped? Is it insulting to her if you say "sexually abused"? What about to little boys? Why not give them the same respect?
Many Penn State students were worried more about how the Sandusky case would affect their first job salary than about the survivors.
Does this mean that worsening climate change causes PTSD? You be the judge.
Share This Everywhere You Can
It is Friday (going west from Sydney). We are a 24/7 blog. Which means think globally.
Thanks to our growing audience in almost all 50 states and 45 countries. Please share this everywhere you can. The corporate MSM won't touch us. Which means beat them at their own game.
Every morning we have to fight to focus and not dissociate. We haven't been on any meds for over two years now. Despite that, it's like you have to focus and almost scream to wake up (if that makes sense). Then as you have breakfast, you still have to focus to feel awake. Take a shower and lots of vigorous massage. I can't scientifically prove it. But in my case, not having literally any reassuring contact to try and deal with trauma leaves you feeling empty due to lack of contact. Massage in a sense at times seems to help restore some of that.
Then, fight to not dissociate all day long. We used to use lots of the wrong meds, which only made things worse. You look cool and calm on the outside. On the inside, you're this close to killing someone. Now, do that every day non-stop for years, and feel like you're never going to get help or any reassurance at all.
How would you cope with that?
Anger lashes out, and we feel like we're going to snap in two. It's like a non-stop MMA fight all day long. Then, you're so wiped out you literally can't move. Do you then give in and have lots of stuff with sugar which you know is bad for you? If not, what else do you do? I can't sit back and do nothing. That doesn't work.
You feel robbed at times and wonder will you black out? You scream and don't want to dissociate. You don't want to disappear and wonder if you'll ever come back. It's like facing a million choices every day. Not the normal daily ones, but constantly saying do I go this way and dissociate? Or, do I go the opposite way and see what happens? As much as possible, we're going the other way.
This also means throwing out lots of triggering material. It also means screening everything. If you don't, it can sometimes take us two weeks to get our sense of balance back. What are all of the underlying reasons for that? The only one we can think of is that it's because our symptoms have been that severe and untreated for that long.
Meanwhile, it's literally not safe to look at any news today. Nothing except sports scores and some business. Nothing else. American talk radio is out of the question. Frankly, almost all of it is sick. All that matters is ratings. If you don't like it, piss off and go somewhere else. Is anybody MAKING you listen? No. Then why are you bitching?
Which in a way is one reason why I started this blog. Now, thanks to quality content and word-of-mouth advertising, it's picking up. We never intentionally trigger anybody. However, there's also no point in recycling what some government agency or think tank puts out in their "official studies about trauma".
Part of this is facing it head on in the most non-threatening way possible. We have no desire to be a professional patient. Instead, we just want some sense of balance.
Thanks to our growing audience in almost all 50 states and 45 countries. Please share this everywhere you can. The corporate MSM won't touch us. Which means beat them at their own game.
Every morning we have to fight to focus and not dissociate. We haven't been on any meds for over two years now. Despite that, it's like you have to focus and almost scream to wake up (if that makes sense). Then as you have breakfast, you still have to focus to feel awake. Take a shower and lots of vigorous massage. I can't scientifically prove it. But in my case, not having literally any reassuring contact to try and deal with trauma leaves you feeling empty due to lack of contact. Massage in a sense at times seems to help restore some of that.
Then, fight to not dissociate all day long. We used to use lots of the wrong meds, which only made things worse. You look cool and calm on the outside. On the inside, you're this close to killing someone. Now, do that every day non-stop for years, and feel like you're never going to get help or any reassurance at all.
How would you cope with that?
Anger lashes out, and we feel like we're going to snap in two. It's like a non-stop MMA fight all day long. Then, you're so wiped out you literally can't move. Do you then give in and have lots of stuff with sugar which you know is bad for you? If not, what else do you do? I can't sit back and do nothing. That doesn't work.
You feel robbed at times and wonder will you black out? You scream and don't want to dissociate. You don't want to disappear and wonder if you'll ever come back. It's like facing a million choices every day. Not the normal daily ones, but constantly saying do I go this way and dissociate? Or, do I go the opposite way and see what happens? As much as possible, we're going the other way.
This also means throwing out lots of triggering material. It also means screening everything. If you don't, it can sometimes take us two weeks to get our sense of balance back. What are all of the underlying reasons for that? The only one we can think of is that it's because our symptoms have been that severe and untreated for that long.
Meanwhile, it's literally not safe to look at any news today. Nothing except sports scores and some business. Nothing else. American talk radio is out of the question. Frankly, almost all of it is sick. All that matters is ratings. If you don't like it, piss off and go somewhere else. Is anybody MAKING you listen? No. Then why are you bitching?
Which in a way is one reason why I started this blog. Now, thanks to quality content and word-of-mouth advertising, it's picking up. We never intentionally trigger anybody. However, there's also no point in recycling what some government agency or think tank puts out in their "official studies about trauma".
Part of this is facing it head on in the most non-threatening way possible. We have no desire to be a professional patient. Instead, we just want some sense of balance.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Fighting to Not Dissociate(Contains graphic content. Read at your own risk)
Staying home tonight, and trying not to black out. Anger comes lashing out, and we feel like we're going to literally snap. You try not to black out. Then, you're so tired so literally can't move. Everybody says it has to come out, and it does. We're just trying to keep some sense of balance.
Flashbacks still happen. You're too terrified to move. Getting raped and horrible anal pain and pain all over. No else is listening, and no one will save you. It doesn't matter that it's a flashback or a lucid dream IN THE SENSE that the body memory is still there. If we don't fight back, we feel like we'll literally fall apart. Will anyone save us then?
I don't know about other's cases. If you haven't received the help or compensation that you deserve, I sorry for that. In my case, I've never received any "victim compensation". I've also only had 1 person actually hug me and say I'm sorry you were raped. What kind of effect does that have on someone? If you know, please let me know.
Flashbacks still happen. You're too terrified to move. Getting raped and horrible anal pain and pain all over. No else is listening, and no one will save you. It doesn't matter that it's a flashback or a lucid dream IN THE SENSE that the body memory is still there. If we don't fight back, we feel like we'll literally fall apart. Will anyone save us then?
I don't know about other's cases. If you haven't received the help or compensation that you deserve, I sorry for that. In my case, I've never received any "victim compensation". I've also only had 1 person actually hug me and say I'm sorry you were raped. What kind of effect does that have on someone? If you know, please let me know.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
What Else Can You Do?
Today, it's lots of covering bases. Try to keep your emotional balance as best you can.
Anger is still there. We still have to fight to get it out past a stuck fight-or-fight mechanism. It's like
you have to push to get past a barrier. Then, some temporary relief. Then, it's the same thing all over again.
Now, do that about 100 times a day, AND everything else you have to do.
We can't just sit back and do nothing. When you need to, take breaks and turn everything off. Flashbacks come out of nowhere, and at times we don't know where we are. When you're in a crowded place and trying not to snap, will we black out? What happens then? Will one of my multiples lash out, and then I have no idea what happened? That concern is still there.
I have no death wish. I have no desire to attack anybody else or kill them. Why then do I have this "just shut up and die because nobody gives a shit about you anyway" loop that goes on all the time?
If you don't fight your way out of it, you feel like an empty shell. The world then beats you down, which makes it even worse.
I can't sit back and do nothing. I can't afford to go to a therapist in person. What else can I do?
Anger is still there. We still have to fight to get it out past a stuck fight-or-fight mechanism. It's like
you have to push to get past a barrier. Then, some temporary relief. Then, it's the same thing all over again.
Now, do that about 100 times a day, AND everything else you have to do.
We can't just sit back and do nothing. When you need to, take breaks and turn everything off. Flashbacks come out of nowhere, and at times we don't know where we are. When you're in a crowded place and trying not to snap, will we black out? What happens then? Will one of my multiples lash out, and then I have no idea what happened? That concern is still there.
I have no death wish. I have no desire to attack anybody else or kill them. Why then do I have this "just shut up and die because nobody gives a shit about you anyway" loop that goes on all the time?
If you don't fight your way out of it, you feel like an empty shell. The world then beats you down, which makes it even worse.
I can't sit back and do nothing. I can't afford to go to a therapist in person. What else can I do?
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
The Birthday Post
Hi. Since today is my birthday, I'm officially off. If Obama calls, I'm not available to save
the world.
Have an excellent day/night/evening in your part of the world.
the world.
Have an excellent day/night/evening in your part of the world.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Everything Feels Empty
Really struglling to keep my balance. Why? It feels like the full terror of trauma is hitting
all at once. You feel empty and try to keep going. Keep you health in balance as you go
along.
Stay away from triggering stuff as much as possible. What are the effects of things on you? Can you have this, or not? It's like you're steps ahead of everyone else. What will people say and do? You're already a day ahead. Am I always right? No. But my percentage is better.
It's hard to find and hold onto positive things. It's rough because it feels like everything is scary
and horrible. Well, almost everything. It's symptoms every day.
You turn everything off, and just want quie. At times, that's tough to have. Then again, you know you're on the right track. On the other, you still feel empty and try to not feel cheated.
We just want some balance.
all at once. You feel empty and try to keep going. Keep you health in balance as you go
along.
Stay away from triggering stuff as much as possible. What are the effects of things on you? Can you have this, or not? It's like you're steps ahead of everyone else. What will people say and do? You're already a day ahead. Am I always right? No. But my percentage is better.
It's hard to find and hold onto positive things. It's rough because it feels like everything is scary
and horrible. Well, almost everything. It's symptoms every day.
You turn everything off, and just want quie. At times, that's tough to have. Then again, you know you're on the right track. On the other, you still feel empty and try to not feel cheated.
We just want some balance.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Does Everything Feel Like a Threat?
Do you have days when you feel like everything and everyone is a threat? You have to plan an escape just in case? Do you carry a weapon with you? At times all of this happens to us. You can't just sit back and do nothing when you have to fight back.
Do Nightmares and Lucid Dreams Still Happen?
We try to keep our balance as best we can. At times though, nightmares and lucid dreams still happen. You fight to survive and feel like nobody will help you. What choice do you have?
Other than two in-person therapists and a tiny number of friends, there's literally been no one else to help us. What are the long term effects of that?
Other than two in-person therapists and a tiny number of friends, there's literally been no one else to help us. What are the long term effects of that?
Screen Everything(Because Nobody Else Will)
Lots of people talk about health care. We all need single payer (the best system overall). They also say that health is a "national security issue".
While we agree about single payer, the rich and powerful continue to say they can have the best. However we can't.
This means (among other things) being proactive about your health. Not perfection. Just balance.
Several times I've had situations happen when someone else has cancer or some other condition. You tell yourself, that won't happen to me.
If your health provider says that holistic treatments are "experimental", keep going with them if you can. I've had better luck with holistic than with traditional doctors. Just one view.
While we agree about single payer, the rich and powerful continue to say they can have the best. However we can't.
This means (among other things) being proactive about your health. Not perfection. Just balance.
Several times I've had situations happen when someone else has cancer or some other condition. You tell yourself, that won't happen to me.
If your health provider says that holistic treatments are "experimental", keep going with them if you can. I've had better luck with holistic than with traditional doctors. Just one view.
A Connection Between Intuition and Your Diet?
Yes there is. Think of it this way. The heathier your system is, the sharper your intuition. That doesn't mean never pig out or have fun. Just pay attention to the effects of things on you.
How Do You Cope?
Time to sit back and write. Stick to boundaries and protect yourself.
Wis all of the anger and frustration coming from? I'm not sure. I do know that you have to face
this head on in the most non-threatening way you can.
You have symptoms. However you're not abnormal.
Wis all of the anger and frustration coming from? I'm not sure. I do know that you have to face
this head on in the most non-threatening way you can.
You have symptoms. However you're not abnormal.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Symptoms Are Still There (Potentially triggering. Read at your own risk)
No noise right now as I'm at home covering a lot online. No triggering stuff. One reason is because
our symptoms are really out there.
The smallest triggering stuff means violent flashbacks and lucid dreams. Body memory. It feels like you can't turn it off. If you try to at times, will you ever get out of that destructive loop? You feel paralyzed. What do you do now? It feels like everything is flooding out all at once.
Screen everything and do everything else you have to in the day. How do you cope with it all?
our symptoms are really out there.
The smallest triggering stuff means violent flashbacks and lucid dreams. Body memory. It feels like you can't turn it off. If you try to at times, will you ever get out of that destructive loop? You feel paralyzed. What do you do now? It feels like everything is flooding out all at once.
Screen everything and do everything else you have to in the day. How do you cope with it all?
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Turn Everything Off (if Necessary)
Right now, staying in tonight. And no noise. Triggering stuff is everywhere. I just want some quiet.
What's the Point?
The Republicans passed the Repeal Obama Care resolution. Everyone knows the Senate will never vote for it and Obama will never sign it. Yet, the Democrats are STILL wasting time with why it will never be repealed when everyone already knows that.
How much do these people get paid?
How much do these people get paid?
The Effects of Things on You
Just like sugar affects diabetics, sugar affects PTSD survivors. I really have to pay attention to the effects of chemicals on my system. Am I sensitive to EVERYTHING? It seems like the tiniest amount of stimulants sets off symptoms. You also don't want to be stuck in a no-fun lifestyle. What do you do?
Water and lemon juice seem to be two of the best things in your diet to help you cope. The right kind of unsweetened tea also helps. Not the ultra-acidic type that maybe your local store sells. You can get decent brands for decent prices. You just have to know where to look.
I still feel like I'm getting bombarded with symptoms every day. It like your body's memory is screaming to be heard. You scream and fight to not black out. At the end of the day, you're so wiped out you're really tempted to just give in and get a 96 oz. sweet drink and Big ______ set so you feel like you have energy again. Maybe this is one part of their global corporate strategy to target customer niches?
I can't afford to go to a live therapist right now. What else can I do?
Water and lemon juice seem to be two of the best things in your diet to help you cope. The right kind of unsweetened tea also helps. Not the ultra-acidic type that maybe your local store sells. You can get decent brands for decent prices. You just have to know where to look.
I still feel like I'm getting bombarded with symptoms every day. It like your body's memory is screaming to be heard. You scream and fight to not black out. At the end of the day, you're so wiped out you're really tempted to just give in and get a 96 oz. sweet drink and Big ______ set so you feel like you have energy again. Maybe this is one part of their global corporate strategy to target customer niches?
I can't afford to go to a live therapist right now. What else can I do?
What Does the Repeal Obama Care Vote Mean?
The House just voted to repeal Obama Care. For anyone who's not sure what that means exactly, it's easy to summarize.
It means nothing at all. It's just the Republicans trying to destroy Obama by stopping literally everything he tries to do. The "election" in November is the world's most expensive ad campaign. Estimates are it will cost between $3 to $4 billion.
In most other countries, this would be a problem. However, in the States, it's considered literally "good business". The way "business" is done. You get the idea.
It means nothing at all. It's just the Republicans trying to destroy Obama by stopping literally everything he tries to do. The "election" in November is the world's most expensive ad campaign. Estimates are it will cost between $3 to $4 billion.
In most other countries, this would be a problem. However, in the States, it's considered literally "good business". The way "business" is done. You get the idea.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
You Be the Judge
Is health care a basic human right? Or, a money machine to be politically manipulated?
Coping with Dissociating (or trying to)
Every day, it feels like and endless battle to not dissociate. We try to focus our energy in the morning to feel some sense of balance. Yet all day long we have to keep fighting to not slip. Laying off sugar as much as possible helps somewhat. However, that fight is still there.
What the Mainstream (and Alternative) Media Won't Tell You About Health Care
Time to break our rule about "no progressive political content". If you don't like that, blame Congress, not us.
As I write this, I'm watching the neocons in Congress try for the 31st time to kill Obama's health care law. We all know that there are many other things that they could actually be doing that would accomplish something. Yet, what's important usually doesn't matter.
Excuse me if this is restating the obvious. But I'll keep going.
What's the number one reason to try and repeal this health care law? We must stop Obama at all costs. We would use the N word if we could. However, if we did that our career's over. Besides, do you really think we want to give up our perks and government health care (which is essentially universal health care)? Instead, we'll use coded racism which means we can do whatever we want.
Meanwhile the Democrats (while trying to stay one up on the neocons in the pr battle) are actually causing problems as well. If you really believe that health care reform is necessary, then why not have single payer? It can be done right now and would expand much of the current system in a good way.
Now the excuses:
It's not "politically feasible" at this time. Oh really? Then when is it?
Blame the neocons for blocking everything we do.
We must re-elect Obama at all costs. That comes first before anything else.
We must spend all the money necessary to do this.
Obama must never look "weak" to the public. Especially, he can never be seen as a
weak person of color.
Why do many provisions in this law start in 2014? To gurantee that Obama would get re-elected.
Why else?
Do you seriously expect me to give up the millions I get from the drug and health coverage firms for my campaigns?
Which means that only two things matter. Money and power.
Many people in Congress are multimillionaires (from roughly $20 to $300 million). Some have dramatically increased their portfolios thanks to insider trading. Sometimes on drug and health coverage information.
Between now and 2014, more people will die due to lack of health coverage. Due to no fault of their own.
Take 30 seconds and please re-read the last sentence.
The Powers that Be don't care. Endlessly throwing out soundbites and slogans is frankly boring. Are any of these politicians losing any sleep over people that die due to lack of health care? I seriously doubt it. If you don't have health coverage, that's YOUR problem. IF you die from that, screw it. Nobody cares. Nobody's going to do any prime time network specials showing what happened to these people. Showing racist and homophobic morons like Ron Paul saying f**k yeah, let them die at the side of the road in endless clips does what?
This is a propaganda battle for money and power. Nothing more.
As I write this, I'm watching the neocons in Congress try for the 31st time to kill Obama's health care law. We all know that there are many other things that they could actually be doing that would accomplish something. Yet, what's important usually doesn't matter.
Excuse me if this is restating the obvious. But I'll keep going.
What's the number one reason to try and repeal this health care law? We must stop Obama at all costs. We would use the N word if we could. However, if we did that our career's over. Besides, do you really think we want to give up our perks and government health care (which is essentially universal health care)? Instead, we'll use coded racism which means we can do whatever we want.
Meanwhile the Democrats (while trying to stay one up on the neocons in the pr battle) are actually causing problems as well. If you really believe that health care reform is necessary, then why not have single payer? It can be done right now and would expand much of the current system in a good way.
Now the excuses:
It's not "politically feasible" at this time. Oh really? Then when is it?
Blame the neocons for blocking everything we do.
We must re-elect Obama at all costs. That comes first before anything else.
We must spend all the money necessary to do this.
Obama must never look "weak" to the public. Especially, he can never be seen as a
weak person of color.
Why do many provisions in this law start in 2014? To gurantee that Obama would get re-elected.
Why else?
Do you seriously expect me to give up the millions I get from the drug and health coverage firms for my campaigns?
Which means that only two things matter. Money and power.
Many people in Congress are multimillionaires (from roughly $20 to $300 million). Some have dramatically increased their portfolios thanks to insider trading. Sometimes on drug and health coverage information.
Between now and 2014, more people will die due to lack of health coverage. Due to no fault of their own.
Take 30 seconds and please re-read the last sentence.
The Powers that Be don't care. Endlessly throwing out soundbites and slogans is frankly boring. Are any of these politicians losing any sleep over people that die due to lack of health care? I seriously doubt it. If you don't have health coverage, that's YOUR problem. IF you die from that, screw it. Nobody cares. Nobody's going to do any prime time network specials showing what happened to these people. Showing racist and homophobic morons like Ron Paul saying f**k yeah, let them die at the side of the road in endless clips does what?
This is a propaganda battle for money and power. Nothing more.
No Sugar and what else?
Another day so far of screening everything. In a sense, it's kind of nice at times to just see a picture with no triggering soundtrack. Sometimes, not.
Either way, we're just really trying to keep our balance. We still fight and scream to not dissociate. On the other hand, we can't just sit back and do nothing. We feel like we're going to snap.
Do you feel like you're 5 steps ahead of everyone else? Our intuition makes us feel like what's the point of looking? Not always but many times we have a feeling and we're right.
We just want a sense of balance.
Either way, we're just really trying to keep our balance. We still fight and scream to not dissociate. On the other hand, we can't just sit back and do nothing. We feel like we're going to snap.
Do you feel like you're 5 steps ahead of everyone else? Our intuition makes us feel like what's the point of looking? Not always but many times we have a feeling and we're right.
We just want a sense of balance.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Dissociating
Fighting really hard to not dissociate. You set boundaries and screen everything to protect yourself from triggering content. However, it's still there.
Try to ground yourself. Hold onto solid things in the space around you. It still happens, though.
Try to ground yourself. Hold onto solid things in the space around you. It still happens, though.
Holistic Health Stuff to Link To
Outside, rainy and cool. Inside, no noise. No news about celeb gossip, death, destruction and all the rest of it. Just sit back, write and focus on healing.
You can't just sit back and go with your feelings (at least in our case). This means that in fighting symptoms you feel totally drained. Part of it has to do with your diet. With that in mind, here are some ideas to hopefully help you cope in your healing. As a favor to me, please link to this from everywhere you can.
Is refined sugar the same as natural sugar?- In my opinion, not always. The only sources of natural sugar that seem to be okay are things like oranges. Anything else doesn't work.
Is it possible to eat without sugar? With some planning, yes it is. What percentage of stuff in a store doesn't have sugar? Maybe 20 percent.
Do things like sugar, chemicals and various drugs act as stimulants? Yes they do. A can of soda could have as much as 300 packets of sugar in it. Caffeine is a drug. Why do many people love to eat lots of salsa? Because they're sugar addicts (roughly 12 packets of sugar in one tablespoon).
Do these things make symptoms worse? Yes they do.
How do you keep a good ph balance? Pay attention to the effects of things on you. Everybody's different.
What's an advantage of cutting out sugar? You'll save lots of money on groceries. In my case, I could save close to 50% a week.
What does sugar affect in your body?:
Your immune system
Your adrenal gland
Your cortisol level
Various symptoms (ADD, ADHD, PTSD, OCD) and others
I'm just speaking from personal experience. If you disagree, feel free to comment. However, please don't post spam comments or just obviously biased "studies" from wherever. That's a waste of time.
Enjoy your day.
You can't just sit back and go with your feelings (at least in our case). This means that in fighting symptoms you feel totally drained. Part of it has to do with your diet. With that in mind, here are some ideas to hopefully help you cope in your healing. As a favor to me, please link to this from everywhere you can.
Is refined sugar the same as natural sugar?- In my opinion, not always. The only sources of natural sugar that seem to be okay are things like oranges. Anything else doesn't work.
Is it possible to eat without sugar? With some planning, yes it is. What percentage of stuff in a store doesn't have sugar? Maybe 20 percent.
Do things like sugar, chemicals and various drugs act as stimulants? Yes they do. A can of soda could have as much as 300 packets of sugar in it. Caffeine is a drug. Why do many people love to eat lots of salsa? Because they're sugar addicts (roughly 12 packets of sugar in one tablespoon).
Do these things make symptoms worse? Yes they do.
How do you keep a good ph balance? Pay attention to the effects of things on you. Everybody's different.
What's an advantage of cutting out sugar? You'll save lots of money on groceries. In my case, I could save close to 50% a week.
What does sugar affect in your body?:
Your immune system
Your adrenal gland
Your cortisol level
Various symptoms (ADD, ADHD, PTSD, OCD) and others
I'm just speaking from personal experience. If you disagree, feel free to comment. However, please don't post spam comments or just obviously biased "studies" from wherever. That's a waste of time.
Enjoy your day.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
It Has Nothing to Do With Global Warming
More heat records to be broken today, and it has nothing to do with global warming.
Right now, it's how do we get thru the next twenty seconds? Really try to pay attention to the effects of things on you. Set boundaries to protect yourself. We still feel like we're about six steps ahead of everybody else. Which means turn off lots of stuff and do something else.
Anger is still there. We still have to fight to focus and not dissociate and then black out. How do you do that and not feel totally wiped out by the end of the day? If you have something that helps, please let us know.
Right now, it's how do we get thru the next twenty seconds? Really try to pay attention to the effects of things on you. Set boundaries to protect yourself. We still feel like we're about six steps ahead of everybody else. Which means turn off lots of stuff and do something else.
Anger is still there. We still have to fight to focus and not dissociate and then black out. How do you do that and not feel totally wiped out by the end of the day? If you have something that helps, please let us know.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Enjoying Your Fourth?
Happy Fourth of July wherever you are in the world. Still some fireworks in the neighborhood. Watch from the comfort of your own home with your favorite snacks.
Whether you're a trauma survivor or know someone who is, think for a moment about dealing with that. You didn't ask for it. Saying just pull yourself up by your _____ and get on with it is like saying just say no to drugs. It doesn't work, because emotions aren't a light switch.
If the States is the greatest country in the world, then why are the military suicide and rape rates so high? Why does the military believe it's more cost efficient to send a traumitized soldier back into the field (who's usually on meds)?
What's the point here? Think about the effects of things on you. What you eat, drink, watch and read. Trauma survivors want to be heard and taken seriously. Is that too much to ask?
Whether you're a trauma survivor or know someone who is, think for a moment about dealing with that. You didn't ask for it. Saying just pull yourself up by your _____ and get on with it is like saying just say no to drugs. It doesn't work, because emotions aren't a light switch.
If the States is the greatest country in the world, then why are the military suicide and rape rates so high? Why does the military believe it's more cost efficient to send a traumitized soldier back into the field (who's usually on meds)?
What's the point here? Think about the effects of things on you. What you eat, drink, watch and read. Trauma survivors want to be heard and taken seriously. Is that too much to ask?
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
A Break
Enough job hunting for today. Time for some latenight writing and then kick back on the balcony with some tea.
Emptiness is still there. You feel paralyzed and don't know what to do. We still take breaks and at times just turn everything off. Flashbacks and violent lucid dreams still happen. We try to ground ourselves, but it's really draining. On the other hand, you can't just sit back and do nothing.
Do you still scream at night and don't know where you are? Nightmares still happen. Usually you try and just focus and get some sense of balance back. Then, sometimes you can't go back to sleep. Everything feels black. Breakfast at 2 a.m.?
Gradual reconditioning to overcome triggering stuff doesn't work. This means either throw it out, or if you can make some money off it, keep it.
Sadness is still there as well. When that happens, I just try to reassure my little kid and multiples that it will be okay. However, it's really draining.
Emptiness is still there. You feel paralyzed and don't know what to do. We still take breaks and at times just turn everything off. Flashbacks and violent lucid dreams still happen. We try to ground ourselves, but it's really draining. On the other hand, you can't just sit back and do nothing.
Do you still scream at night and don't know where you are? Nightmares still happen. Usually you try and just focus and get some sense of balance back. Then, sometimes you can't go back to sleep. Everything feels black. Breakfast at 2 a.m.?
Gradual reconditioning to overcome triggering stuff doesn't work. This means either throw it out, or if you can make some money off it, keep it.
Sadness is still there as well. When that happens, I just try to reassure my little kid and multiples that it will be okay. However, it's really draining.
Monday, July 2, 2012
What Else Can You Do?
Fighting to keep our focus and to not dissociate. Triggering stuff is everywhere. This means setting boundaries and really paying attention to the effects of things on you.
The despair of symptoms is still there. Do you feel at times like you're about 20 steps back from where you are now? It's more than just the normal ups and downs. On the other hand, facing things head on is the best way to go.
We fight to not black out. Am I going to have a heart attack? If you don't get the anger out, you'll get eaten alive by anger, frustration and other stuff. If you do, will you lose track of where you are? It feels like almost no one will listen. Which means you have to do all of this yourself?
Despite all of this, we know that we're on the right track. It's just really exhausting.
The despair of symptoms is still there. Do you feel at times like you're about 20 steps back from where you are now? It's more than just the normal ups and downs. On the other hand, facing things head on is the best way to go.
We fight to not black out. Am I going to have a heart attack? If you don't get the anger out, you'll get eaten alive by anger, frustration and other stuff. If you do, will you lose track of where you are? It feels like almost no one will listen. Which means you have to do all of this yourself?
Despite all of this, we know that we're on the right track. It's just really exhausting.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Really Strong Content that Might be Triggering. Read at your own risk.
Time for some latenight thoughts. If you know what's happening on Monday, don't spoil it for the rest of us.
Intuition and lots of symptoms are hitting hard at various times. Do you have the feeling that you're the only one who knows everything that's going on? Who's doing what, who's lying and what's going to happen next? I'm not always right. However, my prediction percentage is better.
The tough part of that? Feeling like nobody else can be bothered to listen. You feel like you're taking on everyone else's trauma all at the same time. You can't save the world. On the other hand, it's hard at times to turn that off.
Flashbacks happen and it feels like jumpcuts. Something comes out of nowhere, and you have to fight to keep some sense of balance. Do you know where you are? Sometimes the usual grounding technqiues don't work. What do you do then? There's anger, frustration and fighting the terrifying feeling on not wanting to be cheated. Yes you know it's not your fault. On the other hand, you can't force others to understand about trauma. What do you say when some powerful well-known people are basically saying I wish people would shut the fuck up about this sex abuse shit. People are SO sick of it.
Next questions:
Do you realize what you just said?
Are you an actual human being with a pulse and emotions?
Why are you on the air making $______ million dollars a year?
If you were raped, how would YOU feel if you heard this?
What would happen if instead of using the polite-at-dinner-time phrase of "sex abuse", call it what it is? Pedophiles raping the shit out of innocent little kids. Would the world come to an end if somebody actually said that? Would the FCC fine somebody for telling the truth? Or is that "objectionable content"?
One common bond for all trauma survivors? They want to be heard non-judgementally. Not to be used to get re-elected, make money off of or get killer ratings. It's called treating somebody with respect.
Time to break our "never talk about progressive politics" rule UNLESS it helps to make a point. What if Assange's accusers are not CIA operatives who lured him into a honey trap to then force him to be extradited to the States? What if they're telling the truth about being raped? Legal semantics aside, have you heard one person on the MSM bring up this point? Almost everything I'm hearing is set aside the "side issues" in this case and focus on his freedom. Right. This means once again rape survivors (who are both women and men) won't get their chance to be heard. Then again, boring stuff like this doesn't trend well on Twitter. So who cares?
Blunder #2. Assange says that the Madeline McCann case getting way more global coverage than his case is an "outrage". And he wonders why millions aren't marching in the streets for his freedom.
Human beings just want to be heard. If the Powers that Be won't listen, I'll keep this going.
Intuition and lots of symptoms are hitting hard at various times. Do you have the feeling that you're the only one who knows everything that's going on? Who's doing what, who's lying and what's going to happen next? I'm not always right. However, my prediction percentage is better.
The tough part of that? Feeling like nobody else can be bothered to listen. You feel like you're taking on everyone else's trauma all at the same time. You can't save the world. On the other hand, it's hard at times to turn that off.
Flashbacks happen and it feels like jumpcuts. Something comes out of nowhere, and you have to fight to keep some sense of balance. Do you know where you are? Sometimes the usual grounding technqiues don't work. What do you do then? There's anger, frustration and fighting the terrifying feeling on not wanting to be cheated. Yes you know it's not your fault. On the other hand, you can't force others to understand about trauma. What do you say when some powerful well-known people are basically saying I wish people would shut the fuck up about this sex abuse shit. People are SO sick of it.
Next questions:
Do you realize what you just said?
Are you an actual human being with a pulse and emotions?
Why are you on the air making $______ million dollars a year?
If you were raped, how would YOU feel if you heard this?
What would happen if instead of using the polite-at-dinner-time phrase of "sex abuse", call it what it is? Pedophiles raping the shit out of innocent little kids. Would the world come to an end if somebody actually said that? Would the FCC fine somebody for telling the truth? Or is that "objectionable content"?
One common bond for all trauma survivors? They want to be heard non-judgementally. Not to be used to get re-elected, make money off of or get killer ratings. It's called treating somebody with respect.
Time to break our "never talk about progressive politics" rule UNLESS it helps to make a point. What if Assange's accusers are not CIA operatives who lured him into a honey trap to then force him to be extradited to the States? What if they're telling the truth about being raped? Legal semantics aside, have you heard one person on the MSM bring up this point? Almost everything I'm hearing is set aside the "side issues" in this case and focus on his freedom. Right. This means once again rape survivors (who are both women and men) won't get their chance to be heard. Then again, boring stuff like this doesn't trend well on Twitter. So who cares?
Blunder #2. Assange says that the Madeline McCann case getting way more global coverage than his case is an "outrage". And he wonders why millions aren't marching in the streets for his freedom.
Human beings just want to be heard. If the Powers that Be won't listen, I'll keep this going.
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