Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Endless Despair(Contains potenitally triggering content. Read at your own risk)

We're still trying to cut out sugar in the diet as much as possible. A lot of evidence shows that sugar affects your body medically like doing coke. It stimulates pleasure centers in your brain, which means more means you want to do more. We're almost down to none for three days now.

The good news? It lowers your chance of:

heart disease
early onset of Parkinsons, Alzheimers and more
your PTSD symptoms getting worse

The bad news? A feeling of emptiness and severe depression. Many times, you don't know what to do. At times you just sit and almost feel paralyzed. You don't want to give them the satisfaction of hurting yourself (or anyone else). Despite that, it's always there.

I won't go back to medication because the last doctor I dealt with was a joke. Your doctor laughs in your face and says, who's the doctor here? I decide what meds you take and what you don't. Just shut up and do as you're told.

And some people wonder why the Stateside "health care system" is so messed up.

We're taking things in 5 second increments. How do I get from here to here? How do I go from my desk to the kitchen? What's my escape plan if I'm in a crowded place and hyperawareness happens? On minute there's some clarity. Then, feeling like you don't exist.

Do you feel abandoned? I do. You can't make anyone else understand about trauma. On the other hand, human beings aren't light switches. You get raped and then say, right. No time for normal human emotions. Get on with it.

Your tip for the day. The cleaner your system is, the sharper your intuition. Also, the more backed up trauma will come out.

It feels like there's no break to the despair.

No comments: