Lots of bases to cover today. Will the mail show up? We'll see.
In the meantime, there are still lots of ups and downs. One minute, we feel like there's some clarity. You can focus for at least 30 seconds without dissociating. Then, suicidal despair. We'll never act on that. However, it's important to admit that it is there (versus denial).
Every source that we trust all say the same thing. It's horrible what's happening. On the other hand, it's not abnormal in any way. Everybody's different. There's no instant cure for trauma, regardless of what the source is. I just try to keep that in mind in those moments when you feel literally paralyzed.
You go driving down the street, and seeing a little kid with their mom means flashbacks. How come they have what seems to be happiness, and I didn't? How come I can't have that?
Then how come I never did?
Other questions come to mind. I don't have the answers. On the other hand, I try to keep my sense of emotional balance as best I can. This means trying to face all of this head on. Otherwise, it will come out in lots of bad ways.
This afternoon, all music and no news.