It's Friday. Also, lots of anger, frustration and trying hard not to snap. Have an escape plan just in case hyperawareness happens. How do you get out of this without attacking someone else? You feel like you're going to snap in two.
Hyperawareness is still there. We feel like we're about 5 steps ahead. If everyone else would just listen to us, all of these problems would be solved. Then again, it's not my job to save the world. Your protection comes first. Why? Because nobody else will do it for you.
We don't want to feel burned out and cynical forever. On the other hand, at times we feel like see everything happening, and nobody else does. If we know everything that will happen and what the responses will be, why look at it? An incredible time saver?
Emptiness is there, and it feels many times like you're one step above killing yourself. This DOESN'T mean that we would do that. It's just important to face the fact that that despair is there.
Do you feel like you have to cure yourself? You didn't ask to be raped. Now, no one can be bothered to help you. Which means it's YOUR job to fix it?
We don't want to feel cheated. Which means try to maintain some sense of balance. Not zen perfection. But some calm. However, as you do that, the anger and all the rest of it is there.
You have to protect yourself. Offline and on. Unfortunately, nobody else will do it for you. How do you do that? Don't leave any obvious clues that be used to out you. Nobody should be forced to out themselves, no matter what the underlying trauma is.
When flashbacks happen, does grounding yourself help? We try to be aware of things in the space around you. Walk around with something in your hand for a while. Have different sources of non-threatening stimulus to help you focus.
Maybe one of the most important things? Keep in mind it's not your fault. When many people talk about rape survivors, we hear the same thing. Women are generally more willing to talk about it. Many guys won't.
Why? Who knows. It could be a wide range of things. Does this mean that guys are someone how less than women survivors? No. Just in my case, it helps to speak out. I've tried to thru a wide range of well-known sources. 99% of the time, no one cared. Then I said, fine. I'll start my own outlet. Now, we have readers all over the States and in almost 40 countries. With NO budget.
How many media outlets can say THAT?
Have a nice day.