Friday, September 14, 2012

Graphic Pain (Contains potentially extremely triggering content. Read at your own risk)

It's a mixed bag today. It's Friday. Got a job call back, but it's for a bi-lingual position (and I'm not). More possible interviews tomorrow. Still no sign of the personal assistant.

Also, horrible pain overall from being raped. Like lots of trauma survivors, you try to cope in different ways. In my case? Various drugs, junk food, soft core porn and for a short time, hookers. However, none of that helped. Finally, you hit rock bottom and say, this isn't working. Now, the good news is that I don't do any of that anymore. Occasionally a nice snack. But nothing like I used to.

This means that the healthier you are, the more trauma will come out. At times you literally feel paralyzed. You don't want to kill yourself, because you won't give them the satisfaction. On the other hand, it literally almost hurts to get up and walk across the room. There's nothing physically wrong. Yet, it just won't go away.

Last night had another nightmare where one of the psycho pedophiles snuck up on me in the middle of the night to rape me. We screamed and for a second were paralyzed with fear. Fortunately we woke up in time.

Now, what's next?

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