Friday, September 21, 2012

All At Once

It is Friday. It's also time to just stay in tonight and pay attention to how you feel.

There's lots of anger and frustration. Fight to not dissociate or lose sensation in different parts of your body. Fight the disfunctional "you're _______" loop that you feel like you've been subjected to for a really long time. If you sit back and do nothing, you feel like an empty shell.

Part of it is trying to pay attention to your mind/body connection. Does this mean that horrible trauma scars you for life? No. However, it has to come out and can in everything from pneumonia to heart disease and other ways as well.

You don't want to hurt yourself or anyone else. Yet, you feel like you have to always be on guard.

Do you ever have a day when it doesn't feel like EVERYTHING is triggering? The slightest thing can make you feel like you're losing sensation in different parts of your body. You have to fight to not black out or literally just roll over and die.

There's sadness and emptiness. Somebody's telling you to just shut up and go away. You literally walk out with almost nothing. They shut the door behind you. Then, where do you go? Nobody will listen to you or help you.

On the other hand, you refuse to give them the satisfaction.

That's enough for one night.

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