Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Keeping Some Sense of Control

The longer you stay clean, the more backed up trauma comes out. For the past few days, it's either nightmares or now adrenalin surges. You try to focus and keep some smooth chi flow in your body. However, at times you don't have any feeling in different parts of your body. Right now it takes me about three minutes to put my shoes on. Why? Because I have to focus really hard to keep some sense of focus and sensation in them.

What are all of the reasons for this happening? We're no sure. Having said that, we know we're on the right track in our holistic healing. Almost 6 months now with no caffeine. Maybe the adrenalin surges happen because of stimulant withdrawl? Not sure.

You fight to not black out from dissociating. Anger is also tough to not give into. What keep sme from attacking everybody who gets in my way? Aside form jail time, also not wanting to sink down to someone else's disfunctional level.

It's all connected.

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