Since there are millions of trauma survivors, this means that each one has their own history and story. Everyone heals at different rates and uses their own approach to try and do just that.
In our case, we still struggle with nightmares, body pain and other symptoms. Meditation helps to a certain extent. But the symptoms are still there.
Do you ask questions like why didn't I do more to stop the psycho rapist(s)? How come I didn't fight back, instead of freezing? How come I didn't grab the closest weapon and kill all three of them? Like many parts of healing, you ask the question: do these thoughts ever go away?
It's not a matter of being a professional patient. It's a matter of trying to face the full reality/terror of your trauma history in the most non-threatening way you can. As we do that, there are moments of feeling abandoned. Is there one other person that doesn't believe that we're their worst nightmare? Sometimes, you're not sure.
You have to fight hard to not dissociate. To not give in and say just kill yourself because nobody gives a f**k anyway. We fight really hard to maintain our well being. Usually at the end of the day, we're totally wiped out. On the other hand, we're not on medication, which is a positive step.
Where's my herbal tea?