Saturday, April 30, 2011

An Early Happy May Day and other stuff

Taking a break for a second from the daily battle against symptoms, an early Happy May Day to all the working masses worldwide. If you're fortunate enough to be really rich, good for you. Also, if you feel like sharing some of your success, you know where to find us.

We still have to screen everything. At times triggering stuff comes out of nowhere, and it's hard to find your balance again. We're also sticking to taking things in tiny sugements. This can at times mean 30 second blocks, but you do what you have to.

My multiples and little kid see to agree that it's more trauma flooding out. It's rough when you feel like the rest of the world could care less. Not everybody's like that. However, mnny have been and continue to be. That's why outside of this blog, we almost never talk about trauma because what's the point? This means that short of a new therapist we do the best we can with other sources.

We still keep a weapon in the room we're in or in our bag when we go out. Not always, but at times we just feel better to know that it's there. Does this fear ever go away? We don't know. Then again, it doesn't matter in the sense you have to protect yourself.

Thanks for the support. We'll stick to our no-ads policy here. In return, we only ask that you link us everywhere you can to LEGITIMATE sources. Please, no Russian Mafia-buy-gold-we-think-Obama-sucks garbage sites. Nobody needs that.

Friday, April 29, 2011

How Much Can You Multi-Task?

A busy Friday with lots of job applications and also looking for a new apt. If the new jobs come thru here and we can stay in the current place, great. But just in case, we want to have as many options as possible. Can we save money by downsizing, or not with $4 a gallon gas coming soon? We want to go back to school. But also, it only makes sense to study something you're happy in (versus being economically trapped and you're forced to do something you're miserable in).

Our fight-or-flight mechanism is still stuck and we have to fight hard to get anger out. At times we feel like we'll black out. On the other hand, if we don't we just feel like a shell and the world is beating you down. Which means we hav no choice.

Just focus on tiny segments and having as many options as possible.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

We're Still Sticking to It

Just for a second. Are you going to watch The Royal Wedding (at roughly 4 a.m. CST in the States)? Probably not. We'll also pass on the wedding cutlery set, t-shirts, coffee mugs and all the rest of it.

How are your symptoms these days? Dissociating and despair are still there. We're covering all the bases and trying to be in the strongest financial position we can. Just in case the new jobs aren't here, have an option to move to. Where is that? We're not sure.

But, we keep going and do our best to keep our balance. Have a good day.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Today is a Extremely High Triggering Day

The Dept. of Homeland Security (DHS) here in the States still has a color coded "terror alert" system. Nobody pays attention to it, but it's there. Here, we have our own Triggering Event Alert system. We don't list all the triggering stuff. But we mention that we think you should protect yourself at all costs.

The underlying theme from those that put this stuff out? We could care less what you think and we'll do it anyway. In that case, we say ok. We'll go elsewhere. This means re-organizing your sources that you use for information and other things. However, it is worth it to change where necessary.

One reason is that odds are nobody else will do this for you. It's hard enough to get someone to take you seriously as a trauma survivor. Why add to that stress by watching all of this triggering stuff? We deserve better.

We still fight flashbacks and dissociating. On rare occasions, hyperawareness is still there. We feel like we're going to snap in two and black out. But we have to fight back or we'll fall apart. Who wants to live like that?

Our suggestion? Don't look at anything today unless you have to. Yes, it's that bad.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Cover Your Bases

We've found some new sources online that seem to be okay to listen to/watch. As for the other ones, we stay away from it.

At times, it's hard to stay grounded and know what's real and what isn't. Is it more untreated trauma flooding out, or something else? Hyperawareness still happens at times. Is the person behind us going to attack us? We still think out ways to stop them.

We have to fight back. At night we're totally exhausted, but what else can we do?

On the other hand, we're facing our trauma head on as best we can.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Change Where Necessary (contains potentially triggering material. Read at your own risk).

Working online tonight with commercial free radio on (the only way to work). We've had more than enough triggering stuff for one day. You do what you have to to protect yourself.

Maybe in a sense it's like first going sober. Now, you have to make choices about many things/people/places that have been second nature. Do you continue with triggering stuff, or not? This can mean building up a whole new network of sources that you trust. We feel like we're having to do more of that at the moment. Because, what's more valuable? Your balance or what somebody else says? This can also help you to pick your battles more effectively on various issues that are important to you.

In our view, think of mind and body as being one thing. If you agree, then triggering stuff can have multiple effects on you. Does this mean that medication is the only way to treat something? While we're not anti-meds, maybe its's not. Consider alternatives that could possibly be more helpful.

At times, we're enjoying the peace and quiet. We're still working on new sources that aren't a threat. That's ok. We have time....

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Adrenalin Surges and More(contains potentially triggering content. Read at your own risk)

It's the weekend, and here's a lot to screen these days. If the Powers that Be won't listen to us, we won't listen to them.

Adrenalin surges are still a problem at times. Exercise seems to help some in getting  that trapped energy out. But the despair, dissociating and other things are still there as well. We're much more aware of the effects of things on us versus just doing them as second nature. How's your awareness?

Do you still have flashbacks? When ours happen, at times we don't know where we are. We hold onto solid things and try the usual grounding techniques. But many times they don't help. What do you do then? Do you feel like you're going to black out? Do you ever pass out from having to fight this all day long and feeling like nobody else can be bothered? We still feel like we have to fight back because if we don't we'll fall apart.

Is that because dissociating has been second nature for so long? Or, is it because of something else?

Your tip for the day. It seems like a lot of progressive sites, blogs and more are essentially recycling much of the same stuff. If you're reasonably well-informed, what's the point? Everyone has the right to their opinion. On the other hand, we have the right to aoid overkill.

If you come across any helpful links to coping with symptoms, please post. NOTE: Please, no spam links (instant PSTD cures, buy gold now, Obama isn't American. You get the idea). All of these will be deleted. Then, you will be banned. No exceptions.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Screen everything

Everywhere you look, it's more triggering stuff that we can't mention here without depressing everybody. What's the answer?

First, protect yourself at all costs. Screen everything. If you don't have to see/watch/read/listen to something, don't. Save time and money. Have more time to do other fun stuff. Lately we've been catching ourselves looking at something online that has been almost second nature. Now it's why are looking at this? Our Evil ISP has bandwidth caps in place. Do we really want to waste that on THIS?

We're also fighting dissociating non-stop. What's the underlying cause? We're not sure. But it's exhausting along with all the other stuff we have to do. Do you still have to fight this?

Trust your intuition. Tip for the day: lay off chemicals as much as possible in your diet and you'll have better intuition. Think of yourself as a radio station trying to pick up signals. Less interfearence means better reception.

Use your online tools as creatively as you can.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Balance is the Key

Another hot and humid day as we get a lot of stuff done. We're also fighting to focus and not black out. It's exhausting and we're really trying to stay off sugar. Too much means your insulin level and other things are all out of balance.

Tiny segments.....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Screen everything

Putting in lots of time online to cover bases with job hunting and other things as well. Normally we don't talk a lot about online security. But today let's do it.

Obviously have up to date security software for viruses and malware. Don't leave any obvious clues online that can be connected and then used to out you. If you don't know where something comes from, don't open it.

Now, maybe the most important point. Can anything be hacked? Yes it can. It depends on your code writing skill, your objective, how creative you are and your timeframe. Security software databases only go so far. Which means that hackers are always slightly ahead of the curve.

This doesn't mean you can't protect yourself. Does this mean constantly scan your hard drive? We scan ours once a day and that seems to work ok. If you want suggestions on packages to use, post a comment.

We still scream and fight to not black out.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Fighting to Focus(Contains potentially triggering content. Read at your own risk).

Another day of screaming and fighting to focus. If you don't, we feel like we'll just fall apart. You feel empty and it's like the world is trying to beat you down into the ground. We rock back and forth and try to focus. But the despair is tough to deal with.

Hold onto something solid. Focus on something in the room or the space that you're in. Then sometimes the flashbacks happen. Somebody's treating you like shit. Somebody's beating on you and you have to fight back.

Does this happen to you?

Monday, April 18, 2011

Feeling Really Drained Right Now

Last night was rough. Almost no sleep at all and dissociating was hard to handle. Is it too much of an acidic diet, or something else? We still have to fight to not black out when anger hits as well. Can't go to a therapist right now, so do the next best thing.

How do you cope with despair? Not always, but many times we don't know where we are. We know we exist, but it feels like you're just taking up space. You feel like you have to literally shock yourself back into some sense of balance. Does this ever go away? We don't know.

Have a good day.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Fighting Back

Flashbacks seem to happen at the worst times. When they do, we try to deep breathe and hold onto something solid to know where we are. At times though, it doesn't help.

Despair still happens as well. Small things take a lot of energy to do. If necessary, we turn everything off and go for a walk. It's the terror of being abandoned and knowing that no one will ever come to listen to you, help you and reassure you in some way.

How do you cope with this?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

How's Your Focus?

Lots of water today seems to help our focus somewhat. We still have to screen everything. But, some stuff needs to be looked at.

Some poeple wonder if PTSD ever goes away. Is it a "mental illness" or an emotional condition? We think of it as an emotional problem. At times we see, read or hear others talking about this or rape survivors in general. Some people and/or media outlets only talk about guy survivors if they can get ratings or profit out of it. Can we get them to get it together and do their job? Probably not. Instead, we say, if you won't do your job then you won't get our time/attention/money.

We still have to fight to focus. At the end of the day we're usually wiped out. Then again, you have to fight back. If you have a better idea, please post a comment.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Keep Your Balance

The snacks today? Peanut butter, chocolate chip cookies and flackseed. Some sugar but also it helps your seratonin level, insulin and other things all at once.

Lots of bases to cover in finding the new jobs and having backups. Just in case, if the jobs aren't here, where do we go next? We're not sure. We're just making sure that we do have a set option to go to if necessary. It's too much to do 50 things in one month. We've been through that many times overseas and it doesn't work.

Our suggestion? Screen everything. Especially anything that has to do with the economy or other world stuff that's happening. If we don't, we still have nightmares. Sometimes triggers happen during the day and it's scary to try and get our focus back.

We can't afford to go back to a therapist at the moment. So it's do the next best thing for now.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A Sunny Kind of Day

How hot can it get? It's not global warming. It's not global warming...

We're drinking more water right now to see if that helps to focus better. Some studies say that if you drink a gallon a day it helps your neurons in your brain to work better. However, anger and a stuck flight-or-fight mechanism is still there.

We scream, we fight to nnot black out. If despair is really bad we hold onto something solid to try and stay grounded. Despite that, at times it's like somebody's trying to beat you down into the ground.

But, what choice do you have but to fight back?

Monday, April 11, 2011

Options Mean Power

How's it looking so far? Welcome to our expanding global audience:
Syosset, N.Y.
Santa Fe

All of our content here is for free. In exchange, we only ask that you link us everywhere you can. Please, no spam links (buy gold now, Ukrainian Mafia, real terrorists and so on).

Lots of triggering stuff everywhere you look. Despite that, we're trying to keep our balance and create as many options as possible. One possibility is going back abroad. We know that there are many places in the world that you can go and be quite happy. It's just a matter of setting it up and then dealing with immigration and the other bureaucracy.

As for symptoms, body memory still happens. Not the psychos that raped us pinning us down. But anal pain and pain in other parts of the body.

Another part of it is despair. No one ever listening or actually being there (despite all the empty "I care about you" soundbites that they put out). At times, we're still not sure about how to deal with that.

Tiny segments at a time....

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Are You Staying Grounded?

We still have to scream when we fight to focus and not black out. It's not just one multiple fighting to be heard. But it's there.

We won't off ourselves. We won't use anything. However, the despair is still there and crippling. Not to the point of you we can't leave the house. It's feeling like the tiniest thing takes an enormous amount of energy to do.

At times, nightmares still happen. It's the terror of standing there and everywhere you look, nobody's there. Nobody will listen, nobody will walk to you and reassure you in any way.

How do you deal with that?

Saturday, April 9, 2011

We're Still Here

The big govt. shutdown didn't happen. Sort of.

It got delayed for one week. A stopgap budget was passed and Obama signed it. Will an actual budget get passed? Who knows.

Instead, we're just focusing on finding the new work and stability. This also means having as many options as possible.

How's your balance? We still have to fight to focus all day long. Nutrition helps to a certain point. Aside from that, anything else that helps you out? For us, screening content protects up somewhat. However, despair still hits at times and feels crippling. We fight to hold onto solid things try and atay grounded. At times we cry, scream and fight to not black out. If we don't fight back,we'll fall apart.

What else can we do?

Friday, April 8, 2011

Breaking Our Triggering Rule

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we'll break our no-triggering content rule in this case.

Tonight at midnight, the federal govt. here in the States shuts down. The Congress can't agree on a new federal budget due to petty ideologies. Obama will never deviate from being the "Nice Centrist Guy" because he is running in 2012. So spin is everything.

How long will this last? The corporate and progressive media are all scrambling for that exclusive angle. Then again, how many ways can you say are you "essential" or not to government operations?

Protect yourself at all costs. But the other thing is keep your balance as best you can. Does this mean constantly stress out about the cost of everything? Hopefully you won't have to do that.

Instead, keep in mind there's only so much time in the day. Which means have as many options as possible. Also, protect yourself online as well.

Back to the applications.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Protect Yourself

Lots of weird and wacky triggering stuff today. If you have to look, be very careful as you do. If you don't, you're not really missing anything.

More fighting to focus today. We scream and fight to stay grounded with solid things. What space are we in? Colors at times seem to help to distract you. Sometimes they can trigger flashbacks as well.

Physical pain from being raped at times still happens. Not so much with being pinned down, but actual anal pain and other sick stuff.

On the other hand, we try to face this head on as best we can. Blissful ignorance doesn't work.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

It's All Connected

Be very careful. Lots of triggering stuff in the news today. If possible, gat a virtual assistant to screen this stuff for you. Which leaves more time for other things.

We still have to fight to focus in the morning. One theory is that if you have a lot of sugar in your diet, it affects a wide range of things in your body. Then when you crash, symptoms are much worse. We're trying to stick to other things in the diet and then see how it goes.

Despite that, the fear and flashbacks are still there. We still have to hold solid things and scream to try and stay grounded. Just going with your feelings doesn't work. You have to fight back.

The other key? It's not your fault.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Stop those Silly Rumors

We don't know where it came from. But since Obama "offically" declared he's running in 2012, there's been some talk that yours truly will be running as well.

Unfortunately, this takes billions of dollars. At the moment, we don't have that. Also, there would be some confusion (mixing up my first name with various other people with the same first name). You could spin this and get some mileage out of it. Then, it's a matter of money, travel, and all of those other costs that somebody has to pay for.

Now, if the money came thru and millions of people emailed me urging me to run, that's different. First things first. For now, let's see what happens.

Onto other stuff. How are your symptoms? We still have flashbacks and occasionally some hallucinations. What causes this?

Is it just your diet? Is it coping with the trauma? Or, is it a combination of both? We've only found one study online that seems to say it's a combination.

If you can suggest other sources on this, post a comment. Like one of our sources recently said, just because there's no study doesn't mean it's not a valid idea to be checked.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

When to Say No?

Into the weekend, and still no sign of the personal assistant. Maybe it's the part about "almost no salary" in the ad?

We're still making changes in where we get our information. Some sources are a complete waste of time. This means research and finding new ones that are safe to deal with. This also means keeping your I-can-save-the-world impulse in check. Knowing what's happening and caring is fine. But you also need to know what area to fight in.

Speaking of fights, anger and flashbacks still happen at times. We fight to not black out and are always wiped out by the end of the day. Is it one of my multiples lashing out? I'm not sure. But the fight-or-flight mechanism is still stuck.

How's your day?

Friday, April 1, 2011


Yes, it is Friday. Lots of ground to cover after a rough Thursday with anger and flashbacks.

Without going into specific triggering stuff, there's a lot of it right now and it seems like there's no accountability at all. We keep hearing key phrases:

Pozi scheme

It's almost like you're 4 steps ahead of everyone else. You can almost predict who says what, how and what the responses will be. Which means if there's no point in watching any of it, this can be a huge timesaver.

However, if you don't have the luxury of turning it all off how do you deal with that? Whether it's someone in Washington or across the hall, how do you maintain your boundaries?

We try not to sink down to the other person's level. It's tough when you have a lot of backed up anger and have to fight the urge to beat them into the ground. As for others you watch online, there are different ways to be heard. The trick though is to get others to add to the effect you want to make. Unfortunately, on the dog-eat-dog Internet it's every person for themselves.

Our suggestion? Get a really good attorney.