Thursday, May 15, 2008

Fighting Hard for That Balance

NOTE: This blog contains explicit content and occasional potentially disturbing "triggers" (sights, sounds, and more). These are only used to help get a key point across. If these bother you, stop reading now. If not, keep going and thanks for the support.

The global recession continues, and more expenses are a challenge. Still haven't found the new job yet. But at least I still have savings and won't be homeless tomorrow. Twice is enough for me.

Having said that, it's a weird time. Yesterday I told my therapist I'm staying away from a lot of political stuff right now. One reason is because I feel like I'm 3 steps ahead of everybody else. They only see a small part of the big picture. I on the other hand am thinking way ahead. So the best thing right now is to just avoid it as much as possible.

We still have that paralyzing fear at the worst times. My multiples and little kid are still scared that the whole world is going to crush thm. I tell them, no chance in hell of that happening. So then why do they keep treating us like s**t? How many ways can you say, I don't know.

You know you have things to do. But it takes A LOT of energy to mak yourself get up and move. It's not the usual feeling down that everybody has from time to time. Then you'd hear somebody say, just get on with it. It feels like THE WHOLE WORLD is saying, we don't give a s**t about you. Just f**k off and die. When you feel like you ALWAYS hear that, what do you do? What kind of permenant effect does that have on someone? I've done lots of research on this. And all you see if endless studies and "official definitions" of PTSD.

Today som 16-yr old girl posted a You Tube clip in which she says she was raped. If it's true, it's horrible and sad that she has to hype this to get the proper help. Now, the flip side of that. What if it was a guy? Would anybody care? Or, would people say, what the f**k's his problem? He was stupid enough to get raped. How f***ed up is that?

Do you take that risk, post and out yourself? Would you lose everything? Would anybody actually notice? It feels like everybody's saying, women get raped and that's one thing. But for guys who get raped, you don't exist.

If that's not true, prove it.

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