Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Dissociating is a Real Pain Today

This blog contains explicit content and at times "triggers":
key phrases
and others

They're only used to help get key points across. But if these bother you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going. And please pass this blog onto anyone it might help.

Dissociating is really nasty today. It's like non-stop choices. Want this fantasy? No. ok, try this one. You're trying to focus on what's really going on. But it's like walking thru a minefield. Then, adrenalin surges start too. Now what do you do?

Imagine somebody trying to beat you down every single day. It's more than the normal ups and downs of everyday life. I may not go to therapy this week. Lately it seems like all my therapist does is say yes over and over for the hour. Which makes me think, why am I here? I know I need to continue with therapy because I still have PTSD to cope with. But I refuse to have it forever.

My multiples and little kid are still terrified. Why does this always happen? Does ANYBODY listen? Does anybody care? I do. Then how come nobody else does? And I don't know what to say.

At times, the terror of feeling like the whole world is trying to crush you hits. My therapist keeps saying you have to keep going and then things will get better. So in the meantime does this still mean just hide in the corner and shut up?

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