Some peace and quiet as I write this. Today it's a "no news unless we have to look at it" approach. There's too much triggering stuff out there, and nobody else will protect my overall well being.
Some mental health sources that I trust have been talking about tough periods in healing. Think of it as someone who becomes sober. You have at times rough periods where everything gets worse, and there's no sense of hope. In my case, symptoms get worse, and the urge to dissociate and black out as well.
Maybe that's one of the hardest things to deal with in having complex dissociative PTSD. Violently dissociating and literally passing out from exhaustion to try and not black out. The fear of what happens then? Will I know where I am when I wake up? What if I don't?
As you fight to not fall apart, it feels like a constant assault. You can't sit back and do nothing. You can't control what other horrible people do and say. What else can you do but fight back?
Grounding doesn't always work. What do you do then in a stressful situation?
Like any other trauma survivor, one thing you want is a sense of control. I'm not at the mercy of others for literally everything. Why? Because that's no way to live. You constantly have to say, don't dissociate. Do something else.
As you try to focus, is it possible that your body is so used to dissociating that it'll fight you to continue?
Adrenalin surges happen as well. It's like fighting to push past a barrier in front of you. Then, you have some sense of short-term relief. Then, it starts again.
Still looking for the new jobs. You have to thoroughly check people out, because there are a LOT of problems everywhere.
At the worst moments, it feels like endless pain. How do you get thru that?