Catching up on things to do at home. Also, trying hard to not dissociate. Sometimes when you have moments of clarity, the thought hits for a second. What if I wasn't here? You don't have a death wish. The thought just comes to mind. Then, you have to fight hard to not get trapped in that cycle of flashbacks and dissociating.
We just try to protect ourselves. We also try to remember that our well being comes first. Not the other way around.