One thing I've tried to do is to face my trauma history as best I can (without endangering myself, my multiples or little kid). You have moments of clarity which also mean abandonment and body pain. You try to deal with how horrible your history has been. But you don't know what to do.
We don't want to hurt ourselves or anybody else. But what do you do when almost no one ever tried to reassure you that it wasn't your fault. You know that it wasn't. But almost no one will touch you or try to reassure you in any non threatening way.
What kind of effects does that have on someone?
You just want to feel safe.