You had many things in the past that you thought would help you to escape pain. Then, you realized that it only made things worse. Now, as much as possible I try to say, no, don't dissociate. Do something else.
Tiny amounts of things in the past that you thought were okay now cause all kinds of pain. Nightmares, anal pain, lucid dreams and more. You sit at times with no noise and just focus on peace and quiet. I don't want to feel like I'm being bombarded with pain. The fact that I'm being bombarded with pain doesn't mean that I'm a threat to anyone.
You sit in crowded places and want to scream and run away. You have flashbacks to how severe your symptoms have been. Other than a tiny number of people in person, nobody else in person helped me.
You ask questions at times. Can I trust anyone? Does anybody really care?
At times you feel like you can barely move. But what else can you do?
Nightmares are happening again. You have to fight your way out of a horrible situation, and NOBODY will help you.
If trauma doesn't come out one way, it will come out in others. You just want to feel safe.