Lots of errands tody, and now some time to write online. One minute you have some energy and feel relatively stable. Then, you can barely get up and walk to your kitchen.
In my case, dissociating iis like an addict using. You think it will help you to escape pain. But it just makes it worse. You feel trapped in a maze, and you can't escape. When you do finally fight your way out, you almost black out.
The severity of your symptoms are equal to the severity of your trauma history.
You have no control over what other horrible people say and do. Despite that, you set boundaries where necessary.
I don't have a death wise. But at times the thought comes to mind. What if I wasn't here? Would anybody care? As much as possible, I'm trying to face my trauma hisory head on. Now, I have nothing to hide behind anymore.
Some days feel like endless pain. Then again, you have to keep going.