It's a long weekend of fighting to not dissociate and black out. Much of the past two days has been just lying down and resting. You feel like you have literally no energy at all, but you can't let up for a second. If you do, you feel like you have no control.
In a few days I go to my psychiatrist appt. Like any normal person who's a trauma survivor, I want to be in the best place overall to get the treatment that I know that I need. I don't know what treatment is like in many other countries. However, here (for whatever reasons), many either don't want to hear about guy rape survivors or just don't take you seriously. It's the old "he's making this up to smear somebody" mentality.
I just set that aside and keep going. Also, have as many options as possible. If one place doesn't work, go elsewhere. If it means moving to get the proper treatment, how do I do that and pay for it?
Not all but many doctors and therapists here (in the "greatest medical system in the world") want nothing to do with health coverage or sliding scale fees. Many employers want to move people down to part-time from full-time because they hate Obama and "Obamacare". Generally, holistic treatments are twice as expensive as traditional ones.
Since I don't want bullies who use money as a weapon to control people to have power over myself and my treatment, how do I pay for this? I'm trying to come up with a low stress home business/job that will let me cover all my expenses.
I can't get any victim compensation because the statute of limitations in my case have run out. You have to prove to prosecutors that it's not a waste of their time to go after the possibly one remaining pedophile who might be alive.
I'm trying to space out more medical tests and other expenses while at the same time not feeling like I can't do anything else. At the moment, I'm living on practically no money.
I feel like all of my symptoms and backed up trauma is flooding out all at once. All of the junk food and other triggering stuff that I used to do is also catching up with me?
How long does it take to heal from all of this? I have no idea.
When dissociating is violent, I don't know where I am. Even if you ground yourself, many times that doesn't work.
What do you do then?
All of this is a normal survival response.