Thursday, June 20, 2013

Do You Feel Like an Orphan?

Bear with me, as this is extremely triggering to write about.

Now, I'm trying to keep some sense of balance that it will be okay. Earlier today, I got an email from my mom. Despite consistently telling them that I have PTSD from being raped, both of the parents are in massive denial. The last time I told her about this, three times she tried to manipulate the situation with her denial. Finally, I got sick of being insulted and walked away. Part of this is that it took me eight years to find the courage to tell them that I was raped.

What happened? My mom said, is that all? I thought you were gay.
My father literally gave me one minute to cry, and then said knock it off.

Since then, no apology or comprehension whatsoever that this is a serious crime (endangering the welfare of a child). It can mean jail time, a fine and possibly losing custody of your kid(s). For some bizarre reason, she's convinced that I have a disability. I told her I have PTSD, and it's not a disability. If I did, why did I get the last job that I had? Why would the boss knowingly hire a disabled person and then would have deal with all of that government pain-in-the-ass "anti-discrimination" garbage? I was smart enough to know that if I stayed in that horrible situation (ultra stressful job and PTSD symptoms), I'd have another nervous breakdown. Would a "disabled" person be able to do that?

The response was total denial that will continue forever. One insult on top of another. You can't even acknowledge the fact that you commited a serious crime involving your own kid. Do you have any human emotion or comprehension at all?

Now, this is the final straw. I have to deal with covering my bills, finding new work and being able to go to therapy for PTSD symptoms. As far as the parents go, it's out of my hands. It's no my job to psychoanalyze them or to let bullies treat me like shit.

It feels like you're an orphan. What else can I do though, other then just go on and have no more contact with them? I have to and am going to protect myself. I've been thru horrible stuff before, and I'll get thru this as well.

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