Another appointment today (this time with the psychiatrist). Lately we've been talking about on going nightmares and struggling with symptoms. Dissociating is one of the worst. Also, adrenalin surges. You try to go out for a run, and for a split second you can't feel your feet. You have to focus hard and try to rebalance your chi flow. Now, try doing that every day. Along with everything else.
If someone has been horribly abusive in your past and then they die, how should you feel? If you're relieved, does that make yu a bad person? No. Society dictates that when someone in your family dies, you should feel sad. But this isn't a law. Everybody's different in their trauma history and healing.
If I do some exercise every day, I'm trying to burn off some of this stored trauma chi. I've been off of caffeine for almost a year. I approach it like any other drug. If you stay off it and then use it again, the relapse gets worse and worse.