Tuesday, May 12, 2015


Two appointments out of the way. Two more to go this week. In the meantime, I'm also trying to get new blood tests. One is for allergies. the other is for cortisol levels. It's been a long time since I've had the allergy one done. I've never had the cortisol one done, despite everything that's happened and continues to happen to me.

Not in an obsessive way, but I'm trying to take a holistic approach to my health (along with necessary medication and more). For a long time, after I was repeatedly raped NOBODY helped me in person. Nobody said, were you raped? No cops came into the room and saved me from the psycho pedophile. The pressure builds and builds. To try and escape pain, you drink too much. You use soft core porn and online hookers. But none of this works.

Your diet is totally poisoning your system. Tons of salt, sugar, caffeine, and you keep using more and more to escape pain. But it doesn't work.

You feel like you can't trust anybody. Nobody ever helped me before.So, why would they do it now?

My first therapist actually said, I've been treating trauma survivors for almost 30 years, This is the worst case of trauma I've ever seen. I'm surprised you didn't kill yourself years ago from the horrible stress. How do I respond to that?

You have to fight back. Every day is abuse. You can't just sit back and do nothing.

Your system can only take so much. Eventually, you start to burn out. But despite that, you can't let your guard down. If you do, you'll fall apart. Everybody who laughed at you and treated you like shit will gang up on you and beat you down.

What else can you do?

Now, I'm trying to face my trauma history as best I can. You have to protect yourself. But, face your pain as best you can.

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