Today's one of those turn-everything-off days. You don't want to be bombarded with pain. You turn off all the noise, and try to feel safe in your own home.
But the despair is still there.
It's not the normal ups and downs of everyday life. You sit, and you feel like you can barely move. What do you do? You don't want to hurt yourself or anybody else. So you just sit.
It takes an enormous amount of energy to do small things. Then after each one, you sit down again and almost feel stuck. What then?
Last night was a real struggle to not dissociate. Today, at times you have moments of clarity. Then, despair. On the other hand, you don't have destructive things to hide behind anymore.