The symptoms are still there. Also, constantly battling to not dissociate. It's like as you do, the reality of how violent and severe dissociating has been. You have to protect yourself. No matter what, don't dissociate. Do something else.
You don't have a choice. You have to fight back to keep some sense of balance. You're getting bombarded with pain, and you can't just sit back and do nothing.
Don't dissociate. It only makes pain worse, and not easier.
It's not your fault.
You did nothing wrong.
You can't control what other horrible people say and do.
You almost feel paralyzed with despair. But you can't sit back and do nothing.
You have to protect yourself.