Thursday, July 4, 2013

What Next?

Happy 4th wherever you are in the world. If you're not American, that's okay. Just smile as the noise from fireworks and more happens around, nod your head, and enjoy the free food and drinks.

Here, there's still a sense of despair. Went to the new therapist yesterday, and the important thing is that going somewhere is better than nowhere. I can't afford to move right now. How then do I make this work?

Instead of two pedophiles, now there are three. I still can't see the third one's face. But I can see and sense everything else. It's like the worst serial pedophile you can think of. Everything is a sick ritual. You try to scream, but you can't.

Is anyone going to hear you or save you? No.

The therapist said, how could anyone let three pedophiles go on raping someone with no consequences? My answer: you tell me. In this "immediate family", it's so dysfunctional that there's massive denial everywhere. Am I the only one that sees that?

On the other hand, it's not my job to save these people. Everything you do and say has consequences. The rich and powerful can get away with way more, and in many cases never be touched. My parents endangered the welfare of one of their kids. Now, because of massive denial, manipulation and being rich, they can get away with this.

Are these people sociopaths, psychotic, or something else?

My body memory and intuition are telling me that the third pedophile might be my father. I'm not sure. However, regardless of who it is, the first question that comes to mind is how could do something that sick to an innocent and terrified little kid?

I exist. I am not just a trauma survivor. But that is part of who I am. Like anybody else I want some sense of validation. On the other hand, these people in denial are on their own.

Time to finish my victim compensation claim.

No comments: