Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Taking a Break

Today is a as-little-bombarding-triggering-stuff-as-possible day. No news, no corporate 24/7 radio, no Twitter, nothing. Last night, I reached a point where I literally said ENOUGH. Look if you have to. If not, stay away from it. Being aware and caring is fine. Then again, you overall well-being comes first. It's literally to the point where I can't handle all of my trauma flooding out AND everyone else's. It's too much.

My diet and other things are still as holistic as possible. Many former favorite foods and drinks are too triggering, toxic and more. What do I do now?

As much as possible, listen to the effects of things on you. The "correct therapeutic term" is somatic. Basically, pay attention to how you feel. I just feel like I have to protect myself as reasonably as possible.

Because, nobody else will do it for me.

Another idea. Setting boundaries and saying no when necessary is okay. If others are horrible to you and endlessly manipulate and treat you like crap, that's their problem. It's not your responsibility to save everyone else. Why? Because everyone's responsible for what they do or say. From Obama on down to the rest of us. Then, you live with the consequences.

If someone tries to manipulate you with guilt (it's not my fault, how could you be so cruel to your own mother/father, life isn't a scorecard) in many ways, one response would be this. You can try to manipulate facts all you want. However, that doesn't change the fact that this has been a lifetime of abuse from you.

After a certain point, you say, okay. From now on, you're on your own. I'm not going to beg you or try to save you or do anything. I'm not going to waste my life on wishing for something that will never happen. I'm telling the truth about being raped by three pedophiles who will never be prosecuted. You can be as horrible as you want. However, despite that, I'll be okay and keep moving forward as positively as possible. Go pick on somebody else. I don't want to play anymore.

Nobody else is going to protect you. I was raped by three pedophiles, and NOBODY protected me. However, I don't want to also end up like everybody else is a threat.

No bombarding stimulus tomorrow? We'll see.

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