Sunday, November 18, 2012

Is Torture Really Ok? (Read at your own risk)

How's your coping strategy working? Here, it's been chill out and try to recover from a rough day of battling symptoms. This could lead to lots of sugar to try and feel somewhat energized. How much would YOU pay for a Twinkie?

As for symptoms, we struggle with trying to not black out from dissociating. It feels like a lot of flashbacks and other horror that we didn't deal with hits you all at once. You then feel paralyzed and don't know what to do. Adrenalin surges still happen. Do we have feeling in both legs? Why do we feel like we're literally going to disappear? At times you have to do lots of vigorious massage to keep some sense of feeling.

Then, it's like fighting your way thru flashbacks. You don't know what's real, but you have to fight your way out of it. Get past the stuck fight-or-flight mechanism, or you'll fall apart. Nobody will listen or call.

We take breaks and many times just lie down and stretch. We can barely move because we're so sore. On bad days it's hard to really work out, because are you making things worse? Do you feel like you're about three steps ahead of everyone else? You literally know what everyone else will say and do. Therefore, why bother to listen to it?

There's body pain and horrible memory all over. We try really hard to focus on something solid. Sometimes it works, and sometimes no. Will we snap if it doesn't?

We know we're not insane. We don't have any disability or other illness. We can go out, work and function in anything. We also still have a problem and we're looking for help. However, here therapists either don't have the training to do it. Or, they want nothing to do with coverage or sliding scale fees.

Despite all of that, we're keeping in mind that we matter. We're telling the truth, and that's what matters. If others can't deal with that or say other stuff (i.e., torture is ok), that's their problem.

Is showing some sense of basic human decency an unreasonable request?

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