Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Balance is a Struggle

Not much sleep last night. Lots of dissociating, and at times you feel like you have no control. Today, lots of supplements and just time to rest.

Do you just turn everything off at times? At times I just turn everything off and just sit. I don't want to be on call. I don't want to be bombarded by tons of stimulus and triggering stuff. I just want quiet.

I still have to fight dissociating every day. Another thing to struggle with is messed up adrenal glands. My fight-or-flight response is still stuck. This has meant endless stress at times. Even if you do the usual grounding techniques that many times don't work.

What do you do then?

I know I don't have any other serious physical problem right now. Various doctor appointments and my psych evaluation are coming. In the meantime, take things in really small splits. How do I get thru the next 10 seconds?

Nightmares and body pains are still there. It's not because of eating too late at night or caffeine or sugar to keep up you up. It feels like it's just backed up trauma that's flooding out.

Wi-fi is still one tool to try and cope with dissociating. Have something tangible to listen to or watch.

The other thing? You can't just sit back and do nothing. Far be it for me to tell anyone else what to do in their overall healing. Just in my case, that doesn't work. If you do that, you feel like you're falling apart. Why live like that?

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