Monday, June 9, 2008

Who's Going to Listen to Me?

NOTE: This blog contains explicit content about one person's daily battle to cope with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Where necesary, "triggers" are used to to help get key points across.

Triggers can be many things:
Key words or phrases
a loud noise
formerly favorite foods
and more

If any of these bother you, stop reading now. Otherwise, continue and thanks for your support.

Did you survive the Big Hillary Quits Speech Weekend? Now, it's down to Obama and McCain for the main two parties. But keep in mind that there are other choices as well. Libertarians, Greens, Independents. The MSM won't tolerate them speaking. But there's still time before the election. So we'll see.

Unfortunately, symptoms are still hitting hard. One minute you think you're safe. Then suddenly you're being raped again. It's like a really bad horror movie trailer. You go to a store and you feel trapped. Other people walk by you and you think, what do they really want? If he attacks me, what do I do? You drive down the road and see others looking at you. What do they really want? They're smiling. But what if they have something in the car? What do I use to stop them?

I still can't watch TV or listen to the radio for more than ten seconds at a time. Triggers are everywhere and have to be edited out all the time. For other people, they can do this in 2 seconds. But imagine if it took 2 hours? Like most other people, you have better things to do with your time. The bad part is that you have to fight back to keep a sense of balance. If you don't you'll just fall apart.

At the worst times it's like every sound, sight, color and more is magnified a million times. Nobody listens to you. Nobody cares . They keep saying, it's your fault that you got raped. So you fix it. Why then should I trust them? They smile at me. But what do they really want? Are they afraid that if they acknowledge me that they'll get raped too? I'm their worst nightmare. So f**k off and die? You stop and think, how could any "normal" person act like that? You treat others like dirt and you have no conscience or feeling at all about it.

Then you wonder, will I always have these symptoms? My therapist keeps saying that eventually you get past these. But in the meantime the whole world is saying WE DON'T LIKE YOU. WE DON'T GIVE A S**T ABOUT YOU! What are you supposed to do?

Here's a 24 hour help line for rape survivors:

It's one of the few that I've found that have PTSD-trained counselors. And they don't judge you if you're a guy rape survivor.

If you know of another good source for help please post a comment.

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