Monday, June 16, 2008

Let's Catch Up

NOTE: This blog contains explicit content about one person's battle with PTSD from sex abuse. Occasionally I use "triggers'" to get key points across. These can be many things:

key words or phrases
music samples
a sudden noise and more

If these bother you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for the support.

What's up? Long time no posts, I know. Sorry about that. I've been busy looking job hunting, fighting symptoms. And occasionally falling down and crying because I feel hopeless.

How are YOU doing? I realy appreciate all of you sticking with me here. Don't worry, there's NO WAY checking this out will be traced back to you. Likewise, I do everything I can to not be outed in any way. If I did out myself, I'd have serious problems.

Do you feel like anybody's listening to you? Aside from here, I still feel like almost nobody's listening. You feel like you're backed up in a corner and the whole world is beating you down EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's the same "it's your fault" crap. And what's even sicker is that they have no feeling, no understanding about what they're doing. And they just don't care.

How do you deal with being used by the politicians? In this election year there's lots of cheap empty talk about oh, PTSD is terrible. We need to take it more seriously. We see families who've lost someone due to it. And while in no way do I want to dis them, it really sucks when we're being used. It's obvious that the politicians don't give a s**t about them. All that matters is getting elected and making the other party look bad.

What about male rape survivors? When was the last time you heard somebody publically talk about this? When was the last time Congress had a hearing about this? Or a debate on the Senate floor? Once a Congressional committee had a hearing about child sex abuse. But it was censored. Why? Because we just don't talk about this kind of stuff.

Which means what? It's like getting raped all over again. You don't count. You suck, you're pathetic, you're a fauilure for f*****g up and getting raped. How do you respond to this s**t without sinking down to their level?

How do you cope with the symptoms? Dissociating, adrenalin surges and more keep hitting. At times it's like a bad slasher movie hitting you. You try to focus and suddenly it comes out of nowhere. Then you don't know where you are. I go to a store and everything is magnifed. I have about a 6 foot awareness all around me. Someone's behind me and I think, what will they do? Will they jump me? How do I stop them, stab them, break their neck, etc.? Do all survivors always have this? I know that everybody recovers at different rates. But it would be nice to have one day with no symptoms.

Feel free to post comments. Anonymous ones are fine too. But please spread the world about this blog to anyone you think it might help.


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