Thursday, June 5, 2008

Fighting to Not Lose Feeling in My Body

NOTE: This blog contains explicit content and occasional use of "triggers". These can be many things:

various sights and sounds
a key word or phrase
a formerly favorite food
and others

These are only used here to help get a point across. If these bother you, stop reading now. If not, keep going and thanks for the support.

Adrenalin surges are a big problem today. With trauma, it's backed up energy with no release. You feel like you're losing feeling in various parts of your body. You're standing and you look down at your legs. But you have no feeling. Will you fall over? Will you be able to move or not?
You feel like you're losing sensation in your hands. You have to concentrate hard and literally force the feeling to come back.

Now imagine having to do this 24/7. And sometimes the harder you fight back the more your body fights back too. My therapist says that this and other symptoms are your multiples and little kids way of being heard. Sometimes dissociating happens. And I feel like I have no control over it. What do I do when all the usual grounding tricks don't work? What do I do then?

Triggers are everywhere. I have to edit everything to be on the safe side. It's like you're getting bombarded every day. And the more you fight it the more it feels like the whole world is beating you down. Right now, it feels like nobody can be bothered to listen. What do you do then?

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