The blog contains extreme content including occasional "triggers." These are things such as:
a loud noise
These can be disturbing and/or possibly dangerous to trauma survivors. If these bother you, stop reading now. If not, keep going. And please pass this blog onto anyone that you think it might help.
Dissociating is a real problem today. I try hard not to do that and to stay away from old patterns that can lead to it. But it still comes out. What is it that my multiples and little kid are trying to tell me? It has been so bad for so long that now many times it's automatic. So how do you sort it all out?
Sometimes it's so bad I scream and feel like I'm going to snap. I am NOT going to just morph and disappear. I refuse to give those sick a******s that treated me like s**t the satisfaction. The last thing I need is to sink down to their level.