NOTE: This blog contains explicit words, content and "triggers" (sights, sounds, samples, colors and more) that can be disturbing/possibly dangerous to trauma survivors. If this bothers you, leave now. Otherwise, keep going. And please pass this blog onto anyone that it might help.
It's Friday. And symptoms are hitting hard. I know I need to keep going. But it feels like it's non-stop (despite all the grounding that I do). I try to focus in a conversation and I feel like I'm going to snap. I don't want to hide out in the bathroom all the time. On the other hand, everything feels like a trigger. My therapist says this is the flip side of the trauma. Now it's coming out.
When my multiples and little kid have our meetings, the terror is still there. We're this close to dying and nobody cares. If anybody comes near us, do we kill them? What do we do?