Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Energy and More

Lately, every day seems like there's violently triggering stuff everywhere you look. Can't watch TV. Everything online has to be screened. Can't livestream tunes for more than about 30 seconds before we need a break. It's too much stimulus.

On top of that, my energy level is down. Appetite is down. It takes an enormous amount of energy to do tiny things.

Went to the latest doctor appointment. Turns out my heart functioning rate has gone up slightly. Still below normal though. Also, I have to have a new MRI to check one of my main heart valves. Then again, no need right now for more meds or surgery.

Are you getting any sleep at night? We try and yet we're lucky if you can sleep for an hour. When you can, it feels like every hour you wake up. Then you try to go back to sleep, and you pick up where you left off in your dream/nightmare/whatever. You know you're not crazy. You're not a threat to anybody. But you have to fight back to keep some sense of not dissociating.

You just want to feel safe.

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