How was your New Years? Went out for a while to what I thought would be a decent party. Turned out, not happening. Then, time to go home and stay warm. Instead of staying up all night, went to sleep around 2 a.m. What time is that in your part of the world? You do the math.
Now, the first day and there's no chi flow. if I have to go out somewhere, I do. Then, it's back home and lie down. Dissociating is still one of the most debilitating symptoms. Then again, you can't sit and do nothing.
We know we did nothing wrong. We know it's not our fault. But you still have horrible days with feeling abandoned. How come nobody helped us? That's not letting the psycho rapists control your life. That's facing your trauma history.
I don't want to go back to binge alcoholism and other destructive stuff. When I need to, I read about how other notorious alcoholics stopped. Do I really want to go back to that? No.