Another appointment today with the psychiatrist. We argued about taking Risperdal, and I made it clear that while I appreciate her ongoing concern to try and help, the best thing is for me not to take it. Yes, that's the harder way to go. On the other hand, taking a holistic approach to my health (with less medication) has helped me more than traditional treatment. Why would anyone want to be drugged out, which would make dealing with mental health problems even worse? So it felt good to clear that up.
As for the ongoing battle with symptoms, dissociating is still one of the hardest to deal with. Adrenalin surges are rough to handle as well. It takes me about 15 minutes to put my socks and shoes on without losing sensation in my feet. One of many common symptoms.
Don't dissociate. Do something else. You don't want to fall apart. You can't control what other people do and say. But I will protect myself.
I don't want to black out, and have no idea of what happened. Blackouts still happen. But, overall I'm on the right track.