We all know there's no magic one-cure-fits-all trauma histories. You know it's not your fault . You know you did nothing wrong. Despite that, you still struggle.
You're sitting in a small bedroom in a two-story house. It's fall, the window is open and the breeze is blowing in. Yet, everything feels like it's in black and white. You feel trapped, and don't know what to do. Others are downstairs, but can't be bothered to pay attention. It's pointless to even talk to them.
You feel almost brainwashed and not in control as one of the psycho rapists takes you into his room. You know something's wrong, but it's like you're watching yourself take off your clothes as the monster does the same thing. You want to scream, but you can't. The psycho's skin is next to yours, and his penis is in your anus. You want to scream, but nothing will come out.
No one will burst into the room and save you.
No police sniper will see an opening and blow the psycho's head off to save you.
No cop will use a rape testing kit to convict the psycho.
You want to get a gun, and kill everyone that raped you or abused the shit out you. It's legal where you live, but what's the point?
We still struggle to keep some sense of balance and not fall apart. If I say my name, the fact that I have PTSD and other health problems that are connected could be used against me by a future boss. I don't give a fuck what the anti-discrimination laws say. If I knew ahead of time that you have these problems, I never would have hired you.
There are actually many employers out there with this mindset. Does it bother them saying this stuff? No.
Despite that, the important thing is to continue as best you can.