Monday, July 7, 2014

Depression and More

More doctor appointments in the next week. Also, it's back to the therapist. While that's happening, symptoms are still a struggle to fight against. You fight really hard to not scream and black out from the pain of being raped. But every mental health support source that we trust all say the same thing. It has to come out. None of this is abnormal in any way, considering what you've been thru and never got help for.

Bad days with fear, abandonment and more happen. When they do, we curl up in a corner, cry and rock back and forth. At least that way we won't get attacked. Can we trust anyone? Sometimes we don't know.

You have to protect your well being. Nobody else will do it for you.

Too much triggering news today. Much of it is just ridiculous. So why waste time dealing with it?

Emotionally, we feel like we're at the day after getting raped. There is no magic formula that fits all trauma survivors and instantly fixes everything. There's also shame, and just feeling like dirt. Nobody comes in to save you. Nobody uses a rape testing kit (guy survivors get testing kits just like women do). Nobody does anything.

You ask for help, and nobody listens. Many who's job it is to listen to and help trauma survivors scream at you for wasting their valuable time with YOUR PROBLEM.

You fix it. It's not my problem. You deal with it.

You don't want to hurt anybody else or yourself. Where do you go?

Do you have thoughts about suicide? At times we do, but we'd never act on it. Imagine being abused non-stop every single day. You go thru your entire day and constantly fighting abuse (verbal, physical, mental, and being raped).

Nobody listens to you or helps you. On the other hand, you don't want to die and give them the satisfaction.

What do you do?

No matter what, we did nothing wrong. Everything that we say is true. If others are horrible and can't deal with it, that's their problem. We're not responsible for their health.

We just want a sense of balance.

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